The Chris Moeller Archives

Oscar voters "Pick Flick," then "Crash" and burn

Here are my notes from last night's broadcast of the 78th annual Academy Awards, or as Jimmy Kimmel called them later in the evening-- The Source Awards for white people:

7:00ish pm cst- Host Jon Stewart welcomes the world to the telecast. Throughout the evening, Stewart is amiable, polished, and funny. He'll be uniformly praised as a worthy successor to laid-back hosts Johnny Carson, Billy Crystal, and Steve Martin, but I missed Chris Rock's edge and explosiveness.

7:21- George Clooney wins Best Supporting Actor for "Syriana," but laments on-stage that the honor bestowed upon him comes with the added implication that he won't be winning later for Best Director. Too true. Why is the orchestra playing underneath his acceptance speech? That's symbolic of Hollywood at its very worst. The lords of the industry can't trust the moment to real emotion. They're always telling us what to feel.

7:36- If Dolly Parton doesn't make you smile, it's time to check the charge on your robot battery pack. She performs "Travelin' Thru," the nominated original song from the film "Transamerica." I read somewhere that she contributed to the movie about a pre-op transexual in honor of all the trannies who have performed as her on stage.

7:43- The funniest moment of the night: Returning from commercial break, Stewart pretends he's been using the time to lecture the audience, "...and that's why I think Scientology is the best thing, not only for Hollywood, but for the whole country." I don't know why I find that so funny.

7:50- Jennifer Aniston presents the Best Costume award in a simple, but stunning black gown. I knew we hadn't heard the last from her. Take that, Brangelina!

8:10- Lauren Bacall introduces a visual tribute to my favorite historical genre- film noir. The montage is rich and thorough, but Bacall stumbles badly over her introduction. It's easy to blame alternately the operator of the teleprompter or the actress' advancing years, but my suspicion is that Bacall simply made the mistake of thinking she could get through the reading without wearing her glasses. All is vanity. Take it from your pal, Clark Kent.

8:22- The award for Documentary Short Subject goes to a film about a 1940s radio broadcaster entitled "A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin." This was a meaningless development for most, but I got a chance to see each of the four nominated shorts in Cedar Rapids, IA on Saturday night. My vote for "The Mushroom Club," a piece about the survivors of Hiroshima, was unofficial, but did cost me a chance at a free weekend at C.R.'s Crowne Plaza Hotel.

9:14- Robert Altman, a notorious Hollywood outsider and director of such films as "M*A*S*H," "The Long Goodbye," and "McCabe and Mrs. Miller," delivers a terrific speech in acceptance of his lifetime achievement award. He doesn't trash the industry for 60 seconds, like Roger Ebert hoped he would do, but modestly proclaims that "No filmmaker ever got a better shake than I did." His indictment of Tinseltown was 1992's "The Player."

9:22- A rap group called Three 6 Mafia takes Dolly Parton's Oscar for a song called "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp." The song is really garbage, and begs the question, how much harder is it then out there for a ho?

9:32- My favorite moment each year: the dead actor montage. It's a pretty sparse year for big names-- Shelly Winters, Anne Bancroft, Eddie Albert, and Richard Pryor comprise the big finale. Where's the Incredible Mr. Limpet-- Don Knotts? Maybe he died too late to make the cut. But they better not be overlooking him because he was a bigger star on television.

9:41- Jon Stewart provides the scoring update: Martin Scorsese- zero Oscars, Three 6 Mafia- one Oscar.

9:47- Philip Seymour Hoffman thanks his Mom after securing the Best Actor award. "If you see her here tonight, congratulate her. She raised four kids all by herself."

9:59- The cinematographer of "Memoirs of a Geisha" thanks his studio for having the courage to make the film. Hmmm, I guess I would need more of an explanation as to why the green-lighting of this particular production required such strength of character. It was, after all, a very popular book.

10:00- Jamie Foxx refers to Charlize Theron as "South African-American." I never thought about that before, but I guess she is African-American. Then little Tracy Flick, Reese Witherspoon, takes Best Actress, six years after earning her first Chris Moeller Film Award. For just a moment, I held a flickering image in my mind of how Tracy would react if she won an Oscar. I shuddered.

10:12- "Brokeback Mountain" screenwriter Larry McMurtry, wearing blue jeans with a tuxedo top, makes one of those great Oscar speeches. A great Oscar speech thanks only two people, and says something else that's actually interesting. The author of "Lonesome Dove" and "The Last Picture Show" thanked the booksellers around the world who keep alive "the culture of the book." Odd expression, but it worked for me.

10:24- Jack Nicholson does his finest Jack Nicholson impression, introducing the Best Picture nominees. King Jack's performance is the tops of the evening-- he fakes a walk-off after the phrase "Good Night, and Good Luck," and conveys just the proper amount of surprise in his face and voice when he announces "Crash" as the mild upset winner. (Best. Eyebrows. Ever.)
For the second consecutive year, the Academy selects as its top feature a cliche-riddled piece of manipulative tripe, coincidentally penned by the same man as last year-- Paul Haggis. (Even its title has been used before.) The one thing refreshing about the choice is the appearance of an actual attention span by voters, given that the film was released in theaters all the way back in May. That it has been out on video and DVD for months creates a happy scenario for the financially-strapped Blockbuster video chain, which currently stocks multiple copies of the film at each of their store locations. Try renting it tonight. Good luck, and good night.

posted by CM @ 1:22 PM