Thursday, December 29, 2011

Socialism as the future of America

Eugene Debs, I wish you were alive to see this: the Pew Research Center tells us that socialism is now more popular than capitalism in the United States in the measured age group of citizens under 30 (18-29).

Socialism-- Positive 49%, Negative 43%
Capitalism-- Positive 46%, Negative 47%

These numbers, side-by-side, are quite close, and "18 to 29" was the only surveyed age group in which socialism was more popular, but this is a remarkable achievement when you consider that the corporate news media typically equates socialism with Josef Stalin, and politicians in the United States (other than Bernie Sanders) run away from the "socialist" label faster than they do a televised debate involving a third-party candidate.

What does this poll tell us? It tells me that the crony capitalism and corruption center of the United States can't hold out for much longer when there's a generation of Americans that has only experienced a Wall Street-owned government. Smears that involve labeling someone a "socialist" don't work on young people raised in a world destroyed by capitalism, and that are media-savvy enough to recognize the smear-ers as windy, hateful gasbags.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Disenfranchising the uncommitted

One of the big lies politicians tell is that the caucus process represents grassroots democracy at its best. But our precinct caucuses in Iowa are neither grassroots, democractic, nor the best option we have.

So, you ask, what could be so undemocratic about “neighbors” getting together, discussing politics, and selecting candidates at a very local level? Let’s start with the fact that Iowa "neighbors" don’t get to select the candidates they'll get to choose from. The candidates are thrust upon them, and these candidates are, by and large-- and increasingly-- corporate-backed candidates deemed "electable" and vetted by the establishment class. Party leaders run the event. National party officials instruct the state officials who instruct the county officials on how the meetings are to be conducted. The caucuses-- and primaries also, for that matter-- are operated by the parties themselves so there is little incentive to appeal to and lure independents.

The argument that Iowa Caucus-goers are more educated than the average American voter because they have more face-time with the candidates doesn’t wash either. This argument requires one to believe that a candidates’ rhetoric, heard in small groups face-to-face, and in Iowans' "front parlors," is more than just rhetoric. Physical proximity to a lie or to political spin doesn’t make that statement more true, and in fact, could likely make one more susceptible to personal judgments and prejudices that disguise actual truth.

Votes at a caucus (for the Democrats at least) are cast in the open, which sounds like a good idea in principle, but the lack of a secret ballot means that voters are subject to pressure from peers, party leaders, perhaps union officials or influential business and religious leaders in their community. (Imagine the shame of a Republican casting a vote for a pro-choice candidate in the presence of his or her church minister.) And at a precinct caucus, you can’t stop by and cast your vote in a period of just a few minutes. The event requires an entire evening’s commitment. Incidentally or not, this requirement helps to suppress voter turnout. Additionally in Iowa, because the caucus is conducted during the month of January, the chance of weather interference is also high.

But voter suppression is exactly what our two oligarchic political parties are striving for. The fewer participants in the process, the better that outcomes can be controlled by the party machine. We saw this in Iowa in 2003/2004 with the orchestrated demolition of Howard Dean’s campaign in favor of that of John Kerry, a long-time Washington insider.

Are there doubters among you of my general thesis? Then I present to you a smoking gun as evidence. KCRG-Television in Cedar Rapids reports today that “uncommitted” and “no preference” votes will NOT be counted by the Iowa Republican Party this year, breaking with a long-standing tradition. The station reports a party official as saying, “Because it is a Republican caucus, only votes for a Republican candidate will be counted. Write-in votes for undecided or uncommitted are counted and sent to Des Moines, but the GOP does not send uncommitted delegates to the nominating convention.” Guess which of the two sets of numbers will be reported to the media.

Take that, 99%! “Uncommitted” or “no preference” slates in the GOP beat Alexander Haig in 1988 and Bob Dole in 1980. On the Democratic Party side, “uncommitted” slates actually won the caucus in 1972 and 1976, and finished second (with 12% of the vote) to Iowa candidate Tom Harkin in 1988. But in this new political climate becoming dominated by the Occupy Wall Street anti-oligarchy movement, the Iowa Republican Party certainly recognizes the threat that a large—- and potentially VERY large-— “uncommitted” block poses to their public claims that the caucus results represent the will of the people. That’s why they’re taking this preventative action. On caucus night, the national media will travel to Iowa and report the percentage results for each of the GOP candidates, but we won’t be told how many Republicans elected to express their dissatisfaction with the entire slate of candidates.

