Selig appoints investigator, nation shrugs
The depths of the baseball commissioner's cowardice never ceases to amaze me. Bud Selig has surrendered to media pressure once again by naming former Senator George Mitchell as an independent investigator into Barry Bonds' and others' steroid use since 2002. The man never acts-- he just reacts. That's not leadership. That's John Kerry.
The commissioner has already implemented a successful "performance-enhancement" testing program. Has he rid his sport of steroid use? Of course not, but he's succeeded in putting baseball's testing on par with the other major American sports, and that's the most that can be expected considering that players will always attempt to stay a step ahead of the testing technology. By publicly flogging, er.. I mean, investigating, a notoriously unpopular and unsympathetic player (Bonds,) Selig thinks he's made a strong public relations move, but all he's really done is insure that the focus of the steroid question will remain on the past and not the future, which we should all agree is the opposite of our desired motive in protecting this nation's impressionable youth and all that other bullshit.
What exactly is it anyway that makes the bitter and resentful sports media think Bud Selig can nail Bonds on a perjury charge when the federal government has already failed to do so? Am I the only person who thinks there's a major disconnect between the media and the fans on this issue? By and large, I think fans are quick to pile on the players they don't like and eager to defend their favorites or the players on their favorite teams (Gary Sheffield's certainly received a free ride-- I suspect, because sportswriters are physically intimidated by him.) If the fans are angry or even just disappointed with Major League Baseball, they're certainly not proving it with their pocketbooks or at stadium turnstiles.
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It doesn't fit into the media's preferred narrative but Barry Bonds had an extraordinary, albeit brief, spring training. He pounded out 10 hits in 16 at-bats with four home runs. Not bad for a 41-year-old man in full rehab who just passed his drug test. As his agent pointed out Thursday, Bonds had three knee surgeries last year, no spring training, and no rehab assignment, and he still came back and hit five home runs in 14 games. It just goes to show the vast ignorance of the game. It's not massive arms and legs, or even superior hand-eye coordination, that separates the Bonds and McGwires from their contemporaries. It's their tunnel vision at home plate. If Bonds retires as baseball's all-time home run king, it will be an extraordinary achievement by any standard.
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Senator Russ Feingold's motion to censure the President for his wiretapping program isn't getting much support from fellow Democrats, but former Nixon White House Counsel John Dean testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee today that he believes Bush's domestic spying exceeds the criminal wrongdoing of Dean's former boss in the Watergate scandal. Even if the censure goes down to defeat, and it will, Feingold will have succeeded in sparking more investigation and congressional attention to the spying program, and forced the President's supporters to fail back on that old chestnut line-- we can't weaken the presidency during wartime-- paying no mind to the truth that we're now in a state of perpetual war. Only California Senator Barbara Boxer and our Iowa Senator Tom Harkin have had the courage to sign on as co-sponsors to the censure motion.
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I found
this map on-line. It's red state/blue state America corresponding to President Bush's lastest approval ratings.
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Former Senator Gary Hart had this to say today on the Arianna Huffington blogsite:
"I have been pleading with the American press corps for months to ask the Bush administration one simple question, a question designed to expose our true agenda: 'Are we, or are we not, constructing permanent military bases in Iraq?'...
"Despite recent assurances that we were going to withdraw our military from Iraq as soon as we 'stand up' the Iraqi military, President Bush stated a few days ago that his legacy to his successor was the Iraqi war.
"As we learned nothing from the French experience in Indochina, we have learned nothing from the 28-year British occupation of Iraq. Presumably, our remaining forces, say 50,000 to 75,000, will be garrisoned outside the chaotic urban areas where they will be used to keep Syria at bay, intimidate the Iranians, and protect the Saudis (and their/our oil). Problem is, garrisoned U.S. forces will be safe within their fortresses from suicide bombers but sitting targets for mortars and IEDs launched by primitive artillery.
"Anyone thinking we are entering the end-game better wake up."
Depressing.
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It seems as though having to
review this weekend's premiering "Basic Instinct II" has dropped Roger Ebert into a bit of an existential or career crisis.
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If you're a cable television subscriber, you may already know that Showtime has a free programming preview this weekend. I'm looking forward to the re-broadcast of the landmark musical special "Liza with a 'Z'" from the early 1970s, airing Saturday night. Liza Minnelli will also be the guest of David Letterman tonight on "The Late Show." She's easily my favorite among the gay icons. (Sorry, Sharon Stone.)
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Quote of the day: Big-leaguer Rickey Henderson, a couple years ago, when asked if Ken Caminiti's estimate that 50 percent of MLB players were taking steroids was accurate, "Well, Rickey's not one of them, so that's 49 percent right there."
The sports page
Four years behind me at Iowa State University came a basketball player by the name of Paul Shirley, a 6'10" center who was named to the all-academic Big 12 team four times. Shirley has since parlayed a journeyman's professional career and an on-line blogging assignment for espn.com into a television opportunity. His on-line journal entries have run the gamut from league city travelogues to descriptions of player/groupie relations. The self-described "little-used, semi-normal white guy" playing in the NBA is one of your brighter bulbs, a friend of a friend, and, I think, a character you'll find very endearing.
This is his summary of how the TV show based on his personal and professional life came into development, and
this is my favorite of his more recent blog entries.
Oh, and
this one (subscription required) is for you Cyclones fans.
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The Cardinals begin their 2006 season Monday afternoon at Philadelphia. In a key subplot, starting pitcher and Cy Young Award winner Chris Carpenter will be trying to halt Phillies' shortstop Jimmy Rollins' 36 game hitting streak held over from last year. It's the longest hit streak in baseball since Paul Molitor's 37 game run in 1987 and 20 short of Joe DiMaggio's record.
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The Chicago White Sox will start the season with a higher payroll than the crosstown Cubs. They are the defending World Champions but this defies all logic.
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I've been trying to think of something to say-- something
good to say--
about the NCAA basketball tournament. I just couldn't care less about it. The sport is experiencing a remarkable drought of distinct teams and standout players going back probably all the way to Michigan's Fab Four in the early '90s. College hoops is in desperate need of a new Lew Alcindor, a dominant 30-points-a-game type performer on a great team. It would be most entertaining to me if they stopped playing defense again, like they did in the late '80s.
I'm probably the only person who doesn't like the 64-team elimination format. It's front-heavy in excitement and, among all major sports tournaments, is least likely to produce a championship game between two true titans, i.e. 1979's Michigan State/Indiana State final. ("Cinderella"-type upsets are only exciting until the next round when you have a hungover 15 seed battling a number seven.) Not a single player in this year's Final Four is, or will ever be, a household name, and the four teams' coaches are the towering figures of John Brady, Ben Howland, Jim Larranaga, and Billy Donovan. Thank God for gambling, huh?
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Hey, I've got some hockey for you. The team that I claim when forced-- the St. Louis Blues-- were eliminated from NHL playoff contention last week for the first time since 1979, ending the longest franchise playoff streak in professional sports at 24. There are two principle reasons you had never heard of this streak: 1) the NHL allows over half of its teams into the playoffs each year, and 2) because the Blues never won the Stanley Cup during this stretch or even managed to reach the Cup Finals. Still, it's a noteworthy achievement, and here's why I think so-- compare the changes in the league between 1979 and now with the following lists of league franchises...
