Another body blow from Bush
Underreported by the news media this month was the unveiling of President Bush's proposed 2008 Budget. It's an extraordinary document that makes many of Bush's tax cuts permanent and advocates the total repeal of the Estate Tax, a tax on inheritance which, based on the President's changes, would only effect those in the top two-tenths of the top one percent of the richest Americans.
The number-crunchers in Senator Bernie Sanders' office
have broken it all down. If the Estate Tax were repealed, the heirs of Sam Walton would receive a combined estimated tax break of $32.7 billion over ten years. Meanwhile, the Bush budget slashes $28 billion in Medicaid over the same period. Heirs to the Mars Candy fortune would pick up roughly $11.7 billion in tax breaks, while Bush slashes the budget of the VA by $3.4 billion over a decade. The family of former Exxon Mobil CEO Lee Raymond gets a $164 million pass from Uncle Sam, while we pay more at the pump and 480,000 low-income mothers, seniors, and children lose the Commodity Supplemental Food Program and one free bag of groceries per month-- a savings to the U.S. treasury of $108 million.
And who pays the news media's advertising dollars? I wonder why we don't hear about this.
Catching up
Wow! It's been too long-- the news items have been backing up, and Aaron, though generous with his time, just didn't cover anything important-- except for Rick Ankiel's comeback. Back to business...
Guess which former Public Enemy #1 of the Cardinals is
living in the northwest suburbs of St. Louis-- it's former Mets slugger Darryl Strawberry. Straw says his new wife "had to twist his neck to come... I was like, 'There's no way I'm going to St. Louis'-- this was my rival town. But it's a place where I believe God sent me and my wife... I like it here. It's more home-like, has a family atmosphere. New York, Florida, California-- people are so rude."
It seems the old demons of dependency are never far behind, however, and you can bet that wherever a wealthy, but troubled ex-ballplayer is trying to walk the straight and narrow, a roadside "Church on the Rock" won't be far away.
Marvin Miller has inadvertently helped to raise more money for evangelical preachers than Bill and Hillary Clinton combined.
---
A former high school classmate, teammate, and great friend has landed a sweet gig. Matt Strawn, formerly of Van Horne and Garrison, IA
was tabbed earlier this month to be the Iowa manager of John McCain's 2008 presidential campaign. (Evidently,
Mike Gravel had filled all of his campaign slots.) I've lost touch with Matt since college and I've been curious on more than one occasion since about how his political philosophies may have evolved with time. Has the Alex P. Keaton of Benton County moved to the right or to the left? Moved at all? Well, he's backing McCain this cycle so I'll be damned if I can tell.
---
Quote of the day: Amazon.com DVD reviewer "epsteinsmutha"(!) on the April 24th release of "WKRP in Cincinnati: The Complete First Season" and speculation that licensed music may be missing from the discs:
"It may not be in the first season, BUT if the scene from 'Les and Jennifer's Date," where Les trades in his bow tie for the ascot and pulls on the curly wig from Macho Man does NOT have "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner playing in the background instead of that "not even close and no cigar" soundnotathingalike "Much Too Much," from the recent Nick at Nite reruns, that will be grounds for taking the advice of the Doctor and leaving our garbage on the front lawns of the people who own the rights to WKRP. I hope they're visited by the ghosts of Gordon Jump (Mr. Carlson) and Del Murdock, personable owner of Del's Stereo (Hamilton Camp) if that's the case."
The 79th Oscars - by Aaron Moeller
I’m blogging tonight’s Oscars, but let it be known, I’m not a movie guy. I mean, in a sense, we’re all movie people. It’s ubiquitous in American culture. We’ve all seen some movie that had a big effect on us, we’ve all laughed and cried at the movies but I still am not convinced it’s the medium for me. I’d love to have added my list of 5 favorite movies to my posting on Friday, but I’m not sure I can come up with five. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved many movies in my life, I’ve seen many good – even great – ones.
(Note: I loved the "Star Wars" movies when I was a kid. I remember being knocked out in college when I first saw "Pulp Fiction" and then "Dead Man Walking". The first two "Godfather" films are intense and lasting. I’ll watch them forever. "Magnolia"and "Buffalo 66" felt completely original to me. I think "Citizen Kane" more than lives up to its reputation as great art. I’ve looked forward to little in my life the way I’m looking forward to the release of this summer’s "The Final Season", but that’s for specific personal reasons.) By any definition, I’ve had all kinds of favorites in my time, but there’s been an overwhelming truth in my life that seems to overshadow my affection for films. When I think of all the wonderful stories and characters that I’ve seen depicted on the screen, the ones that immediately come to mind are from TV shows. I know historically no responsible critic would make this claim, but to me it’s the great medium of our age.
One of the reasons, I think, is that a two-hour film simply isn’t enough time to tell most stories. The reason most successful and effective novels don’t translate to film is because there’s no room for detail. My favorite fictional screen characters are all TV characters, because there’s so much more room to know and
grow with characters. The potential for emotional attachment with TV shows is so much greater. I’ve never cared for a couple in a romantic comedy film the way I cared about Sam and Diane or Dave and Maddie. There are a half dozen fine-enough dramatic films every year, but I never care about those characters, for example, the way I cared about the four youths, the four lead roles on this season’s
The Wire. There are no film screenwriters more brilliant than the writing staffs of
The Wire, Deadwood or
The Sopranos. I love Buster Keaton, Woody Allen and the Marx Brothers as much as anyone, but there are no comic films any smarter or better realized than was
The Larry Sanders Show,
Mr. Show with Bob and David or
The Simpsons. And the very nature of TV and its immediacy makes the satire of
The Colbert Report (or any number of late night comedy shows) ten times more topical than any political comedy that may be in your local multiplex.