The Iowa Republican caucuses, despite the extraordinary time and energy commitment from the media, represent a miniscule percentage of Americans. First, consider that only 55 million of 313 million Americans are Republicans (about 1 in 6). Of those 55 million, only 608,000 live in Iowa (that's approximate 1 in 90 Republicans). And on Caucus Night 2008, despite a wide open field with no GOP incumbent on the ballot, only 120,000 of even those 608,000 registered Iowa Republicans bothered to participate (1 out of 5). Hear ye, hear ye, 0.00038% of the American people have spoken! And now, this cycle, Iowa Republicans have vowed to disenfranchise even a few of the 0.00038% by discounting their votes.

Meanwhile, the Iowa GOP, as well as the national and local media, have been issuing warnings about Occupy Iowa disrupting the “democratic process.” That's really rich.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

"Right here where we live, right here in St. Louis!"

Allow me to be the first to wish you and yours a very merry Christmas. I'm a big fan of this holiday. In Spanish, you might know, "Christmas" means "more Chris." Anyway, the warmth of the season got me to thinking about my favorite holiday picture-- the 1944 MGM classic "Meet Me in St. Louis," starring Judy Garland.

Released during that magical year of the all-St. Louis "Streetcar" World Series between the National League Cardinals and the American League Browns, the film also arrived in theaters in time for the 40th anniversary of the 1904 World's Fair, which had been held at St. Louis' Forest Park. Set just before that real historic spectacle in late 1903, the film depicts the Smith family-- mom, dad, four daughters, son, grandpa, and a maid-- that live in one of those over-sized, beautiful Victorian homes that still stand in St. Louis' Central West End. The fetching Garland is at her ripest as the second-oldest daughter, Esther (the Denise Huxtable), of the Smith clan. On the set, the actress would fall in love with, and later marry, the film's director, Vincente Minnelli, and their daughter Liza would forever call this her favorite film of either of her parents. The youngest Smith sister is played by Margaret O'Brien, who would win an Oscar for this performance at the age of seven. During the film, the juvenile character announces herself memorably as "lucky enough to be born in her favorite city."

The dramatic arc of "Meet Me in St. Louis" involves the patriarch Alonzo Smith (yes, he's Lon, or Lonnie Smith, if you please) accepting a job in New York City that will force him to uproot the entire family. The children are devastated at the news. They will have to leave their friends, a pair of budding romances for the older girls, and St. Louis itself-- and just before the arrival of the World's Fair-- that is, the 1904 Louisiana Purchase Exposition. The movie re-introduced the title song (still popular with Busch Stadium organists), and introduced several memorable new songs-- "The Boy Next Door," (or "The Girl Next Door," if you're a heterosexual male with a rich baritone like Crosby, Sinatra or Moeller), "The Trolley Song" (re-popularized later by the Sweeney Sisters on "Saturday Night Live"), and at the very end of the film, the true holiday evergreen "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," which is sung mournfully by Garland to a weeping, already homesick O'Brien on Christmas Eve.

It's impossible to see that pained face of O'Brien-- as little Tootie Smith-- without lamenting the real-life fates of the children of Albert Pujols. Their famous first baseman father, like Alonzo Smith, is forcing his family to leave St. Louis for what he defines as a "better" job because it pays him more money, promising the little ones in effect that "next year all (their) troubles will be miles away." Yet as Tootie proclaims, "you can't do anything (there) like you do in St. Louis." How indeed will Santa Claus know how to find them? And heaven have pity on the snowman you try to build in Anaheim, California.

Unlike "Meet Me in St. Louis," there will not be a happy ending to our modern story. A long-term contract has been signed. The Pujols' father, unlike Alonzo Smith, won't come to recognize that "St. Louis is headed for a boom that will make your head spin" until it's much, much too late. It's a Christmas story that's not uplifting at all. It's worthy of neither the enchanting Judy Garland nor MGM's glorious Technicolor. No, it's more like a classic Warner Brothers picture about a tragic fall from grace. The four Pujols children will now just have to muddle through somehow.