2006 (30)
Anaheim Mighty Ducks, Atlanta Thrashers, Boston Bruins, Buffalo Sabres, Calgary Flames, Carolina Hurricanes, Chicago Blackhawks, Colorado Avalanche, Columbus Blue Jackets, Dallas Stars, Detroit Red Wings, Edmonton Oilers, Florida Panthers, Los Angeles Kings, Minnesota Wild, Montreal Canadiens, Nashville Predators, New Jersey Devils, New York Islanders, New York Rangers, Ottawa Senators, Philadelphia Flyers, Phoenix Coyotes, Pittsburgh Penguins, San Jose Sharks, St. Louis Blues, Tampa Bay Lightning, Toronto Maple Leafs, Vancouver Canucks, Washington Capitals
1979 (17)
Atlanta Flames, Boston Bruins, Buffalo Sabres, Chicago Blackhawks, Colorado Rockies, Detroit Red Wings, Los Angeles Kings, Minnesota North Stars, Montreal Canadiens, New York Islanders, New York Rangers, Philadelphia Flyers, Pittsburgh Penguins, St. Louis Blues, Toronto Maple Leafs, Vancouver Canucks, Washington Capitals
I'm almost ready to let this go
The final nail may have been driven into the "Arrested Development" coffin on Monday. Series creator Mitch Hurwitz, citing both creative exhaustion and contractual displeasure, says he
will be leaving the helm of the Emmy-winning television show.
Now brighten your day with recollections of a long-ago-cancelled TV series. Enjoy
these 20 golden moments with Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith Show, courtesy of the Onion's AV Club.
Si se puede!
It's receiving insufficient media attention in its third day, but Americans by the thousands are taking to the streets to peacefully protest against proposed legislation in Washington that would make it a felony to be in the country illegally and make it a crime for citizens to aid illegals. Protesters marched by the hundreds of thousands in Los Angeles on Saturday, as far east as D.C. today, as far north as Detroit, and as deep into the country's heartland as Chicago and Milwaukee over the weekend. The crowd in excess of 500,000 in L.A. was larger than the anti-war demonstration during the Vietnam conflict.
This is a message from the American people to their elected representatives informing them that they're tired of the fear tactics being waged by the Bush Administration and the Congress for their so-called "war on terror." They're sick of the rhetoric over deportation and punishment for the latest batch of newcomers in a nation founded by illegal immigrants, and it's evidence that they're ready to support candidates that back a new official path to citizenship for our most recent arrivals. Quite pointedly, it's incumbent upon Democrats to hear this message, first and foremost, and carry it as their own in 2006. Republicans are divided on the issue of immigration between their pro-business moderate wing and their hard-right xenophobic base, while the Democrats' minority and inner-city constituency has received a jolt of energy for its pursuit of social justice. Will Hispanics be welcomed to the party with open arms before the November mid-terms? And just as importantly, with important votes still looming, will the candidates seeking re-election be sure their actions match their rhetoric?
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In running this country straight into the toilet, the legislative branch of our government deserves no less blame than does the President. On Thursday, Bush II became the longest-sitting chief executive since Thomas Jefferson not to exercise his power of veto, surpassing James Madison, now with 1893 days of Congressional compliance. As of Wednesday, Congress had sent him 1,091 bills and he had signed every last one of them. It's hard to be sure who's leading who off the cliff of moral and economic bankruptcy, but it should be plain to all that both branches have been complicit.
Almost home
Only 11 days remain until baseball's Opening Day, April 3rd.
Are you ready?
Who would Jesus torture?
The answer to the above question remains as murky as ever thanks to a
new poll released by the Pew Research Center. Most intriguing to me about the poll is that if you combine the number of Christians who think torture is either never or rarely acceptable, you get a combined total of 42 percent of Catholics and 49 percent of white Protestants. The comparable opposition of "secular" Americans (Atheists and Agnostics, no?) is 57 percent. Do Christians in America need to see accused terrorists nailed to a tree to recognize the parallels?
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One of the few enduring rock bands is Steely Dan, probably because they weren't really a rock band. Their lead man, Donald Fagen, is coming
back for more.
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If you never saw the "Without a Trace" television episode that provoked a three and half million dollar fine from the FCC, fear not-- your vigilant neighbors at the Parents Television Council have posted a detailed text and video link of the offending scene. Enjoy all of the
white-hot teen-on-teen-on-teen pornographic action courtesy of one of America's most trusted media watchdog groups.
We dedicate this championship to Pat Morita
This year's inaugural World Baseball Classic has to be considered a success. Although we were denied a strong showing by the United States, U.S. matchups against Cuba, Puerto Rico, Venezuela, or the Dominican Republic, and a championship game flush with MLB superstars, passions ran high for most of the ballclubs and their fans, and the games themselves were well played and exciting.
Many of the concerns baseball people had prior to the tournament wound up being unfounded. The players arrived in good playing condition, and they stayed healthy throughout the two week tourney. Fans of the United States surely felt let down by the results, of course. The New York Yankees-dominated national team played lacklusterly while the Bronx owner sobbed to the press about his superstars' absence from his camp, but it seemed like every time I tuned in, I got to watch the stars of Venezuela or the Dominican Republic gutting it out for national pride, and the unknown Cuban players showing a world of talent.
When the WBC returns in 2009, there will have been some tinkering done to the format. You can be sure of that. It's unfortunate that it has to be a single matchup round robin event, but best-of-three "head-to-heads" would triple the duration of the tourney, and I'm a big believer that March is the best time of year to play the games. Besides, the sudden death aspect of the format wasn't as sudden as one might have anticipated. The Japanese lost three out of four games in the second round pool, fell victim to some bad umpiring by an ex-MLB
clown, and still managed to win the championship. I happen to think that a Cuban victory would have made for the best finish, but it was hard not to feel great for the Japanese when they carried their home run hero/manager Sadaharu Oh off the field Monday night. Dominican hero Albert Pujols awaits his championship in October.
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The timing of the tournament wasn't great for the Chicago White Sox, the most marginalized team in Major League Baseball. Even when they're World Champions, they aren't really World Champions.
Pale hose secondbaseman Tadahito Iguchi has a lot to brag about these days, although he wasn't on the Japanese roster.
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I haven't watched a lick of the NCAA basketball tournament, but I read one interesting thing about it. Evidently on Sunday, when Bradley University of Peoria, IL played the University of Pittsburgh, the CBS scoreboard abbreviated the matchup-- Brad/Pitt.
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I owe you an update on my professional life. I'm starting new work next month as a counselor for a non-profit company called Iowa Student Loan. It's the closest I'll ever get to going back to school.
Feingolden
Corporate Democrats were scattering like rats last week when Senator Russ Feingold of Wisconsin proposed censuring the president because of his warrantless wiretapping program. When they're not busy appeasing Republicans or bellying up to the trough of Washington corporate contributions, these Democrats make a habit of denouncing or completely ignoring any remotely courageous statement made by one of their more principled colleagues-- falling over themselves to satisfy a right-bending electoral strategy that has cost them every branch of the government over the course of the last two decades. "(Feingold) is running for the position of the most loathsome person," said one anonymous party insider, fearing that Feingold's comments would divide the party and make it appear soft on terrorism.