On Chris’ profile page, he lists his interests and the focus of this blog to be America’s three legacies – jazz, baseball and the Constitution. He left one out – comedy. And the home of comedy is your television set. Actually the movies I’ve probably loved the most were the comedies I saw as a kid. For the most part, they starred performers from the
Saturday Night Live school of comedy. I’m talking about "Fletch", "Foul Play", "Stripes", "Caddyshack", "Beverly Hills Cop", "The Jerk", "Three Amigos", and a dozen others. And as much as I have loved (and still love) those movies, most of those performers were edgier and funnier when they were actually on
SNL.
Maybe it's that recently I’ve burned out a bit in my bid to watch and read (sometimes re-watching and re-reading) the "classics" of film and literature. I’ve been coming away from them with a sense that a lot of writers and artists take themselves far too seriously in their attempts at saying something Important. They almost inevitably fall flat and short of their intended goal. There was no better film this year than "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan", and I must say that the film and its approach had me completely re-examining the way I look at film and the messages that accompany the greatest of its kind.
There are always prestige pictures, political films, cool crime dramas, action movies, and intelligent family dramas – some occasionally quirky and funny, and often genuinely clever – but when was the last time you saw a movie that changed much about the angle from which you view the world. (For me, "Borat" is as good as it gets.) Obviously, the vast majority of TV is still a wasteland as well, but the state of film is downright depressing. And yet, I’m always interested in the Academy Awards and the "Best of Film" that the show promises...
Anyway, I'm rambling. I'll get to it because we've got a long way to go...
---
6:00 – 7:00 CST – I watch the Barbara Walters special. She’s the woman who brought us
The View. The most revealing thing about the interviews are the brief clips of Helen Mirren’s earlier films. She was quite the sexpot back in the day and apparently has been naked in dozens of films, which Barbara is kind to ask her about.
7:30 – The show begins with an awkward montage of the nominees (both stars and non-stars) standing in front of a white screen and they’re all...well, I’m not sure what they’re doing. Free associating? Looking confused at the cameraman? Saying the first things that come to mind? Making faces? I’m not really sure what the point of it is. It’s all very conceptual (and easier than hiring writers).
7:36 – Ellen DeGeneres has some funny bits in her monologue. She’s good at what she does, but her style is so casual and unassuming. The sort of nervous twitch that defines her style may not play to a crowd like this. During the night, though, she gets off some good lines.
7:45 – Right off the bat, "Pan’s Labyrinth" wins the big money prize – Best Set Direction.
7:53 – A musical performance from Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly is an early show highlight and -though torn from today's blog headlines! - the theme of their performance drives home my earlier point of how comedies get no love from the Academy Awards. These three gentlemen are all funny guys who have a long career ahead of them trying to stretch hilarious 5-minute sketch comedy ideas into 90-minute movies. Note: It doesn’t escape their notice either that the 60-years-plus Helen Mirren has proven herself to be the most memorable "older babe" since Tina Turner.
8:11 – Ellen introduces something called the "Sound Effects Choir", a weird performance that’s more clever in theory than in reality, especially playing in a huge theater to a worldwide TV audience. It ends so quickly though that it’s hard to figure out what just happened. One of the producers probably just lost a bet.
8:21 – Eddie Murphy, one of the first people I remember laughing at on television, loses the Best Supporting Actor award to Alan Arkin, a guy who didn’t do any singing, dancing or much of anything in
his movie. I saw "Little Miss Sunshine" Saturday and Arkin has about two scenes in the movie. Don’t get me wrong, Arkin’s a big time actor who’s never gotten his due, and he’s a great guy, I’m sure, but this is an injustice. I guess from "Grumpy Old Men" to Peter O’Toole’s performance this year, movies love a fiesty old guy. For me, they’re all playing a version of Mr. Roper.
I feel bad Eddie didn't win. Take it from a fellow song-and-dance man, we never get the credit we deserve.
I’ve got some more thoughts here. This was the category I had the most invested in since I actually saw 4 of the 5 nominated movies. Arkin and "The Departed"’s Mark Wahlberg had similar comic relief roles – they both get about 10 minutes of screen time, where they get to chew scenery, spewing sharp and potty-mouth dialogue. The legacy of this year’s category? The cult of Oscar shall now bestow upon these nominees a lifetime of riches, while simultaneously, John Ratzenberger – who gave us 11 years of one of the most distinct and clearly defined, most indelible characters ever loved and welcomed into America’s homes, Cliff Clavin – doesn’t even have a sorry little Emmy to call his own. I digress...
And let me say this about "Little Miss Sunshine". If you haven’t seen it, don’t bother. Is this what passes for a quirky, film comedy? Let’s first acknowledge that it’s really an amalgamation of about 12 other movies that have come before it. With "Stranger Than Fiction" released, are we even sure "Sunshine" is the best, dysfunctional family comedy of the year? Are they really going to give a Best Picture Oscar to a film that lifted its be-true-to-yourself, dance-your-blues-away ending straight from "Napoleon Dynamite"? Hauling a dead relative across the country in the family vehicle (not to mention the slapstick scene of the car caroming out of control before coming to a safe, perfect stop in a parking lot) is right out of "National Lampoon’s Vacation".
8:28 – My brother and blogmaster Chris calls me up, wondering if I’ve noticed how awful the Oscars have been to this point. He wants my thoughts and I tell him he’ll have to read about it in the morning, like the rest of America.
8:36 – Leonardo DiCaprio and Al Gore announce this is the first "Green" Oscars. Seeing him now, and having watched both "The Departed" and "Blood Diamond", I’ve determined that DiCaprio is the coolest guy in the room.
