The Chris Moeller Archives

New Blood, Same DNA - by Aaron Moeller

First off, thank you, Chris, for handing me the reins for a week. I know how much your hectic work schedule has left you in need of a vacation. There are a few things I’ve wanted to get off my chest and I’m glad for the opportunity to hijack someone’s blog site and have a forum to do so. Allow me, Chris, to be the Tommy Newsom to your Doc Severinson. I plan to stay true to your vision of hosting an open forum for all things pertaining to Scientology, or more specifically, an open forum for whatever positive things any and everyone has to share about the subject. I trust that one week from now, Chris, after you’ve completed your "vacation", you’ll be back tan, refreshed and ready to tackle the next one of your 12 steps. The rest of us at "Gold Base" don’t approve of your recovery methods (your problems could be healed simply by taking a series of vitamins and supplements), but we wish you the best of luck.

Let me start by introducing myself - I'm Chris’ twin brother, Aaron. People frequently ask me if it’s true that one twin is often smarter than the other one. Answer: Yes. Let me tell you about myself.

My measurements: 6 feet, 155 lbs, 32-31-32

My turn-ons: Al & Irene's Bar-B-Q in Cedar Rapids, Diet Sunkist, Mexican beer, Philadelphia 76ers basketball, ‘50s jazz, Memphis soul, Kurt Vonnegut novels, feeling guilty for my sins, Pam Grier circa 1974 and Scarlett Johansson circa now.

My turn-offs: Under-qualified presidents, sportswriters, apathy, people who aren’t intellectually curious, and my obscene neighbor across the street that revs his motorcycle during normal afternoon sleeping hours.

I’m a big believer in the holy trinity of songwriters: The Father (Dylan), The Son (Springsteen), and the Holy Ghost (Tom Waits). I’ve also been recently revisiting and reaffirming my long held belief that Elvis Costello is criminally underrated.

My biggest pet peeve is people who have pet peeves. Look, folks, there really isn’t much to get all worked up about so long as we tend to our own gardens and stop looking over the fence to worry about what weed killer our neighbor is using. Like Chekhov said, the ordinary man looks for good and evil in external things...but a thinking man looks for it within himself. (An exception to this rule, of course, is asshole neighbors with motorcycles.)

Like Chris, I’m very excited about the spring return of baseball and the Sopranos. I also have a wide array of other interests and hobbies that include rebuilding outboard motors, arguing with my friends about which outboard motors are the best, and also, writing letters and critiques to the New England Journal of Health and Science and Outboard Motors. This, Dad, is what my degree is good for.

Above all, I plan to spend the week making a case and defending my strategy for "A Long War" in Iraq. I believe this will be to the long-term benefit of the people of Iraq, the people of America, and more importantly, my money. Also, this week, now that I've brought in my own people, I hope to begin salvaging my good name in the blogosphere. When I was last left in charge of a blog, I was forced to defend myself and unduly accused of "crony-ism", so it’s important to me that I let you know, Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job.

Hopefully, I can do you proud in your absence, Chris. I’ve brought in some good people to keep the ship running smoothly. What? He’s gone? OK. Bar the door, Jimmy. There’s gonna be some changes 'round here...

posted by Anonymous @ 12:26 AM