The president's approval ratings are currently running just north of convicted murderer Scott Peterson's, yet a bizarre article appeared on the front page of the New York Times last week parroting GOP talking points under the headline, "Call For Censure Is Rallying Cry to Bush's Base," and Indiana Senator Evan Bayh, a likely candidate for president in 2008, trashed Feingold's statements. What makes little sense to me is why forcing an out-of-touch radical right wing base to rally around its unpopular president would handicap the opposition party even if it were true. Proof negative are the comments of Republican Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island, in a tight re-election race in 2006, who noted that Feingold raised good points and that he hadn't ruled out even supporting the measure.
By failing to rally behind Senator Feingold, most of his Democratic colleagues have given the eternally-cowed media the opportunity to paint censure supporters as extremists, when in truth they're the majority. In a Zogby
poll taken in January, a majority of Americans believed Congress should consider holding Bush accountable for his wiretapping program, not simply with the threat of censure, but with impeachment-- including 59 percent of Independents.
The real thorn in the paw of these progressive imposters is not the party's collective future, but their own personal accountability. Feingold, after all, is in the separate and enviable position of having been the only member of the Senate with the balls to vote against both the war in Iraq and the Patriot Act.
Says one blogger: "If you handed some of these guys a sword and said, 'Go out and do battle,' they'd look at it and complain that the blade is too sharp and maybe they would cut themselves, then write a mass e-mail asking for donations to buy a butter knife." When Americans look at Democrats, they don't see a party of principles, they see a party attempting
to project principles. When it fails to cash in on its tremendous advantages in the midterm elections in November, hearken back to this moment in time.
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CBS got nailed with a record $3.6 million fine by the FCC babysitters on Wednesday for an episode of "Without a Trace" that aired on New Year's Eve featuring scenes of partially dressed teenagers engaged in both couples and group sex. CBS, in a statement, said the episode dealing with the disappearance and possible rape of a teenager "featured an important and socially relevant story line warning parents to exercise greater supervision of their teenage children." A majority among five unelected representatives at the FCC, however, believed that one specific scene was "highly sexual charged and explicit" despite the fact there was no nudity. "Without a Trace," for its part, has tumbled so far out of the American mainstream during the three succeeding months since the episode aired that it's now only among the five most-watched TV series of the year.
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If the FCC wants to hold the entertainment industry properly accountable to its consumers, it would focus its attention on the real nuisances. Luckily, on-line friends are doing just that.
One of my pet peeves is the misleading reporting of box office grosses, which is designed to make each new blockbuster film look like a record-breaker. I found this
site, though, that ranks the films all-time factoring in price inflation. The top 100 becomes a very different list.
Another burgeoning pet peeve is the influx of DVD cases and menu screens that reveal major plot points about the movies and TV shows contained therein. (If I wanted my entertainment pre-digested, I'd write to the Family Research Council.)
Here, Roger Ebert's webmaster has a list of DVDs you should rent and load with glaze averted, and I'd like to personally add "The Sopranos" and "Arrested Development" DVD series to the list as well.
A Few Thoughts For the Road, Including Advice: Never Pay More Than $10 For a Meal, Or $20 For a Suit - by Aaron Moeller
Are you like me? Are you a sports nut who also has a love of congressional hearings, special investigators and grand jury testimony? Then, friend, baseball is the sport for you! We all may be a bit burned out by this steroid stuff, but I’m still drawn like a moth to the flame when I see an article with new accusations. This summer is going to bring some serious drama. This week, word of a new Barry Bonds book hit the news. Read some excerpts
here and some recently published details of his BALCO testimony
here.
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Are you a basketball fan who has wondered if you’re the only person that’s noticed that Steve Nash’s point guard style of play owes a lot to the fact that teammate Amare Stoudamire has an improvisational basketball style that resembles Miles Davis’ music and that Shawn Marion’s style resembles Thelonious Monk’s? Then check out
freedarko.com. Recently added as a link to the
McSweeney’s literary site, this is my favorite basketball blog and offers up unusually thoughtful ideas about the psychology of professional athletes. There are a lot of contributors that are major 76ers fans and I was especially taken in this week by the Samuel Dalembert commentary. Also check out the article entitled "Off the Head like Decapitation" and its intriguing theory that the rap world’s equivalent to Allen Iverson are the "freestylers" and how this explains the fact that teammates often have a hard time adjusting to AI's game.
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It looks like of my first round NCAA upset specials, the only one I called correctly was the Wisconsin-Milwaukee win over Oklahoma. I also overrated the Hawkeyes that they wouldn’t collapse like a house of cards until the second round.
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This will be my final posting during my guest week on this blog. Hopefully, I’ve done the boss proud and will get the permanent guest-hosting job when Johnny finally decides to retire. Chris’ staff was incredibly welcoming and accepting of my people and myself this week and I apologize for the misunderstanding with the under-aged intern. I want to thank Chris for being a great sport and allowing me to do this. As to our differences, I was surprised – but thankful – that he was more than willing to relinquish control and let me do my thing. (Like Dad always says – "You know Chris, he has to be the bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral.")
Thanks Chris. It’s nice to be known for something beyond being the go-to guy when you need your outboard motor rebuilt. You may not see me for awhile, but I'll be right around the corner.
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As to Scientology: If you’d like to "read more about it", check out the following texts –
Dianetics and other writings by L. Ron Hubbard, the article "Inside Scientology" in last week’s issue of
Rolling Stone, and any issue of
In Touch Weekly, a magazine devoted almost exclusively to the life of Operating Thetan, Tom Cruise.
My Top 20 Favorite Singers - by Aaron Moeller
Chris used this blogsite a year ago to expound on his own personal Top 50 favorite films. That gave me the idea, back then, to collect my 50 favorite songs. I compiled that list but soon realized that keeping the number down to 50 was impossible. I ended up with exactly 63 "essential" recordings that I simply couldn’t live without.
I wanted to share that list on the blog this week during my guest-hosting gig, but I realized it was too much. Just as Chris spread his movie reviews over a couple months, that was just too much to accomplish here. Simply posting the list, without commentary for each song, wasn’t worth it.
What I’ve decided instead is to post my list of 20 favorite singers. I originally planned on 10, but again found it too restricting. So 20 it is. (Even at 20, I’ve felt the need to name honorable mentions.) Keep in mind I’m not taking other factors, such as songwriting or musicianship into account, just voice and singing. Also, I understand that some people have vocal chords that are so trained and immaculate that they should be stripped out and hung in a museum somewhere, but I’m from the school that that doesn’t necessarily make them great singers. They have to hit the notes, of course, but what more is there to singing, after all, than expression and delivery? It may seem, looking at the list, that I’m not terribly interested in a lot of today’s popular music. That’s a correct assumption. Here is the list, as complete as one can be without Sammy Hagar, and with the understanding that I’ve probably forgotten someone and could completely change my mind by tomorrow. Warning: The order of some of the names on the list may seem sacrilegious, but it’s my damn list. Sorry it's so long.
Honorable mention (in alphabetical order): Louis Armstrong, Anita Baker, Solomon Burke, Iris DeMent, Merle Haggard, Emmylou Harris, PJ Harvey, David Hidalgo of Los Lobos, Billie Holiday, Richard Manuel of The Band, Gwen McCrae, Stevie Nicks, Roy Orbison, Dolly Parton, Otis Redding, Tina Turner, and Cassandra Wilson.
#20 – James Brown
JB is everyone’s favorite for raspy-voiced, dance floor soul. He practically invented funk music, I think, not through his band, but through his vocal yelps and hollers. BEST EVIDENCE:
Live at the Apollo (1962); "Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag".