8:46 – A demure Ben Affleck, one time Oscar winner for Best Original Screenplay, seems to almost fade into the scenery as he introduces an odd tribute to writers portrayed in films. The montage begins with classical music over someone typing on a manual typewriter. For a brief second, it looks like they're about to show us an old rerun of
Murder, She Wrote. Afterwards, the camera catches Jack Nicholson, mugging for the camera, pretending to write in a notebook. He reclaims his "Coolest Guy in the Room" title.
8:50 – The guy who wrote "The Departed" makes his acceptance speech, announcing in a droll manner: "Valium works." Oh, those self-destructive artists!
9:10 – DeGeneres has the second of two funny bits in the audience where she first gave a script to Martin Scorsese (it’s a cross between "Big Mama’s House" and "Goodfellas" called "Goodmamas") and then later has Steven Spielberg take a picture of her with Clint Eastwood.
9:12 – Gwyneth Paltrow, presenting one of the dull awards, is the best looking presenter of the night, looking even better than Cate Blanchett.
9:20 – The ever-lovely Naomi Watts appears on-stage with a pretty cool Robert Downey Jr., whose goatee makes me want to grow my mustache back.
9:24 – Ken Watanabe appears on-stage to give an award, wearing one of those really thin mustaches. The look works for DiCaprio too, but Japanese guys can
really pull off that look. I would look like John Waters. Or Adam Morrison.
9:29 – Clive Owen, who usually sports a two-day stubble, appears clean-shaven. His co-presenter is the always-luminous Cate Blanchett, who looks better than anybody in the building not named Gwyneth Paltrow.
9:31 - I award Eddie Murphy a conciliatory Oscar for "Coolest Facial Hair".
9:33 – Jennifer Hudson wins for "Dreamgirls". This will be the award and breakout star that people will likely remember about the 2007 Oscars. But there are only so many singing roles available in Hollywood. She was great in the movie, but when will we ever see this woman again? On the Grammys, I guess.
10:17 – A Celine Dion performance came and went. This is getting really long. It’s been 45 minutes since anything interesting happened. Yet I blog on. What
won’t I do for you people?!
10:21 – The three Dreamgirls cut loose with a medley of their songs. The range of their individual performances is astounding. I’ve heard these songs a few times now, but I have to say I don’t exactly catch myself humming any of them. They all lose to Melissa Etheridge for best song.
10:44 – Jodie Foster introduces the roll call of death. Not a lot of big names this year. Robert Altman is the grand finale, but other beloved performers include Bruno Kirby, Maureen Stapleton and Moeller TV Festival honoree Don Knotts.
10:52 – No one is surprised when Helen Mirren wins for Best Actress. Some Internet research fills in the details of some of the shocking new information I’ve just recently been tuned in to. Maybe I haven’t been clear about this. Apparently, if this Academy Award show were being held in the 1970s or '80s, there’d be about a 50/50 chance that Mirren would be accepting the award topless.
11:03 – Forest Whitaker wins Best Actor and gives a sweet, heartfelt speech. My only problem with this award? It should have gone to Sasha Baron Cohen of "Borat", who wasn't nominated. While other actors were spending six months in their trailers, coming out for a couple hours each day to play dress up and shoot scenes on their nice, safe sound stages, Cohen was redefining film acting. (Of course, TV has been home to groundbreaking work from Cohen for years.)
11:06 – Martin Scorsese, the best film director in the world, wins his first Oscar and gets a standing ovation from the room.
11:14 – Piling on the love, "The Departed" is also the Best Picture winner. Of course, unlike a cop drama like "The Wire", the movie is a completely unlikely story that dissolves near the end with a ridiculously over-the-top body count. But it was an impressively entertaining film for 2 ½ hours, even if I left most of that emotion in the theater.
My week's done. See you this summer.
Random Lists 2: The Sequel - by Aaron Moeller
Picking up where I left off
the last time...10 Great TV Show Opening Theme Songs1.
The Honeymooners2.
Hill Street Blues3.
Taxi4.
Kids in the Hall5.
Moonlighting6.
Sanford and Son7.
Amen8.
The Wire (All seasons - for those unfamiliar, every season has a different version of the same song)
9.
Monday Night Football10.
Barney Miller8 Great TV Show Closing Theme Songs1.
The Jeffersons2.
Cheers3.
WKRP in Cincinnati4.
Curb Your Enthusiasm5.
All in the Family6.
Night Court7.
King of the Hill8.
Newhart6 Scents That I've Always Loved1. Swimming pool chlorine (smells like hotels, which smells like vacation)
2. Peeled Oranges
3. Fresh mowed lawn
4. Clean laundry
5. Spring rain
6. Model airplane glue
3 Underrated Saturday Night Live Performers1. Jan Hooks
2. Tracy Morgan
3. Kevin Nealon
4 Overrated SNL Performers1. Jimmy Fallon
2. Adam Sandler
3. Chevy Chase
4. Dan Akyroyd
4 Brilliant SNL Cast Members Who Were Funnier Elsewhere1. Chris Rock
2. Julia Louis-Dreyfus
3. Sarah Silverman
4. Chris Elliott
4 Great Comedy Writers Who Worked on SNL1. Larry David
2. Christopher Guest
3. Bob Odenkirk
4. Conan O'Brien
5 Performers Born to Be Cast Members on SNL1. Eddie Murphy
2. Dana Carvey
3. Phil Hartman
4. Will Ferrell
5. Martin Short
4 Great Sports Play-by-Play Broadcasters1. Chick Hearn
2. Marv Albert
3. Vin Scully
4. Al Michaels
A Bad Geographer's 6 Favorite Mexican Countries1. Mexico
2. Peru
3. Brazil
4. Thailand
5. Mexico City
6. New Mexico
12 Brilliant Bob Dylan Songs from the 1980s (Supposedly his weakest decade)
1. Dignity
2. Blind Willie McTell
3. I and I
4. Every Grain of Sand
5. Foot of Pride
6. Someone's Got a Hold of My Heart
7. Jokerman
8. Shooting Star
9. Angelina
10. Brownsville Girl
11. When the Night Comes Falling From the Sky
12. Everything is Broken
6 Great Singers I Forgot When I Compiled My List of Favorites Last Year
1. Tina Turner
2. Daryl Hall
3.