To all a good night.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Holiday comedy

No, it's not holiday-themed. This is just a funny clip to make your day merry and bright. It's from Ricky Gervais' series "Life is Short," coming to HBO in 2012.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Wizard of Oz and "the book of the year"

Chad Harbach's "The Art of Fielding" has been named the Book of the Year by Amazon.com. The baseball-centered novel also made the New York Times' ten-best list. One of the key characters in the book is a thinly-veiled version of Cardinals great Ozzie Smith. Says the St. Louis Post-Dispatch...

Henry's fondness for his glove "Zero" and his worn Cardinals hat are mentioned throughout the book. The reason he became a Cardinal fan is the same reason he became a shortstop. It's because of the aforementioned Aparicio - the Cardinals sublime shortstop, Aparicio Rodriguez. Harbach's Rodriguez played 18 years for the Cardinals. He set a college record for consecutive games without an error, a record that Skrimshander is poised to break. Rodriguez's No. 3 is retired by the Cardinals. His first name is all the introduction he needs. Does all of this sound familiar? A Cardinals shortstop who becomes a Hall of Famer, goes mostly by his first name, and has his number retired because of his nimble play in the field...

What a perfect holiday gift this book would be for your friend or family member Chris. But coordinate, people. I don't need 10 copies.

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This is the most thought-provoking piece on Kim Jong Il and North Korea that I've read this week, authored by a former missionary to the Korean peninsula...

The division of Korea was not the fault of the Korean people. Their country was divided by the U.S. and the Soviet Union at the end of WWII. The suffering of the Korean people has continued for 66 years. Ten million family members were permanently separated; people in the north and south live in fear of war; the resources of their country are used for military buildup. On both sides of the division, repression has been used in the name of national security. Only in 1987 was there a revolution that replaced South Korea’s military dictatorship with a democratic government. The same people who worked so hard for democracy and human rights in South Korea are the ones who are the voices for peace in Korea.

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More on why the Republican establishment is attempting to railroad Candidate Paul. It seems that even Rick Santorum has now been deemed worthy of the "serious candidate" treatment if it can help keep the nomination away from Paul..

Paul is running ads that propose to “drain the swamp,” a reference to the insider-driven politics of a Washington where Republicans such as Gingrich maintain the sort of pay-to-play politics that empties the federal treasury into the accounts of campaign donors and sleazy government contractors.

Paul’s ideological clarity scares the wits out of the Republican mandarins who peddle the fantasy that the interventionism, the assaults on civil liberties and the partnerships that they have forged with multinational corporations and foreign dictators represent anything akin to true conservatism.

The problem that Limbaugh, Hannity and other GOP establishment types have with Paul is that the Texan really is a conservative, rather than a neoconservative or a crony capitalist who would use the state to maintain monopolies at home and via corrupt international trade deals.


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Are you guys aware that the football team at Iowa State, my alma mater, is playing in a Bowl Game next week called the Pinstripe Bowl at Yankee Stadium in New York? The annual game was christened a year ago by Yankees owner Hank Steinbrenner to honor his dad, George, because the old man was evidently quite the college football fan. The game is so closely associated with George Steinbrenner that a number of New York City sportswriters apparently refer to the game informally as "the Boss Bowl." Jesus, what an embarrassment for Iowa State. Wasn't there a bowl game in Detroit willing to take the Cyclones? Or maybe in Myanmar? Of course, the new Yankee Stadium was so heavily-subsidized, they should really call it the Taxpayer Bowl.

Monday, December 19, 2011

The great debates

Where do you stand on the important issues of the day? Take blogger Ken Levine's "Pepsi Challenge". I did. (And try not to be swayed by my answers, which appear after each question.)

Pepsi or Coke? Coke

Diane Chambers or Rebecca Howe? Diane Chambers

Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers? Aaron Rodgers

Advil or Aleve? Advil

Magic or Bird? Bird's game was more fun to watch.

Batman or Superman? Definitely Superman, not as brooding

The View or The Talk? The Talk, no Barbara Walters

Eva Longoria or Evan Longoria? Eva is prettier.

Kimmel or Ferguson? Kimmel, but only by a hair

Adele or Barbra? Who's Barbra?

James Dean or Heath Ledger? Ledger, Dean's style doesn't age well.