#19 – Prince
This guy owes a ton to James Brown, but has an upper register that exceeds the Godfather’s. BEST EVIDENCE: the pining soul of "How Come U Don’t Call Me Anymore"; "If I Was Your Girlfriend".
#18 – Bob Dylan
I’ll get letters about this one, but the man’s done as much for phrasing as Sinatra. Do this: seek out a little known song called "Someone’s Got a Hold of My Heart" from the
Bootleg Series box set, learn it and then sing along with it, feeling first hand how he plays with the melody line. No one else sings rock ‘n roll like this. Granted, his live voice has lost a lot of range in the last few years, but check out "Moonlight" off of
Love and Theft, his latest album, and see how sweet his voice can still sound. Seek out his cover of "Delia" from ’93 and the way he sings the line "All the friends I ever had are gone". No one else could sing it with such an effective, sage, world-weary voice. I haven’t even touched on his older ‘60’s stuff, before his voice weakened. Those classic songs aren’t just famous because of how well they’re written. He invented a new voice for satire, cynicism, outrage – emotions that didn’t previously exist in popular music. Also listen to Bob invent rap music in 1965 with "Subterranean Homesick Blues".
#17 – Brian Wilson
Mike Love’s is the distinctive voice on the Chuck Berry-style rockers, but the best of the Beach Boys owes itself to the sweet, childlike vulnerability of Brian Wilson’s singing. BEST EVIDENCE: "Surfer Girl"; "God Only Knows"; "Surf’s Up".
#16 – Sam Cooke
Half of the people on this list would tell you who the originator is. Damn, I probably should have him higher. Known mostly for his silky-smooth croon, but he’s as equally adept at chitlin-circuit soul as he is in the studio, backed with lush horns. EVIDENCE: "A Change is Gonna Come";
Live at the Harlem Square Club.
#15 – Mick Jagger/Van Morrison (tie)
These are the great blues-soaked British Invasion voices. For years, I thought Van’s "Blue Money" was a Rolling Stones song, so I’m going to go ahead and squeeze them together on this list and kill two birds with one Stone and one Irishman. EVIDENCE: Van – "Caravan", the live
It’s Too Late to Stop Now album, the hypnotic conclusion to "Ancient Highway" where the Belfast Cowboy, paralyzed with feeling, begins to physically muffle his own vocals. Mick – "Monkey Man"; the strut of "Miss You"; the live version of "Midnight Rambler". I’d throw in "Gimme Shelter", too, if background singer Mary Clayton didn’t sweep down from Heaven and steal the song away.
#14 – Sarah Vaughan
This is the late night voice I listen to most. Billie Holiday’s is maybe the most distinctive in the history of blues and jazz, but I prefer Vaughan’s range and variety. EVIDENCE: Her versions of "Misty" and "Send in the Clowns".
#13 – Howlin’ Wolf/Tom Waits (tie)
There exists some songs that only these two cats can put a stamp on. A couple of Louis Armstrongs from Hell. Ain’t no blues without the devil, and Lucifer's voice probably sounds something like these. If blues is a mixed drink, these guys are booze and most singers are club soda. EVIDENCE: Wolf – "Ain’t Superstitious"; "Killing Floor"; and the greatest blues on record, "Smokestack Lightnin’". Waits – the Iraq War-inspired "Hoist that Rag"; "16 Shells from a 30-ought Six"; but he scores biggest when he goes sweet and sentimental on "Time", "Ruby’s Arms" from
Big Time, and "Take It with Me".
#12 – Elvis Presley
This is the voice that escapes the pain of the blues. And he can sing anything – deep blues, rockabilly, gospel, with dashes of Dean Martin and Marty Robbins. EVIDENCE: "Mystery Train"; "Love Me"; "One Night with You" (or its original "One Night of Sin"); "Take My Hand, Precious Lord"; the live "American Trilogy".
#11 – Bruce Springsteen
The reputation of Springsteen and his band is largely based on thunderous four-guitar, two-keyboard, high energy live shows that make cavernous stadiums feel like intimate theatres. Lost somewhere in the E Street shuffle is what’s developed into the most powerful voice in rock ‘n roll. His range and expressiveness have grown through the years and is now one of the most versatile, distinctly masculine voices in history. EVIDENCE: his newly discovered falsetto in "All I’m Thinkin’ About" and "Lift Me Up"; the entire
Live in New York City album.
#10 – Stevie Wonder
Such a distinctive, high voice that’s somehow not a typical rhythm and blues voice. I don’t know who to compare it to. Best when wrapped around love songs. EVIDENCE: "My Cherie Amour"; "Ribbon in the Sky"; "Overjoyed". For the full 10 minute version of "Do I Do", it’s best to wear a seat belt.
#9 – Aretha Franklin
The operatic rhythm and blues singer by whom all others are measured. No one is in her class, but of contemporary singers, Mariah Carey and Mary J. Blige are both definitely the real deal. EVIDENCE: "I Never Loved a Man (the Way I Loved You)", but especially "Until You Come Back to Me (That’s What I’m Going to Do)" – I’m a sucker for the "knock on your, knock on your, knock on your windowpane" part at the end.
#8 – Ray Charles
Like Cooke,
the soul originator, the link between Nat King Cole crooning, blues singers like Lowell Fulson, and old time religion. EVIDENCE: "I Believe to My Soul"; "Mess Around"; the way Brother Ray delivers the line "I got tears all in my eyes" in "That Lucky Old Sun".
#7 – Ronald Isley
The definitive soul-funk singer if only because the Isley Brothers have a way with a ballad that James Brown doesn’t. EVIDENCE: "This Ol’ Heart of Mine"; "It’s Your Thing" is unsurpassed. For some reason, "Shout (Parts 1 & 2)" makes me want to buy laundry detergent, but there’s no denying the vocal is like a ride on the Space Shuttle.
#6 – Sam Moore
Credit has to go his late singing partner, Dave Prater, too, but Sam Moore is soul music dynamite. Soul Men Sam and Dave had the perfect blend of high and low, with grace in the middle. They were the biggest of the STAX records acts, the Dirty South counterpart to Motown polish and style. No one in rock ‘n roll who sings this high, sings this powerfully. EVIDENCE: "I Take What I Want"; "Wrap It Up"; the sneaky, rollicking tenderness of "Soothe Me"; but the best, without a doubt, is "Hold On, I’m Comin’". Do three things – 1. Seek out Sam’s soaring backing vocals on the ’92 Springsteen album
Human Touch. 2. Watch Moore’s version of "When Something is Wrong with My Baby" (at the age of sixty-plus) from the ’03 concert film
Only the Strong Survive. 3. Thank me.
#5 – Frank Sinatra
Even though his pipes are ten times better, Sinatra's the reason performers like Bob Dylan and Tom Waits can be great singers. He made singing a form of acting. No matter where the song is coming from or who the songwriter is, you instinctively know each recording is from the same Character. In this case, a tough but vulnerable guy subtly making you question if maybe it really is the
singer and not the song. EVIDENCE: "One for My Baby"; "It Was a Very Good Year"; "Fly Me to the Moon";
Live at the Sands with Count Basie.#4 – Al Green
Even now, he has the best falsetto in the business and he’s always got the funk of some Memphis bass, organ and horns to bounce his vocals off of. Delivers the goods however you need ‘em – down and dirty or clean and sacred, and all of it holy. I'm ready to testify. EVIDENCE: "Tired of Being Alone", "Jesus is Waiting", the whoops and hollers and the "love will make you do right, love will make you do wrong"’s in "Love and Happiness".