Rance Allen4. Christina Aguilera
5. BB King
6. Mary J. Blige
2 Funny Things Joy Said on The View This Morning1. She doesn't let any man see her naked unless she's in his will.
2. She made a connection between Sacheen Littlefeather, the Native American girl Marlon Brando sent to accept his Oscar for
The Godfather, and the rise of Indian casinos that followed.
4 Performers With Really Great, Really Infectious Laughs1. Alan Alda
2. Sammy Davis Jr.
3. Roseanne
4. Eddie Murphy
6 Great Second Bananas1. Steven Van Zandt (to Bruce Springsteen AND Tony Soprano)
2. Ed Norton
3. Art Garfunkel
4. John Oates
5. Robin Quivers
6. Gary (of the Ambiguously Gay Duo)
7 TV Series That Deserve Eventual DVD Release1.
It's Garry Shandling's Show2.
Newhart3.
The John Larroquette Show4.
Frank's Place5.
The PJ's6.
The Norm Show7.
Andy Richter Controls the Universe3 TV Series That Deserve to Have Each INDIVIDUAL Season Released on DVD1.
The Larry Sanders Show2.
Get a Life3.
Night Court
Some Things Chris Would Link To If He Were Here - by Aaron Moeller
Because Chris is gone this week, interviewing to be
the new Senior Pastor at New Life Church in Colorado Springs, I'd like to create the illusion that he's still here and provide some "Chris-type" links so we can all stay current on the day's events, along with mentioning some of the things we've all come to love and/or begrudgingly accept about Chris. (We miss you, Chris, and we're praying that the Lord calls you there!)
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As we know, Chris often comments about his adopted hometown, Des Moines, where he lives because he loves being surrounded by insurance agents due to a blatantly obvious Freudian desire to feel safe and secure. He lives in a tiny apartment near downtown, a few blocks off of
ML King.
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Chris is also little nutty about the St. Louis Cardinals, whose last two championships ('82 and '06) are no doubt the two weakest World Series Championship teams of the last hundred years. One of their players recently
made a stab at respectability by marrying a Miami Dolphins cheerleader. There's apparently no truth to the rumor that they met when he was pitching in a celebrity game and plunked her with a pitch (even though she was sitting ten rows behind the dugout).
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Chris has some bitter feelings toward terrestrial radio, having once been employed there for many years without a raise. Because of it, he's fascinated (but, so far, non-committal) about investing in
satellite radio.
---
Chris' blog is often nothing more than a lonely, pathetic excuse for him to
link a photo of a pretty singer he's infatuated with.
Some thoughts on the NBA All-Star Game - by Aaron Moeller
Admittedly, as a Philadelphia 76er fan, I had little to no interest in this year’s NBA All-Star game, held two nights ago and televised on TNT. No Sixer made the team, having shipped perennial favorite Allen Iverson to Denver last month, and they didn’t have anybody in the 3 point shoot-out or dunk contest either. (Kyle Korver could have qualified for the shootout as he did two years ago and Andre Iguadala was positively robbed in last year’s dunk contest and was granted the further humiliation of not even being invited back, as last year’s pint-size faux-champion Nate Robinson was.) The only person I had to cheer for this weekend, besides my favorite athlete from childhood and dunk contest judge, Julius Erving, was Sixer "All-Star" cheerleader,
Kimmie.
Part of my disinterest this year stems from the event being staged for the first time in Las Vegas. I’m sure only Miami’s Super Bowl earlier this month has ever hosted a larger group of celebrity hangers-on, self-deluded, self-described big shots and Entourage-inspired wannebes. No, thanks. (I love spotting celebrities at Laker and Clipper games as much as anybody but I never warmed to Las Vegas as personal tourist destination.)
Still, the NBA All-Star game, even though it remains a meaningless exhibition (unlike baseball’s midsummer classic), is still the best and most entertaining All Star event among America’s team sports. The football Pro Bowl is a joke, simply a chance for the best football players in the world to drink tropical drinks and try hard not to hurt each other. The baseball All-Star game is the original All-Star game. It might consist occasionally of a legendary, formidable batting lineup, or a comical moment like John Kruk refusing to step in against Randy Johnson, or a once-in-a-generation Carl Hubbell or Dwight Gooden, who strike out five or six Hall of Famers in a row. But who, ultimately, cares to see the game's top pitchers throw one inning each and the best position players in the world removed from the game by the 4th inning?
The National Basketball Association, however, is tailor-made for All-Star games. In no other sport are different skills and even
style put so clearly and consistently on display. When you buy tickets to see Kobe Bryant play, you know he won’t go oh-for-four. He may have off nights, but you can usually bet on him leading the Lakers in scoring every night. You may see an amazing buzzer beater one night, 72 points the next, then watch him miss the game winning shot on a different night. But the best players are always in the spotlight.
And most importantly, in no other sport are those skills and style asked to intermesh with other players as in hoops. The 21st century Association is a league as interesting psychologically as physically. Each star has his own "game". Kobe and Iverson play with chips on their shoulder. Nash elevates everybody around him. Yao is the gentle giant, continually establishing his presence. One would never say that in baseball. Some are quiet. Others are certainly fiery and tempermental. But the teamwork aspect is different. Each player is ultimately alone in the batter box.