Reese Witherspoon or Reese’s Pieces? Witherspoon is tastier.

The old HAWAII FIVE-0 or the new HAWAII FIVE-0? The old, of course

Facebook or Twitter? I don't understand this question.

Ben Affleck or Aflac Insurance? Affleck's alright.

Bill Maher or Keith Olbermann? Maher, but both are cool.

Suri Cruise or Siri iPhone? Leave the little girl alone.

Angelina or Brad? Angelina, but Brad is prettier.

George Clooney or Rosemary Clooney? George, but it's only generational.

Mitch or Cam? Cam

Claire or Gloria? Gloria, but this is a tough one.

Texts or IM’s? Texts

Iron Man or Iron Chef? I'll catch up on both of these when they're on DVD.

Charlie Sheen or Ashton Kutcher? Sheen misbehaves more interestingly.

Sirius/XM or Pandora? Sirius has Howard 101

Flintstones or Jetsons? Flintstones is more Honeymooners-like.

Betty or Wilma? Betty. No, Wilma.

FRASIER or CHEERS? CHEERS

George Reeves or Christopher Reeve? Christopher Reeve

Egg McMuffin or Breakfast Jack? Iowa doesn't have Jack in the Box

Kate Olsen or Ashley Olsen? This question offends me as a twin.

Jake Gyllenhaal or Maggie Gyllenhaal? Maggie.

Great taste or less filling? Here Comes the King

Cher or Tallulah Morehead? Cher

Kindle or Nook? I'll tell you in five years.

Rocky or Bullwinkle? What is one without the other?

AMERICAN IDOL or THE X-FACTOR? This question is a thinly-veiled survey on the appeal of Randy Jackson.

Disneyland or Disneyworld? Disneyland

Elvis Costello or Lou Costello? I've seen the Lou Costello statue in Hoboken, NJ, so gotta go with Lou.

Elvis Costello or Elvis Andrus? Costello

Buzz or Woody? Never saw those.

Woody or Mel? Too tough

James T. Kirk or Jean-Luc Picard? Picard will unfairly get the bald vote so I'm giving my "hair" vote to Kirk.

The AMA Awards or the ACM Awards? The American Medical Association has an awards show?

Joe Buck (Fox) or Joe Buck (MIDNIGHT COWBOY)? St. Louisan Joe Buck (Fox)

Laverne or Shirley? These were our dogs names when I was a child. Only Shirley lived long enough for me to remember her. Laverne was a rumor.

Bert or Ernie? Ernie, though I'm kind of a Bert.

Paul Rudd or Paul Rudnick? Is there a Ruddnick?

Macy’s Day Parade or Rose Parade? Let's see what do I hate worse-- consumerism or stodgy old college football traditions?

Baltimore Colts or Baltimore Ravens? Colts, because of Art Donovan's many appearances on Carson and Letterman.

Herman Cain or Justice Clarence Thomas? Cain, I guess, but just because he's done less damage overall.

Pubic hair on Coke can or Pepsi can? Pepsi can? That doesn't even make sense.

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT or COMMUNITY? Yes, COMMUNITY-- it's that good.

Kim Kardashian or Jenna Jamison? Jamison, more honest.

Subways or busses? Subways, they're greener.

The Subway or Quizno’s? Quizno's, but oh so expensive.

Albert Pujols or Willie Mays? They will have both stayed around too long.

Viagra or Cialis? Let's try both. Can you do that?

Zombies or Vampires? Vampires-- much more interesting.

Zombies or Gerry & the Pacemakers? I can't determine a difference.

Adam Sandler or a crutch? I don't get this, but I'm not big on Sandler.

Christmas or New Year’s? Merry Christmas


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Hillary Clinton's impassioned defense of human rights and the rights of women in Egypt was so powerful I almost forgot that the State Department has worked covertly to prop up this military throughout the uprising of the "Arab Spring."

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This Ron Paul video from the 2008 campaign is pretty inspiring. It presents Paul at his best, speaking unpopular truths and holding to them despite vehement opposition from pandering blowhards (like Rudy Giuliani). Paul is leading in polls in Iowa, but you would never know it to watch the network pundits. He can never be treated as a "legitimate" candidate because of his frequent and scathing critiques of American foreign policy.