#3 – Mavis Staples
The sexiest song ever recorded is "Let’s Do It Again" by the Staple Singers with Curtis Mayfield. (2nd place is Gwen McCrae’s "Rockin’ Chair".) Maybe it’s the borderline profanity of sacred sounds from that deep, rich, breathy, Earth Mother voice, but this girl starts any stalled engine. As with Rev. Al, there’s got to be something to why those who keep a foot in the gospel world, also turn out the best secular music. EVIDENCE: "If You’re Ready (Come Go with Me)"; "I’ll Take You There"; her latest album
Have a Little Faith.
#2 – Ronnie Spector
Little Veronica’s sexy voice is somehow the yin to Mavis’ cosmic yang. Equal parts little girl innocence and street-tough worldliness. Her signature "whoa oh, WHOA oh oh oh" rings the pop music bell, it’s the rock ‘n roll call to worship. My job in retail entails listening to Christmas music all day long every December. I get through the month waiting impatiently for the 3 minutes every day when I get to hear "Sleigh Ride" by the Ronettes. Gwen Stefani owes her part of her career. EVIDENCE: "Be My Baby" is so good – it’s the "Be My Baby" of Rock ‘n Roll. "Baby, I Love You"; "Walking in the Rain".
#1 – Marvin Gaye
The best of the best. Like Elvis, he could sing anything. As with Al Green, you might just find your soul saved. There are recordings of standards that suggest he could have just as easily have been a Sinatra-style jazz singer if that’s where his muse had taken him. The most dynamic soul voice with range, shades of expression, a soulful rasp and as much sugar sweetness as you need, but more than any other popular singer, there’s a troubled darkness here, too. Sin, beauty, love and only a prayer for salvation. EVIDENCE: "Can I Get a Witness"; the Tammi Tyrell duets; "Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler)"; "What's Going On"; the high strains and lyrical somersaults of "Trouble Man".
A Remembrance – by Aaron Moeller
One of my favorite features of Chris’ blog is his obituaries. Whenever some public figure passes to the other side, Chris generally responds with a nice remembrance on this site, always with fond memories or anecdotes noting some personal attachment.
A couple weeks ago, my heart was warmed by Chris’ tribute to Don Knotts. A year ago, it was Johnny Carson, but there have also been more obscure favorites along the way, such as comic Mitch Hedberg and the guy who played Seinfeld’s dad. Chris even wrote something about St. Louis native and Bowling Hall of Famer Dick Weber. Who knew Chris knew anything about Lou Rawls? Not me. And I shared a womb with him.
So you can imagine how much I’ve been praying that some celebrity would drop dead on my watch, giving me the opportunity to express something this week that shows my own interest and passion for the beloved recently-dead.
Actress Maureen Stapleton died this week, but I’m not really familiar with her work. She played anarchist Emma Goldman in the movie “Reds”. Hmm… I’ve been meaning to rent that one. Never saw “Cocoon” either. The only movie of hers that I think I’ve seen, according to the Internet Movie Database is the lost Michael Keaton classic, “Johnny Dangerously”. (His last name was an adverb, people!) I loved that movie as a kid but she only had a handful of scenes. A game show host died Monday, too – the guy who hosted “Press Your Luck”. I thought I’d remember him, but he barely looked familiar in the photo I saw.
So it looks like I’m left with my back-up plan:
Like Hitler, many people have wondered if Slobodan Milosovic was perhaps kind to small animals….
Nevermind. It’s no use. I’ll just give my NCAA tournament predictions.
I didn't fill out a bracket this year, but I'll give some upset specials, just so I can say I called them:
In the D.C. bracket - #12 Utah St. over #5 Washington
In Minneapolis – (what the hell, why not?) #10 Northern Iowa over #7 Georgetown, #13 Pacific over #4 Boston College, #11 Wisc.-Milwaukee over #6 Oklahoma.
And I pick all #9 seeds over #8’s
Round #2 upsets:
#6 West Virginia over #3 Iowa (according to most brackets I’ve seen predicted on the internet, this has been a wildly popular upset pick), #7 Marquette over #2 UCLA, #6 Indiana over #3 Gonzaga
Final Four:Duke, N. Carolina, Villanova and Kansas.
In the championship, I predict the ghost of Rollie Massimino will lead Villanova to victory over Duke. (Oops. It turns out Rollie Massimino isn’t dead yet. I’ll try to come up with some nice things to say about him, just in case he doesn’t make it through the week.)
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Also, on Friday night, at the University Arena in Albuqurque, New Mexico, I pick the Harlem Globetrotters over the Washington Generals.
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Joke of the day:
This joke comes to us from the late, great King of Memphis himself, Rufus “Walk the Dog” Thomas:
A young boy is studying for a spelling bee, but is interrupted by his hard, domineering father, who says, “Son, you better do well on that spelling bee tomorrow. If you disappoint the family, there’s gonna be hell to pay.”
The next day, the kid comes home from school hanging his head with a glum look on his face. “I lost the spelling bee, Dad,” he confesses.
The father is outraged. “You dummy, I can’t believe you lost,” he says. “What word did you lose on?”
“Posse,” the boy replies.
“It’s no wonder you can’t spell it!" Dad fumes. "You can’t even say it!”
Moeller TV Listings 3/14/06 – by Aaron Moeller
Alert! Scientology in the News!
It looks like my main man from Memphis, Isaac Hayes, has decided to leave his gig doing the voice of Chef on “South Park”. According to msn.com, Hayes, a long-time Scientologist, says “there is a place in the world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry toward religious beliefs of others begins”.
“South Park” co-creator Matt Stone says the departure has “100 percent” to do with Hayes’ Scientology beliefs, saying “he has no problem – and he’s cashed plenty of checks – with our show making fun of Christians”.
Tune in to the "Late Show with David Letterman" tomorrow night (Wednesday) and get the latest from scheduled guests, Stone and the show’s other creator, Trey Parker. That’s 10:30 CST on CBS.
Anyway, I’ve got to go. I have to make a quick run to Clearwater to host an auditing session for a Sea Organization member who’s making some serious progress on the Bridge to Total Freedom. I’ll keep you updated if Kirstie Alley turns up on the tube this week.
Aaron's Book Nook - by Aaron Moeller
Welcome to a new two-part Chris Moeller Archives feature in which I first share a review of a book I’ve recently read. Today’s review is sponsored by the Cedar Rapids Public Library, a hidden treasure and fountain of knowledge in the heart of downtown CR. I couldn’t find any signs confirming the fact, but they’ve slashed prices in a way that clearly suggests a going-out-of-business sale. So get there while there's still time....
Today’s book is from an author who lives just down the road from me in Iowa City. A McSweeney’s editor and Village Voice contributor, Paul Collins has written a fascinating new title called
The Trouble with Tom: The Strange Afterlife and Times of Thomas Paine. I expected it to be a new biography of a man considered perhaps America’s most infamous Founding Father, but it’s much more than that. In fact, the man’s death serves merely as the book’s jumping off point.
Paine, of course, was the author of
Common Sense, the massively popular pamphlet, published anonymously, that served as a call to action to pre-Revolution American colonists. As Collins points out, at that time, many of the country’s 2.5 million people couldn’t read, so readership of the pamphlet was practically universal among the literate. It is likely that only the Bible was more widely read in this hemisphere during that tumultuous time. "Without the pen of the author of
Common Sense," John Adams is quoted as saying, "the sword of Washington would have been raised in vain."