Albert Pujols may be the world’s best baseball player, but he doesn’t have his own "game". It’s a style. It’s an aesthetic. And basketball has more of it than any other game. This is not a knock on baseball or football players, but it’s the reason you could attend an All-Star game and see David Ortiz go hitless in two at-bats and realize you’ve witnessed the typical oh-for that any ballplayer could accomplish. That’s just baseball. The best players fail most of the time and greatness is established by who is the most consistent. Peyton Manning, as he barks his audibles at the line of scrimmage, definitely has his own style, but his success is only half of the Colts success. The defense and other specialists have to hold up their end too. As a football fan, it doesn't bother me much that Dan Marino, my favorite all-time player, never won a championship. It wouldn't in baseball either. As good as you are, you still have to have a running game. And a couple good starting pitchers and a consistent bullpen. It
does, however, bother me that Iverson and Barkley never won championships. It's a blemish on their "games".
The NBA All-Star weekend also generally offers pretty well-rounded TV entertainment. And not just if you’re a hip-hop fan and enjoy the yearly contributions of the Christina Aguileras, Mary J. Bliges and Ushers of the world. The dunk contest is the only contest in American professional team sports that actually rewards points for style. The 3 point shoot-out, when guys are lighting it up, is as entertaining an event as anything in sports. The Skills Competition is interesting too. The only thing that could improve on the Saturday night festivities would be – as many have clamored for – if the top players in the world would compete in a game of H-O-R-S-E. It’d be fun. There’d be almost no risk of injury. Who wouldn’t watch that? Let's make it happen.
That being said, the first three quarters of any NBA All-Star game are as pointless as any other exhibition game. You can count on some hot-dogging, some incredible shots, passes and dunks, and absolutely no defense. No one ever raises an eyebrow when an All-Star team drops 140 or more points on their opponent – even though it’s almost 50 points more than the single game league average. But nearly every year, the NBA All-Star game holds the promise of witnessing a close game in the 4th quarter and the ideal situation of seeing ten of the best basketball players in the world competing against each other at their very best for 12 minutes. Challenging each other. Guarding each other tough. Leaping over one another. With athletes as physically different as Shaquille O’Neal and Allen Iverson trying to raise their "games" above and beyond their peers, one truly knows you’re seeing a sport in its full flower.
This year we didn’t get that. The West jumped out by 20 in the second quarter and never looked back. Steve Nash, the top point guard in the game was out with an injury, but it didn’t keep the Western Conference from setting an All-Star game record with 52 assists. Shaq’s a shadow of his former self. Iverson, still my favorite player in the league, was also hurt. But I’ll be back on board next year, most likely following Andre Iguadala, who smart money says will be making the first of many All-Star appearances.
---
One more basketball note:
Happy 44th Birthday,
Sir Charles!When I was ten years old, Dad took Chris and myself to watch the 76ers beat the Chicago Bulls in an overtime game at the old Chicago Stadium. Charles Barkley was a rookie that season, sharing the court with future Hall of Famers Julius Erving, Moses Malone and Maurice Cheeks, and would become the most dominant Sixer during the prime years of my basketball-loving childhood. A patron saint as well... I, too, was an undersized rebounding machine.
Speaking then as someone who spent the All-Star weekend at home wearing my retro Charles Barkley #34 jersey, I’d be remiss if I didn’t comment on
his weekend victory. I’m proud to say the aging Hall of Famer, the slightly out-of-shape, former Round Mound of Rebound defeated 60-plus referee Dick Bavetta in their sideshow foot race, though both embarrassed themselves by losing their footing and sliding down the court. Neither actually crossed the finish line. Charles may not have a championship ring, but he’s still got winning in his blood.
The Prodigal Brother - by Aaron Moeller
The pressures of tax season have again sent your blog host, Chris Moeller, into hiding, which means I have once again been asked to look after Chris’ lil’ corner of the internet kingdom for a week or so...and during February sweeps to boot! Fortunately for Chris, I was free this week having already been turned down by my first two choices at hosting gigs. ABC-TV’s
The View turned down my offer to guest host this week and then Rosie O’Donnell rejected me a second time by refusing to publish the poems I submitted to
her blog.Actually I’ve been hard at work the last few months maintaining my own blog but I thought the timing was right to again spread my ideas (and wings!) by returning to this site – the blog that gave me my internet name. If it’s been awhile since you’ve last visited my home page, rest assured it’s still devoted mostly to vaginal health and hygiene (visit me at
aaronsadviceforladiesdownthere.com), but also to my thoughts on music, sports, TV and some occasionally pragmatic but usually contradictory political discourse. I plan to do the same here. Sometimes I tell jokes too, though I’ll try not to work blue, out of respect for any children that may happen upon Chris’ site because they googled "Cole Porter lyrics about love and Valentine’s Day".
Though the February weather has made me a shut-in, I haven’t seen any movies lately, and it’s the slowest week of the entire sports’ year, this week does span two annual events that I rarely miss – last night’s NBA All-Star Game and next Sunday’s Academy Awards, so I’m sure those will be this week’s "Hot Topics" – as they say on
The View.
Thanks for the reins, Chris.
---
And now a poem...for someone who knows who she is...
FORGIVENESS
though u turned down my request
ro
i still think trump
is a big dick
and i still depend on yur thoughts
2 understand how
2 feel
about brittney shaving her head
and the death of not only
reality stars
but their parents as well
i still love u ro
and tell
joy, elizabeth and barbara
i love them
2
especially
elizabeth
and joy.