As far as I'm concerned, the three best options for Iowans on caucus night January 3rd would be as follows-- 3) going to the GOP caucus and supporting Paul, 2) going to the Democratic caucus and supporting a slate of "uncommitted," or 1, and best of all) joining Occupy Iowa in physical and very public protest.

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Do you think Bruce Springsteen is pissed that Manfred Mann recorded the song he penned, "Blinded by the Light," and changed the lyric "wrapped up like a deuce" to "wrapped up like a douche"? This has long been considered one of the extraordinary examples of "lyricitism" in rock-n-roll history, but I fully contend that it is not the error of the listener in hearing the word "douche". I heard the song again tonight in the car-- and he doesn't say "deuce." He clearly says "douche." Every time.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Supporting the troop

American hero Bradley Manning turns 24 today. The Army intelligence officer spent his birthday in court accused of leaking hundreds of thousands of classified "secret" documents to WikiLeaks. In a truly democratic country, the men and women on trial would be the perpetrators of the military, diplomatic, and war crimes that Manning has exposed-- his fellow soldiers opening fire on unarmed men from the cockpit of an Apache helicopter in Iraq, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton instructing U.S. diplomats to act as covert spies at the United Nations, President Obama for his secret and unauthorized bombings of Yemen and its civilians-- but ours is not a truly democratic nation under the Bush/Obama oligarchy. Manning faces lifetime imprisonment under the Espionage Act (really?), and could still face the death penalty, for blowing the whistle on, and embarrassing, our government of profound corruption when he should instead be given the Medal of Freedom and made a key witness for the Justice Department in the prosecution of these other cases.

The goal is to break the courageous Manning so that he will implicate WikiLeaks and Julian Assange, very real threats technologically and morally to America's ability to continue committing crimes with impunity across the globe. To break Manning, he was isolated in military prison for 10 months, kept from all human contact (including his attorneys) except for his guards, had his clothes seized for a time, was made to sleep naked on a mattress with no sheets or blankets, and awakened every 15 minutes after being deemed a "suicide threat."

U.S. officials are well aware of the severity of their actions against Manning and their own willful violation of international law. Amnesty International and the United Nations have both condemned the U.S. for human rights violations in their treatment of Manning, and the U.N.'s special rapporteur for torture has not been allowed to meet unmonitored with Manning.

In Australia, this extraordinary exposure of secret information in the WikiLeaks case-- which has since helped to bring about the Arab Spring and "end" the Iraq war-- earned native son Julian Assange the most prestigious journalistic honor that country offers. Our native son, the actual source of the information, gets tortured Abu Ghraib-style. Dozens of Americans protested outside the courthouse today in Fort Meade, Maryland, and dozens more did so in London outside of the United States embassy, but where is the American journalistic establishment in their public protests supporting Manning? They moved quickly to publish the leaked information-- a veritable "lifetime of scoops". (The biggest reveals were published in the New York Times even before they were published on WikiLeaks' website.) Now, where are they in defending the government transparency they claim to care about?

This story is about you. The ongoing torture and the destroying of an extraordinarily brave and principled human being named Bradley Manning is about you. Your government is showing you how they will treat people who blow the whistle on any one of their crimes. The message is Keep Your Mouth Shut. In his three years in office, our president has now prosecuted more government whistleblowers under the Espionage Act than all of his predecessors combined. Virtually the entire world outside of our borders sees what's happening, even if many Americans still refuse to. There has been more revealed in the Manning affair than just what could be read on the hundreds of thousands of leaked military and diplomatic cables. It also has exposed our president, Barack Obama, a man who vowed to operate "the most transparent administration in history," to be the actual "traitor" to America's ideals of justice and humanity, as well as to be one of the great merchants of evil the world over.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The modesty of dress

Is the mindset of "modesty" in clothing damaging to the self-esteem of young women? Sierra at Alternet argues that it is...

Modesty taught me that my first priority needed to be making sure I wasn't a "stumbling block" to men. Not being sexually attractive was the most important thing I had to consider when buying clothes, putting them on, maintaining my weight (can't have things getting tight!), and moving around (can't wiggle those hips, or let a little knee show). Modesty taught me that what I looked like was what mattered most of all. Not what I thought. Not how I felt. Not what I was capable of doing. Worrying about modesty, and being vigilant not to be sexy, made me even more obsessed with my looks than the women in short shorts and spray tans I was taught to hate.