Another book written by Paine, however, would turn him into a notorious figure.
The Age of Reason scandalized the young nation with its dismissal of religion and established social mores. "Belief in a cruel god makes a cruel man," Paine wrote, who upon his death was considered treasonous and unpatriotic. Children burned him in effigy. Raised a Quaker but denied a Quaker burial, this is where Collins’ story takes off and leaves behind biographical convention. Ten years after Paine’s death, an admirer named Will Cobbett dug up the firebrand’s bones from their unmarked grave and hauled them to Europe where he planned to place them in a mausoleum, hoping to inspire other like-minded secularists and revolutionaries.
Here Collins begins to weave his story through the 19th century, tracking both Paine’s scattered remains and the diverging effects and influence of his ideas. Surely, no comprehensive history of grave robbing would be complete without including the strange, epic tale of Paine’s afterlife. The story picks up steam as other legendary figures (in addition to Paine’s more obvious fellow Founding Fathers) begin making appearances – John Stuart Mill, Margaret Fuller, Emerson, Thoreau, Darwin, even fiction writers like Poe and Melville. Most intriguing was a large chapter devoted to phrenology, a now largely forgotten science that was once wildly popular and almost universally accepted. Phrenology was the idea that intelligence and personality traits could be observed and predicted by studying the shape of someone’s skull. As archaic as this sounds today, most of the western world’s intelligentsia, including those listed above, were believers.
Most striking of all in Collins’ approach is the fact that he, too, is a character in the story. The narrative of the book follows Collins’ own travels to the former sites and locations inhabited by the book’s (mostly) long-dead characters. It’s an effective approach that brings the story (and Paine) into the present, not the least of which is the report of Paine’s remains turning up as recently as 1976, with the country in the throes of bicentennial fever. Collins does a masterful job delivering a brilliant, troubled, eccentric, dangerous man into a modern context. We should be so lucky there’s still a place for such a dynamic, free-thinking figure in today’s political and cultural landscape.
Also, I liked that this book was in hardcover. In the week that it rested at my bedside and atop my living room coffee table, it doubled as a coaster.
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For the second part of the feature, I’m going to post a review of a book that I have
not read. Today’s book is
Does She or Doesn’t She? by Alisa Kwitney.
Does She or Doesn’t She? is a book that asks a very mysterious question in its title, a question which almost (but not quite) makes me want to read it. It’s a book with an illustration of a woman on the cover who is wearing shoes that I suspect few women would call ‘sensible’. She’s literally kicking up her heels and has her purse thrown casually over her shoulder. I can deduce the following – she is a sassy, urban, sophisticated woman who is definitely going places! Also, the book cover is pink.
The first line of the book is "I’m going to take my hand off your mouth if you promise not to scream". This is not a bad first line. A real grabber, actually. But I didn’t get to read anymore of it than that. As I was looking at this book at the bookstore, I saw someone coming toward me and felt a strange need to put it down quickly and pretend I was looking at something else.
The rest of my review then is culled from the book’s entry at amazon.com. Apparently, it’s a pretty good book, even though PadreRat from San Diego doesn’t think it’s as "crafty" as Kwitney’s last book
The Dominant Blonde. PadreRat also thinks that, reading the book, you will be "thrown for a loop as well" and that "much of the story comes at you from behind a corner". Sounds like my kind of book!
An anonymous reader who’s too ashamed to even say where she’s from (so probably Houston) likes that the "daughter is a hoot, the plumber is yummy, and the husband, well, he has problems".
Bearette24 from New York thinks that even though Kwitney has "created a likable, smart and quirky protagonist", you might have to "keep your expectations low on the plausibility front". She didn’t like the ending either. Jeanette C. from Utah also thinks the ending was "silly". I think I have to agree more with them and give the book a thumbs-down. Though keep in mind, I’ve not read it.
So in conclusion, I probably won’t be reading this book. Even though it asks a question which nearly intrigues me, and there may possibly be some notoriety attached to being the first male to ever read it, I think I’m going to sit this one out.
Also, the book is in paperback. Even though it’s lightweight and easy to carry, it doesn’t seem to have any utilitarian purpose that I can see. Except for reading it, of course. Almost forgot about that one.
New Blood, Same DNA - by Aaron Moeller
First off, thank you, Chris, for handing me the reins for a week. I know how much your hectic work schedule has left you in need of a vacation. There are a few things I’ve wanted to get off my chest and I’m glad for the opportunity to hijack someone’s blog site and have a forum to do so. Allow me, Chris, to be the Tommy Newsom to your Doc Severinson. I plan to stay true to your vision of hosting an open forum for all things pertaining to Scientology, or more specifically, an open forum for whatever positive things any and everyone has to share about the subject. I trust that one week from now, Chris, after you’ve completed your "vacation", you’ll be back tan, refreshed and ready to tackle the next one of your 12 steps. The rest of us at "Gold Base" don’t approve of your recovery methods (your problems could be healed simply by taking a series of vitamins and supplements), but we wish you the best of luck.
Let me start by introducing myself - I'm Chris’ twin brother, Aaron. People frequently ask me if it’s true that one twin is often smarter than the other one. Answer: Yes. Let me tell you about myself.
My measurements: 6 feet, 155 lbs, 32-31-32
My turn-ons: Al & Irene's Bar-B-Q in Cedar Rapids, Diet Sunkist, Mexican beer, Philadelphia 76ers basketball, ‘50s jazz, Memphis soul, Kurt Vonnegut novels, feeling guilty for my sins, Pam Grier circa 1974 and Scarlett Johansson circa now.
My turn-offs: Under-qualified presidents, sportswriters, apathy, people who aren’t intellectually curious, and my obscene neighbor across the street that revs his motorcycle during normal afternoon sleeping hours.
I’m a big believer in the holy trinity of songwriters: The Father (Dylan), The Son (Springsteen), and the Holy Ghost (Tom Waits). I’ve also been recently revisiting and reaffirming my long held belief that Elvis Costello is criminally underrated.
My biggest pet peeve is people who have pet peeves. Look, folks, there really isn’t much to get all worked up about so long as we tend to our own gardens and stop looking over the fence to worry about what weed killer our neighbor is using. Like Chekhov said, the ordinary man looks for good and evil in external things...but a thinking man looks for it within himself. (An exception to this rule, of course, is asshole neighbors with motorcycles.)
Like Chris, I’m very excited about the spring return of baseball and the Sopranos. I also have a wide array of other interests and hobbies that include rebuilding outboard motors, arguing with my friends about which outboard motors are the best, and also, writing letters and critiques to the New England Journal of Health and Science and Outboard Motors. This, Dad, is what my degree is good for.
Above all, I plan to spend the week making a case and defending my strategy for "A Long War" in Iraq. I believe this will be to the long-term benefit of the people of Iraq, the people of America, and more importantly, my money. Also, this week, now that I've brought in my own people, I hope to begin salvaging my good name in the blogosphere. When I was last left in charge of a blog, I was forced to defend myself and unduly accused of "crony-ism", so it’s important to me that I let you know, Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job.
Hopefully, I can do you proud in your absence, Chris. I’ve brought in some good people to keep the ship running smoothly. What? He’s gone? OK. Bar the door, Jimmy. There’s gonna be some changes 'round here...
I read your columns, you magnificent bastards!