What is this thing called love?
Happy Valentine's Day to one and all. Especially to you there. You know who you are.
What is love, after all? Is it patient and kind, and all of those attributes you hear listed when they read from that little brown book at weddings? Is it "a many splendored thing" like the Four Aces said? Does it "walk in and take you for a spin?" as Cole Porter suggested? Does the 'L' symbolize the way you look at me, and the 'O,' shorthand for the only one I see, the 'V,' very, very/extra-ordinary, and the 'E,' even more/than anyone that you adore?
The love between Ira Gershwin and his late brother George was "here to stay," and evidently in Napoli, Italy, you've stumbled upon it when the stars make you drool along the lines of a plate of pasta fagiole. The coin-operated "Love Tester" at your local old-timey pizza parlor believes the presence of love dictates whether one is "uncontrollable" and "hot stuff" or simply "clammy" or "blah". Wikipedia, the free on-line encyclopedia, describes love as essentially an abstract concept, but the point is missing a citation for accuracy.
That damned Ken Levine has the best description. He did my dirty work for me again, that rascal. He
quotes today from the greatest character in television history, "Taxi"s Louie DePalma (played by Danny DeVito)...
Louie is trying to win back his girlfriend, Zena (Rhea Perlman). He asks if she loves him. She says she doesn't know what love is. He tells her she's in luck because he does. And he's the only person alive who can say that. He's read what everyone else says love is and they're always wrong. She finally asks him what it is, and Louie says: "Love is the end of happiness! The end. Because one day all a guy's got to do to be happy is watch the Mets. The next day you gotta have Zena in the room watching the Mets with you. You don't know why. They're the same Mets, it's the same room...but you gotta have Zena there."So it is.
Man in the middle
What makes for a modern hero in sports? Pushing yourself to the next level on the field of competition? Determination and commitment?
Acing your citizenship test?What makes a hero in sports today is what has always made a hero in sports or in any other human endeavor: grace, dignity, decency, and courage.
This man is demonstrating all four.
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My disdain for consolidated radio ownership and having to listen to 20 minutes of commercials per hour led me several months ago to Des Moines' urban station 89.3 KJMC-FM, "The Heart and Soul of the City." My new job and longer morning commute also means I've had a chance to slowly absorb and come to appreciate "The Tom Joyner Morning Show." It's
a program almost completely off the radar of white America, but one that's reaching a lot of hearts and souls across the nation. Check your local listings.
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I couldn't tell you another damned thing about presidential candidate Mitt Romney but I can tell you
he's a Mormon. Is that the best we can expect from our news media for insight? In 2008, it's the Mormon vs. the black man vs. the woman.
The party platforms
A quarter-page advertisement for the Iowa Republican Party appeared in today's
Des Moines Register listing seven of the guiding principles of the state party beneath pictures of Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan. There are 591,000 registered Republicans in Iowa, and possibly as many GOP presidential contenders in 2008. What exactly does the party stand for? Its
platform has the answers.
These are a few of the planks that caught my eye (with typos corrected):
1.6 We support agriculture and value added agriculture products in Iowa; therefore, we support the livestock industry in this state and support those who engage in it while recognizing the need to protect the environment, but not at the expense of a vibrant livestock industry.2.2 We believe the market place, not the government, should set the minimum wage.3.3 We support voluntary or student led prayer in government schools. The use of the Bible as a textbook should be allowed as a local option.3.4 We support the teaching of alternative theories on the origins of life including Darwinian Evolution, Creation Science or Intelligent Design, and that each should be given equal weight in presentation.3.8 We oppose the teaching of homosexual behavior as a normal, acceptable or alternative lifestyle, and believe that sex education must emphasize traditional heterosexual lifestyles.3.10 We support the abolition of the Federal Department of Education, and the removal of this position from the Cabinet. In addition, we call for the downsizing of the Iowa Department of Education. We believe that the control of education should be left to the parents, teachers, and local school boards.3.16 We appreciate the contribution all ethnic groups have made to our American culture. However, we do not support "ethnic history" months observed in many Iowa school districts.4.1 We support exploration and drilling for oil and natural gas in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and the outer continental shelf. (Editor's note: Is the recognition of an outer continental shelf an endorsement of Darwinian Evolution?)
5.1 We support an amendment to both the state and federal Constitutions defining marriage as the exclusive union between a man and a woman.5.2 We support the elimination of no-fault divorce.6.13 We assert that the phrase "separation of church and state" as is commonly used, contradicts the original intent and practice of the Framers of the Constitution.6.18 We believe we need to restructure our policies with the Native American Nations, including removing their sovereignty as Nations and making them ordinary American citizens.6.20 We call for an end to all Affirmative Action programs.7.4 We believe the vaccination of children, and medical decisions are best left to the parents without government coercion.8.6 We support a physical barrier along the entire Mexican/American border.8.10 We oppose any immigration reform that includes a "path to citizenship" for illegal aliens.9.5 We believe that pornography is not included under the protection of the First Amendment. We strongly support the enforcement of existing Federal obscenity and pornography laws, including requiring libraries to place internet filters on computers that are accessible to the public.12.8 We support the full dignity of a burial for all aborted fetuses in their entirety.12.9 We support the reversal of Roe vs. Wade and return of decision-making on abortion to the states.13.3 We oppose any tax increase on alcohol and cigarettes.13.6 We support the repeal of the 16th Amendment, the elimination of the IRS and replacing all federal income taxes with a national consumption tax.14.1 We commend President Bush for his outstanding leadership in the war on terrorism, for his efforts to strengthen national defense and homeland security, and for his part in renewing a spirit of unity and love for our country.I know what you're thinking. How could this bunch have fallen out of power? Also, you're thinking-- how in the world does Giuliani think he can pull it off? For the record,
here is the Iowa Democratic Party platform adopted last summer. It's got some real teeth to it. And here's hope that our visiting caucus contenders take heed.