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New York Magazine's Vulture section recently studied the season-to-date Nielsen TV ratings in great detail and broke down our favorites and least favorites by demographic. What did I learn about myself as a result of their efforts? That I am very different from the average American in my love for NBC's Thursday night lineup, and the least like a poor, teenage girl...

The lowest-rated series with children 11 and under? Parks & Recreation
#2 show overall for both men and women? Two and a Half Men
The number of NBC shows in the Nielsen top 40 aside from Sunday Night Football? Zero
More weekly viewers-- NCIS, or Community, Parks & Rec, The Office, and Whitney combined? NCIS
What do teenage boys love most? FOX Sunday night animation
Most popular show among adults 18-49 with a median income of $100,000 and above? Modern Family
Least popular with that same demographic? Cops
Top 3 shows among adults 18-49 that have 4 or more years of college? Parks & Recreation, The Office, Community

Monday, December 12, 2011

Happy 96th, FS

Sinatra enjoys another birthday today. A radio pal steered me by email to WMKV in Cincinnati streaming the best of Sinatra until midnight Eastern. We're still missing you Francis.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The company store

In small towns across America, there has often been what's referred to as "the company store." You would find these in communities dominated economically by one employer. "The company store" is the basic source of all goods and supplies-- hardware, groceries, etc.-- and it's owned by the major employer.

This is referred to as the "truck system." The boss pays out wages for the days' or weeks' labor, and then the employees and their families give that money right back to him at the store in exchange for their various necessities. Often, employees will be paid in company "scrip," usable only at the store, and by design, the employees and their families become further indebted to, and dependent upon, their employer under this system. Tennessee Ernie Ford memorialized this concept of economic exploitation with his 1955 hit tune "Sixteen Tons," when he lamented having to tell Saint Peter at the heavenly gates that he "owes his soul to the company store." Remember that one?

Have company stores gone away? Not by a long shot. In fact, it's quite the opposite. They went national. It's called Walmart. The Survey of Consumer Finances and the Forbes 400 reveal that the Walton family-- that is, six heirs to Sam Walton, founder of the discount store chain-- owned a combined $69.7 billion as of 2007. That's equal to the bottom 30% of all Americans combined, 100 million of us.

One family=30% of America.

That's obscene enough, but of course, none of these Waltons even worked for it. They're "heirs." The company store moves in, levels Main Street, and the store inheritors break the bank. There's still time for change, however, we're not yet being issued scrip.


Thursday, December 08, 2011

To the greatest Cardinal of them all... Stan Musial

There's no competition about this anymore. The leading contender to Musial's throne ended his Cardinals career today approximately 11 years after it began. Musial put in 22 years + wearing 'the birds on the bat,' but a new 8 to 10-year deal with the club might have put Pujols in very comparable company by the time he was done-- that is, except for the seven-to-one advantage in batting titles for Stan the Man.

Am I mad that Pujols has left? A little. Do I think he's greedy? Not if you assume, which I kind of do, that his decision had more to do with union solidarity and raising the league salary bar than it did with personal fortune. No, what I think Pujols is, above all, is dumb. He could easily live 50 more years after his professional baseball career ends, and who wouldn't want the life that Stan Musial, now at 91 years old, has carved out for himself in a beautiful, baseball-mad city as the living embodiment of an organization that has the most passionate, compassionate, fans and that never, ever embarrasses itself (including today).

He would have been staying with a fan base that had few demands upon his performance other than he play as hard as he could. His statue at Busch Stadium has already been constructed, and is currently resting outside a suburban St. Louis restaurant that bears Pujols' name (at least for the near-future). When will our charming, dumb superstar athletes realize that their legacy can only reside in one city? What Pujols will now have combined in legacy in St. Louis and in Anaheim or Los Angeles or whatever-the-fuck will not equal what one Stan Musial has in St. Louis. It wasn't his fault because he got traded, but ask Frank Robinson about that discernible difference. In sheer numbers, Robinson is up there with the best of 'em in the history of the game, yet he's behind Rose, Bench, Morgan, and Perez in Cincinnati, and behind Brooks Robinson and Cal Ripken Jr. in Baltimore.