I spent the afternoon flipping through old St. Louis Cardinals newspaper clippings. Obsessive compulsions I suffered in my youth led me to clip nearly every article I came across related to the team during the ages of 13 to 29. When Iowa newspapers no longer provided enough copy to feed my insatiable habit, I began a subscription to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, and it wasn't long before I had filled a three-foot-tall file cabinet. The conclusion of the Cardinals' participation in the 2004 World Series seemed like a good stopping point, and perhaps not coincidentally, this blog began just a month later.
Anywho... I have damn near every home run account recorded from Mark McGwire's historic 1998 season in St. Louis, as well as articles culled from Sports Illustrated, Baseball Weekly, and various other sources reprinted in the Post. I had forgotten some of the bits and pieces that made the season so indelible in the immediate aftermath-- McGwire's ejection from a nationally-televised game in August, Sammy Sosa's two short-lived leads in the home run race, homer #65 1/2-- stolen by umpire Bob Davidson in Milwaukee, McGwire's slightly-overweight pre-teen son serving as batboy, the $3 million Mac pledged to fight child abuse-- a lofty sum rarely matched in gift-giving history by a sports celebrity, and the unprincipled media attacks leveled at Sosa after Jose Lima supposedly "grooved" pitches to his fellow countryman. I even found a blurb I missed the first time through-- an admission by former big-league pitcher Milt Pappas that
he did groove pitches to Roger Maris, when he allowed #59 to the Yankees' slugger in 1961.
I had forgotten the true level of the national hysteria in '98. ABC news anchor Charlie Gibson broadcast an hour-long prime-time TV special the night before Mac hit the record-tying #61 (with me and three friends headed to the game,) McGwire filmed a scene in bed with Helen Hunt following the season for an episode of "Mad About You," and not only did the slugger appear as a guest on David Letterman, but so did the kid who caught the record-breaking home run ball.
Imagine my fascination re-reading these ancient tributes to Big Mac, living as we do now in the age of revisionist home run history and performance-enhancement McCarthyism. I was particularly interested in tracing the articles related to the discovery of the then-legal dietary supplement androstenedione in McGwire's locker August 22, after an AP reporter snooped through the clubhouse following a game. Surely, sports reporters, knowing full well as they did at the time that Major League Baseball had no steroid or drug testing program of any kind in place, and no written guidelines whatsoever as to what players could or could not consume in pursuit of their professional excellence, and knowing full well also that the NFL and the International Olympic Committee had already banned that particular substance--
surely, our
poets of the press box expressed serious doubts, or at least, tempered enthusiasm for McGwire's exploits, and wondered aloud then whether the sport of baseball was doing enough to protect its integrity against such sinister foreign substances...
You be the judge...
Dan Shaughnessy, Boston Globe:
No wonder ballplayers loathe the media. Mark McGwire is stalking one of baseball's most cherished records... and suddenly he's engaged in a tabloid-driven controversy that's painting him as a cheater and a bad role model. It's unfair... McGwire's been a good citizen, never one to disgrace the uniform. Most recently he's dedicated his charity efforts to awareness and funding for abused children. And now he's got to read that he's a bad example to young athletes? Please.Bill Thompson, Fort Worth Star-Telegram: A reporter decided to invent a scandal by revealing that the once injury-prone McGwire uses a dietary supplement to bolster his strength and durability. There was no reason in the world to report the information except to create controversy.
Steve Bisheff, Orange County Register: Roger Maris' home run record, should McGwire break it, will not be tainted. McGwire is doing nothing wrong. He isn't breaking any rules. He isn't even stretching them.
Murray Chass, New York Times (whose commentary, to his credit, has avoided hypocrisy in the subsequent years): If they are going to question the home run record because of the pills, they better go back and investigate some of baseball's records that were produced with the aid of amphetamines. In past years, some of the game's best players were said to have played their careers on amphetamines. So no bluenose asterisk, please, for a McGwire home run record.
Bernie Miklasz, St. Louis Post-Dispatch: Why can't everyone enjoy Sosa and McGwire and this experience? There's the International Olympic Committee, which revived its attack on McGwire for his use of a legal supplement, androstenedione. Memo to the hypocrites at the IOC: Clean up your mess before you start to preach about other sports, OK?
St. Louis Post-Dispatch:
Yes, the IOC has banned androstenedione. It also has banned Flintstones chewables, Visine, Luden's Smith Bros. cough drops and some flavors of saltwater taffy. True, the NFL also has banned andro, but it does allow two-a-day workouts in 98-degree temperatures in mid-August.Jack McCallum, Sports Illustrated:
Get this straight: McGwire's use of androstenedione, which he may not have advertised but didn't try to hide, should not taint his achievement if he breaks the Roger Maris record... if baseball were to ban andro, then he could be faulted if he kept on using it. To hold McGwire to a higher standard than his sport does is unfair.Everyone was complicit-- from the league, to the media, to the fans, to our elected representatives who made not a peep at the time, focused as they were on the president's underpants. We soaked the story for all it was worth. The league cashed its checks. The media outlets cashed theirs. Congress cozied up to a feel-good story, as it always does, and the fans embraced a hero, asking only that he give his all within the bounds of the rulebook. He obliged. End of story.
Good Friday
Only two days remain until the resurrection of "The Sopranos" on HBO. I've taken the liberty of linking various reviews of the season's first episode, but be forewarned that critics at large newspapers have now seen the first four airings of 2006, and are revealing key plot information. If you want to go in cold Sunday night, avoid today's
Los Angeles Times,
Chicago Tribune,
New York Times,
Hollywood Reporter,
USA Today, and this week's
Entertainment Weekly. It's probably safe to take the Newark Star-Ledger's
Ultimate Sopranos Quiz, though, and examine
PinnacleSports.com's posted odds on which characters will get
whacked this season.
Thank you, Freedom of Information Act
My bro forwarded me this
interesting list, the compilation of all political contributions by notable sports figures since 1978. There are some obvious trends beyond the basic "white guys are Republicans, black guys, Democrats," although I did detect a positive correlationship between race and party affiliation.
A number of items caused me to speculate-- first of all, I think it's safe to assume that many basketball players whose total contributions round off to one or two thousand dollars were contributing to the Bill Bradley presidential campaign in 2000. Two, HBO sports commentators, not surprising to any of us that subscribe to their work, are more liberal than the average sports fan. Their entire boxing team-- Jim Lampley, Larry Merchant, and George Foreman contributed to Democrats, and let's throw in Oscar de la Hoya while we're at it. Third, I suspect you can throw out many of the team ownership contributions. Those are payoffs to local politicians rather than philosophical rewards. (George Steinbrenner's contributions to Nixon sent him to prison, there's no way he's a Democrat.) Fourth, it seems that, nationally, football coaches are a good electoral balance to basketball coaches, and that quarterbacks are canceling out the lesbian tennis players. (Click on the individual names on the link for specific contribution information.)
The following Republican contributors surprised me-- Muhammad Ali, the Buss basketball family, Donald Fehr (shame on you, Fehr!) former Iowa Hawkeye basketball coach Lute Olson (a staggering sum,) and Vin Scully, a poetic, elderly gentleman often seen wearing an ascot.