The 49th Annual Grammy Awards
You're in for a treat. A delicious morsel of entertainment journalism. I decided to blog the Grammy Awards for the first time-- dishing the dirt and grooving with the tunes. I ask that you keep in mind from the start, however, that this event timeline of tonight's proceedings comes from a man who believes American music peaked just around the time that the Grammys began, when Frank, Dean, Sammy, Ella, Basie, Louis Armstrong, Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Patsy Cline, Ray Charles, Peggy Lee, and Nat Cole were all at their height.
I don't pretend to be expert on today's musical scene-- hell, I just worked myself up to Carole King's "Tapestry" this weekend-- but God help me I love fashion and red carpets, and I've heard reports that someone or some-
ones just brought sexy back. And I don't promise an improvement upon my Oscar night reportages. The Grammys often don't leave much to go on. They're
like the Oscars, but the awards are more arbitrary. The presenters' gags are even flatter (if that's possible), and the victors' speeches are even more poorly planned and executed. They're kind of like the Super Bowl, also-- with Prince, but dryer.
Regardless, the evening shook out this way...
6:59pm (central)-- "Ladies and gentleman, we are the Police, and we are back," shouted lead singer Sting, announcing the band's reunion tonight on national television. The P.R. stunt is the biggest gift the English rocker has given CBS since he sold "Brand New Day" to the Early Show.
7:03-- Jamie Foxx announces the winners for Best Pop Collaboration: Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder for their duet on the classic they both recorded separately decades ago-- "For Once in My Life." Alright. Two of my favorites, and probably yours too. We're off to a flying start. Stevie thanks his mother, and Tony thanks his son, who produced the record...and Target stores.
7:08-- The Dixie Chicks perform "Not Ready to Make Nice." More Grammy action from artists who appear on my CD shelf.
7:22-- You'll have to take my word for it, but I predicted out loud in my solitary apartment when they called Mary J. Blige's name for Best R&B something or other, that the first person she would thank would be Jesus. She truly gives one of the worst acceptance speeches of all-time: fawning praise for the almighty, followed by a kind of up yours to anyone who didn't believe in her, and then a lengthy, tiresome list of friends, collaborators, and business agents we've never heard of. I hope Blige never wins an Oscar.
7:36-- Justin Timberlake sings into a handheld camera that he's holding himself. What's the desired effect of this? I can see his zits.
7:47-- Corrine Bailey Rae, the artist most likely to knock Norah Jones out of the featured compact disc display at the coffee counter of your local Barnes and Noble, performs with Johns Mayer and Legend.
8:09-- Song of the Year goes to the Dixie Chicks and Dan Wilson for "Not Ready to Make Nice." It's fitting, I believe, since it was the only contender banned from major radio stations during the year. It's a shame America's uneasiness with the Bill of Rights forced the Chicks to cancel so many of their shows this summer, including the one in Des Moines. The cut to commercial has a fade on a couple of "cowboys" in the audience, dressed in black, not smiling, arms folded. Evidently they're not ready to make nice, either.
8:17-- I settle onto the couch with a bottle of Bud Select. The Gnarls Barkley duo perform their hit "Crazy"dressed as commercial airline pilots and with a military march drumlead.
8:33-- Mary J. Blige performs. In her song intro, she makes reference to the valleys she's experienced in her life and career. I have no idea what she's talking about. The Blige portions of the telecast require subtitles, or maybe a few of those old VH1 pop-up bubbles.
8:39-- The Dixie Chicks win Best Country Album. From a social standpoint, the Chicks are the only interesting thing about the Grammys this year. Not just because of the political subtext of their music, but because they so easily embody the strange gulf between Hollywood and Nashville, and in a way, two Americas. Natalie Maines let loose with the Nelson laugh from "The Simpsons" when they won this category. It's going to be a long night for country radio.
8:47-- Reba McIntire, smiling wide, introduces a country segment. Carrie Underwood sings the late Bob Wills' "San Antonio Rose." Then she launches into an Eagles medley with Rascal Flatts. I put the TV on mute during this segment and returned to my new Carole King.
9:08-- Lionel Richie follows Smokey Robinson in an R&B medley with 17-year-old Chris Brown. Nicole's father performs "Hello," hearkening back the Grammys of 1984, the formative awards show of my youth.
9:16--
The Showstopper: The moment we've all been waiting for. Shall we take just a moment now to reflect upon one
Christina Aguilera, who awakens so many "dirrty" feelings within us all. She belts out "It's a Man's World" in tribute to the late James Brown, and when she's finished, I've never been less sure of anything in my life. Her performance then requires me to take a 10 minute viewing break, and I miss the Music Academy's lecture on arts funding in the schools.
9:26-- The musical obituaries include Anita O'Day, Ruth Brown, Billy Preston, Buck Owens, Ahmet Ertegun, one of the Papas, and finally, the Godfather of Soul himself. His old right hand man ends the segment by draping the legend's cape over a microphone at center stage.
9:40-- When are they going to get to the rock-n-roll awards? There's really no rock-n-roll left, you see. James Blunt, the Leo Sayer of the new millennium, performs his hit "Beautiful," defying every viewer across America not to attempt their own James Blunt impression.
9:46-- I flip the channel and catch a few minutes of the cock-fighting episode of "Seinfeld"
9:57-- The Dixie Chicks claim Record of the Year. It's going to be difficult for them not to make nice after tonight.