Yes, I passionately dislike Pujols' agent. Deadspin has revealed to the world in the past month what a reptile Dan Lozano is. And while I wouldn't necessarily disqualify myself from a professional association with such an untoward individual, I also don't present myself to the public as a paragon of Christian, "family-centered" values as Pujols does, nor do I attend Glenn Beck rallies designed to help "Restore Honor" to an increasingly godless, immoral America.

I'm not one of those anti-player baseball fans either. I love that they make tons of money that would otherwise go to entitled team owners. I don't believe that rising player salaries have any effect on the price of game tickets or concessions. To believe that those (high) prices are dictated by anything other than supply and demand would require one to also believe that owners then keep those prices at artificial lows when the payroll ebbs, and if you believe that, I have a contract for you to sign that will pay you $25 million a year when you're 41 years old.

Players Union pioneer Marvin Miller never encouraged players to sign with agents. He wrote in his book, "A Whole New Ballgame," published in 1991, that he felt their compensation was completely outsized compared with services rendered. "The work they do basically involves answering the phone," he wrote, and he singled out Bob Boone for credit because the catcher hired an attorney to handle his contracts rather than an agent. If you don't believe that Lozano's professional pissing match relationship with fellow "superagent" Scott Boros had anything to do with negotiating this contract, consider that Boros previously closed a $252 million deal for Alex Rodriguez, and today's Pujols deal totaled $254 million.

Angels owner Arte Moreno, who pitched a public fit last year when the Red Sox gave Carl Crawford $142 million, lamented today (with some jest) that the two contracts signed today by the club (for Pujols and pitcher C.J. Wilson) total more in dollars than the entire amount he paid for the team in 2003. This is very funny-- overpaid players and all that. But what he doesn't point out-- they never do-- is what that fact means for the skyrocketing value of his initial investment.

As I write this, I realize I'm getting angrier. Now I come across this Deadspin post with the following quote from Albert Pujols in 2009, which now sounds to me more like the parroting of something he heard other players saying, "People from other teams want to play in St. Louis and they're jealous that we're in St. Louis because the fans are unbelievable. So why would you want to leave a place like St. Louis and go somewhere else and make $3 or 4 more million a year? It's not about the money. I already got my money. It's about winning and that's it. It's about accomplishing my goal and my goal is to try to win."

Grraah-worldchampionsss. Oops, I had to sneeze there.

You'll know if you've read any of my related posts over the past two years that I felt it was incumbent upon the Cardinals to give some more from the previous round of negotiations, and I'm happy to say that they reportedly did that this week. Columnist Bernie Miklasz says he has it on authority that they went as high as 10 years and $210 million, but the Angels' offer blew everybody else away at 10 years and $250 million. Like owner Bill DeWitt and company, I'm able to balance my great respect for Pujols with the understanding that the backweighted dollars on this 10-year agreement were rather scary to comprehend from the standpoint of fielding a competitive team.

My headline tells you that Stan the Man has obviously been on my mind-- and the minds of other Cardinals fans-- today, but let's not forget that Stan, playing in the '40s, '50s, and early '60s didn't know the phrase "free agent" from the phrase "world wide web." (Though he actually did infamously turn down a huge offer to play in a fledgling professional league in Mexico.) I'm also thinking a lot today about Mark McGwire, who definitively accepted a "hometown" discount in contract negotiations only a decade ago, and then literally gave millions of dollars back when he grew tired of battling chronic back pain, and opted to retire, cancelling the remaining years on a guaranteed contract. As the team's current hitting coach, Cardinals fans still have the opportunity to show their love to Mark McGwire daily, yet many of them strangely choose not to.

If Pujols had accepted a deal with the Miami Marlins, or god forbid, the Cubs, the Cardinals would have had to up their offer, I believe, but as it is, I have no problem with Pujols disappearing to the other league, to a team that plays the second half of half of its games after I go to bed, and a club that the Cardinals have played exactly six times in 119 years. If El Hombre wants to truly stain his baseball legacy and become a designated hitter, and play in a home park where fans leave during the 7th inning stretch so they can beat the Disneyland traffic on the Santa Ana, that's his prerogative, thanks to the personal sacrifice of Curt Flood. And if the Angels want to pay a man $25 million a year into his 40s to jog to first on ground balls and lead the league in double plays, that's theirs.