The number of sports team owners that contributed to Democrats was surprising (Jerry Jones?), along with the left-affirming gifts of broadcasters Lee Corso and Jon Miller, Alex Karras, and Joe Theismann. I'd like to send a particular on-line thank you, on behalf of liberal sports fans everywhere, to Andre Agassi, Dean Smith, David Stern, Bud Selig(?!), the Rooneys in Pittsburgh, and my main man in the Nader coalition, John McEnroe.
Check out the other tabs on the link to see additional celebrity contributions. I found myself particularly intrigued by how many media personalities shy away from the public appearance of partiality, while their bosses drop Benjamins like the Treasury is located in their basement. My favorite line belongs to magazine publisher Steve Forbes, who dropped about $7 mil on his own futile presidential bids. I'm not sure what he ever got for his money, other than a chance to host Saturday Night Live.
Attention, Simpsons fans
If you're a fan of "The Simpsons," you'll get a big kick out of
this. Choose one of the Windows Media Player links, and enjoy.
Oscar voters "Pick Flick," then "Crash" and burn
Here are my notes from last night's broadcast of the 78th annual Academy Awards, or as Jimmy Kimmel called them later in the evening-- The Source Awards for white people:
7:00ish pm cst- Host Jon Stewart welcomes the world to the telecast. Throughout the evening, Stewart is amiable, polished, and funny. He'll be uniformly praised as a worthy successor to laid-back hosts Johnny Carson, Billy Crystal, and Steve Martin, but I missed Chris Rock's edge and explosiveness.
7:21- George Clooney wins Best Supporting Actor for "Syriana," but laments on-stage that the honor bestowed upon him comes with the added implication that he won't be winning later for Best Director. Too true. Why is the orchestra playing underneath his acceptance speech? That's symbolic of Hollywood at its very worst. The lords of the industry can't trust the moment to real emotion. They're always telling us what to feel.
7:36- If Dolly Parton doesn't make you smile, it's time to check the charge on your robot battery pack. She performs "Travelin' Thru," the nominated original song from the film "Transamerica." I read somewhere that she contributed to the movie about a pre-op transexual in honor of all the trannies who have performed as her on stage.
7:43- The funniest moment of the night: Returning from commercial break, Stewart pretends he's been using the time to lecture the audience, "...and that's why I think Scientology is the best thing, not only for Hollywood, but for the whole country." I don't know why I find that so funny.
7:50- Jennifer Aniston presents the Best Costume award in a simple, but stunning black gown. I
knew we hadn't heard the last from her. Take that,
Brangelina!8:10- Lauren Bacall introduces a visual tribute to my favorite historical genre- film noir. The montage is rich and thorough, but Bacall stumbles badly over her introduction. It's easy to blame alternately the operator of the teleprompter or the actress' advancing years, but my suspicion is that Bacall simply made the mistake of thinking she could get through the reading without wearing her glasses. All is vanity. Take it from your pal, Clark Kent.
8:22- The award for Documentary Short Subject goes to a film about a 1940s radio broadcaster entitled "A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin." This was a meaningless development for most, but I got a chance to see each of the four nominated shorts in Cedar Rapids, IA on Saturday night. My vote for "The Mushroom Club," a piece about the survivors of Hiroshima, was unofficial, but did cost me a chance at a free weekend at C.R.'s Crowne Plaza Hotel.
9:14- Robert Altman, a notorious Hollywood outsider and director of such films as "M*A*S*H," "The Long Goodbye," and "McCabe and Mrs. Miller," delivers a terrific speech in acceptance of his lifetime achievement award. He doesn't trash the industry for 60 seconds, like Roger Ebert hoped he would do, but modestly proclaims that "No filmmaker ever got a better shake than I did." His indictment of Tinseltown was 1992's "The Player."
9:22- A rap group called Three 6 Mafia takes Dolly Parton's Oscar for a song called "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp." The song is really garbage, and begs the question, how much harder is it then out there for a ho?
9:32- My favorite moment each year: the dead actor montage. It's a pretty sparse year for big names-- Shelly Winters, Anne Bancroft, Eddie Albert, and Richard Pryor comprise the big finale. Where's the Incredible Mr. Limpet-- Don Knotts? Maybe he died too late to make the cut. But they better not be overlooking him because he was a bigger star on television.
9:41- Jon Stewart provides the scoring update: Martin Scorsese- zero Oscars, Three 6 Mafia- one Oscar.
9:47- Philip Seymour Hoffman thanks his Mom after securing the Best Actor award. "If you see her here tonight, congratulate her. She raised four kids all by herself."
9:59- The cinematographer of "Memoirs of a Geisha" thanks his studio for having the courage to make the film. Hmmm, I guess I would need more of an explanation as to why the green-lighting of this particular production required such strength of character. It was, after all, a very popular book.
10:00- Jamie Foxx refers to Charlize Theron as "South African-American." I never thought about that before, but I guess she is African-American. Then little
Tracy Flick, Reese Witherspoon, takes Best Actress, six years after earning her first Chris Moeller Film Award. For just a moment, I held a flickering image in my mind of how Tracy would react if she won an Oscar. I shuddered.
10:12- "Brokeback Mountain" screenwriter Larry McMurtry, wearing blue jeans with a tuxedo top, makes one of those great Oscar speeches. A great Oscar speech thanks only two people, and says something else that's actually interesting. The author of "Lonesome Dove" and "The Last Picture Show" thanked the booksellers around the world who keep alive "the culture of the book." Odd expression, but it worked for me.
10:24- Jack Nicholson does his finest Jack Nicholson impression, introducing the Best Picture nominees. King Jack's performance is the tops of the evening-- he fakes a walk-off after the phrase "Good Night, and Good Luck," and conveys just the proper amount of surprise in his face and voice when he announces "Crash" as the mild upset winner. (Best. Eyebrows. Ever.)
For the second consecutive year, the Academy selects as its top feature a cliche-riddled piece of manipulative tripe, coincidentally penned by the same man as last year-- Paul Haggis. (Even its title
has been used before.) The one thing refreshing about the choice is the appearance of an actual attention span by voters, given that the film was released in theaters all the way back in May. That it has been out on video and DVD for months creates a happy scenario for the financially-strapped Blockbuster video chain, which currently stocks multiple copies of the film at each of their store locations. Try renting it tonight. Good luck, and good night.
CBS v. Howard Stern
Here's how media blogger Jeff Jarvis views CBS's $500 million lawsuit against Howard Stern. The suit alleges, in part, that the broadcaster misused airtime on the network promoting his new satellite radio venture...
What a crock, what a childish humiliation for CBS and Leslie Moonves. Stern could not have been more open and the network could have stopped him anytime. Throughout that year, many in the industry wondered why they didn't. But they didn't. And the reason for that is apparent: They wanted to eke every last rating point out of Stern because they knew that once he left, they'd be screwed.And screwed, they are. These idiots without ears put David Lee Roth on the air. He is an utter disaster, utterly unlistenable, and the ratings prove that. Roth has lost three-quarters of Stern's audience and the ratings are in justifiable freefall. The picture in the precious 18-to-34 demographic -- the audience that CBS built the so-called Free FM to retain -- is downright devastating: Arbitrend ratings released yesterday show that in January, Roth's first month, WFNY's morning share among its target audience of 18-to-34-year-olds fell from 13.8% to 1.3%. ...Stern replacements in Chicago and Los Angeles, Rover and Adam Carolla, also fell sharply.
These bozos couldn't make a podcast.
As Stern points out, he couldn't have been hurting CBS that badly if they kept him on the air for a year, and booked him on Letterman and "60 Minutes."