10:09-- Would it kill the Grammys to let Tony Bennett perform sometime? He's been with CBS Records for 50 years. He's a fixture on the annual telecast, a frequent winner in the untelevised categories, but only ever used as a presenter. He's selling a hell of a lot more records these days than Smokey Robinson. Or the Police, for that matter.
10:12-- The voice-over guy said a half hour ago that we'd all be talking about the Red Hot Chili Peppers performance on Monday, but all that happened was the release of some confetti in the auditorium.
10:13-- The husband of explicit-rock-lyrics critic Tipper Gore presents the winner of Rock Album of the Year.
10:22-- Don Henley and Scarlett Johansson's breasts arrive on stage to announce that the Dixie Chicks have also
claimed Album of the Year. On the whole, no complaints here. Judge for yourself, however. Was it a better selection of winners than
those of the first Grammy telecast?
Oscars in two weeks.
Shaded depravity
There's
a bit of a hubbub over Prince's half-time show Sunday at the Super Bowl, during which the diminuitive rock star cast himself behind a cascading white sheet and held his electric guitar phallicly (phallicly?) at hip level. One television critic called it "a rude-looking shadow show" that "looked embarassingly rude, crude, and unfortunately placed."
It reminds me of the old gag-- stop me if you've heard it-- about the guy who goes to the psychiatrist's office and takes an inkblot test. The doc holds up a picture and says, "What do you see here?" and the man says "I see a pair of women's breasts with hard, protruding nipples." The doc says "How about
this picture?" and the man says "That's a naked woman with her legs spread wide apart in a come-hither pose." After a few more similar examples, the psychiatrist turns to the man and says, "You seem to be very preoccupied with sex," and the man says, "Me? You're the one with all the dirty pictures."
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A couple old "Yankee killers" died this week. Former Milwaukee Braves hurler
Lew Burdette passed Tuesday at the age of 80. He pitched Milwaukee to its only World Title in 1957, winning three complete games in the Fall Classic against the Yankees and posting an 0.67 ERA. The Braves' championship ended a heinous eight-year title streak for the city of New York. (Glad I missed it.) Former Cardinal
Max Lanier died a week earlier at the age of 91. He split a couple decisions against the Yankees in the '42 and '43 Series, but allowed only three runs in 19 1/3 innings in his appearances. (The '42 Series was the only one in 10 that Joe DiMaggio lost.) Max was the father of Hal Lanier, a former Whitey Herzog lieutenant with the Birds and a one-time manager of the Astros.
"Draftees of the world arise, you have nothing to lose but your cookies!"
TV Land aired the "M*A*S*H" classic "Adam's Ribs" tonight. In the 1974 episode, Hawkeye Pierce, having already eaten "a river of liver and an ocean of fish" in the 4077th mess tent, recruits Radar to place a call from Korea to Chicago, hoping to get a delivery of the delicious barbequed ribs he'd enjoyed years before from a restaurant near the Dearborn Street Station (where Colonel Blake's mother first allowed him to go to the bathroom by himself.) This episode, goes my theory, helped to spark the barbeque boom in the U.S., as millions sat down to dinner hour "M*A*S*H" reruns over the proceeding years.
I never knew if "Adam's Ribs" really existed, but I tracked it down tonight on Google. It's located at 1514 North Broadway in Joliet, indeed near the Dearborn Street Station.
Here's one of their recipes. It's telephone number is not actually Dearborn 5-2750, but they do deliver. Praise the lord, and pass the sauce.
Next week, the lowdown on Packo's Hungarian Hot Dogs in Toledo, Ohio.
You heard about it here first (unless you watched Wolf Blitzer's show on Sunday)
Completely ignored by the national news media among the 2008 Presidential campaigns has been that of
former Senator Mike Gravel. The Alaska Democrat is still most famous for having officially released the top-secret
Pentagon Papers in 1971, reading approximately 4,100 of its 7,000 pages into the Congressional record during a one-man filibuster against renewing the draft, and promptly being sued by President Nixon in the aftermath of his action. Gravel has been campaigning full-time in New Hampshire since announcing his White House bid last April.
Gravel's campaign received
a nice mention from Ralph Nader on CNN over the weekend, following a
rousing speech by the candidate to the Democratic National Convention, in which he outlined his support for the National Initiative for Democracy, a proposal to amend the Constitution to allow for national ballot initiatives.
The Senator's campaign is not well-funded or publicized, of course, because of his sharp opposition to the legalized corporate bribery of our electoral system, and the lockstep media's equation of campaign war chests with voter appeal. Gravel may ultimately be excluded even from the eventual televised campaign debates, thanks to a crowded field and a system in which Dennis Kucinich, a six-term Congressman representing one of America's largest cities and one of its most populous and moderate states, is viewed as a radical extremist.
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What a nice moment for African-Americans with both black head coaches equating themselves so well during the Super Bowl buildup and action this year. Thank goodness we still have the Queers and religious minorities to laugh at and exclude during the Sunday of one of more popular unofficial national holidays. I counted three TV ads in which effeminate men were the butt of tired gags, and then the winning coach used the winner's podium and microphone to congratulate the winning Christians in both locker rooms. Coach Dungy will next be headlining an event in March for the Indiana Family Institute, an off-shoot of Focus on the Family, which opposes gay adoption and marriage rights.
For the record, Bears head coach-- and former St. Louis Rams defensive coordinator, I'm proud to say, Lovie Smith
told reporters this week that his team would not oppose a gay teammate, "We don't get into people's personal lives that way. We judge players based on one thing: Can they play football? If you can play football, you can get into the locker room."
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There was only one great Super Bowl ad (one more than usual), and it was technically a network promo:
Letterman on the couch with Oprah.