The Cardinals already know they have a championship club. They presented a half-dozen new stars to the sports world during the postseason of 2011-- Freese, Craig, Motte, Garcia, Jay; and now they've got an extra $20 million a year to spend on roster upgrades. Is this a sad day for the Cardinals? Yes, in that they lose a shot at having a second Musial-like icon in the fold (and isn't one Musial an embarrassment of riches anyway?), but I don't think they're hurt on the field in a significant way. The reality of sports is that everybody is ultimately replaceable, and this winter, I have been asking Cardinals fans this question: Considering the talented club they still expect to put on the field next year, would we have been in the bidding for Albert Pujols if he had spent the last 11 seasons playing for a different club? Of course, the answer is no.

There was a lot of sentiment tied up in the Cardinals' bid for Pujols. For our fans, his signing elsewhere is a nice, always helpful reminder that baseball is, at the end of the day, big business. Baseball people, particularly its club owners, get away with murder (or worse, tax dodging) when fans allow themselves to get caught up in the romantic side of the game. See, there I go again-- it's a business, not a game.

The St. Louis Cardinals are the most successful franchise in the entire history of the world's oldest baseball league, and they're poised to continue to be that. The loss of the Great Pujols should not be considered a repeat of the LeBron James debacle unless you believe that the Cardinals are the Cleveland Cavaliers, and that Musial, Lou Brock, Ozzie Smith, Rogers Hornsby, Bob Gibson, Dizzy Dean, Enos Slaughter, Red Schoendienst and Bob Gibson are World B. Free, Bingo Smith, and Boobie Gibson.

Thanks for 11 historic years, Albert. Guess we'll see you in the World Series.

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Kind of Blue

Miles Davis grew up in middle-class East St. Louis during the 1930s and '40s, the son of a prominent local dentist. The Davis family home has fallen into a state of great disrepair, but this isn't one of those stories about long, gradual decline in the industrial city. The decay is just in the last two years.

This is why we can't pause for even a moment to save our vital structural landmarks. The Davis house has never been declared a historic site by the city (or by its state or federal government, for that matter), and now after only a brief period of vacancy, vandals are taking it down bit by bit. Here's some "Blue" Miles to play for atmosphere (in a separate window) while you look at the photos and read about the crumbling house in the link above. The online story from the Riverfront Times in St. Louis really should have included a soundtrack from the very beginning. (And it wouldn't be St. Louis without a couple racist pricks spewing in the comment thread.)

Monday, December 05, 2011

A People's History of TV Fest X, Part II

Saturday's Moeller-Fest (as some have taken to calling it) recaps below, just as with Part I, with anonymous comments from the comment box. All spelling and punctuation errors belong to the individual writers, not me, and I would have to charge you extra for context. I will remind the reader that the theme of this TV Fest party was "hats," and you can find the television programming schedule further down the page on this blog...


Thanks to all for coming- especially Dave for coming from KC and Tim from Peoria. Amazing!

The dead bird is the saddest moment at TV Fest since the cast of "Soap" lost on Celebrity Family Feud.

'Do you remember me tellin' you to be careful with this thing?.." That's what she said.

Maggie is so cute in her outfit.

Maggie would like to thank Chris for inviting her to join in on the TV Festival. Chris is her favorite uncle.

This is my dad's favorite show, so I've seen millions of episodes. And I never learned anything.

The egg nog is delicious with ice and vodka.

I have a different hat for each show today, each related to the episode that is airing. Good luck guessing all the tie-ins.

Hat #1: Taylor Made. Just like Opie the birdman.

I generally don't like a laugh track, but it helped in this case.

Chris, Do you have a blanket Maggie can lay on?

Does everyone know how Chris' toilet seat works? ROAD TRIP!

To decrease waste I used this label to make a comment.

How did everyone enjoy the delicious lunch of flightless bird?

I hope no one else is coming to the festival since we're at capacity.

Hat #2: US Open- Pebble Beach. Just like doing splits in short-shorts, wearing a hat from Pebble Beach proves that I am not white trash.

What do foreigners think of us when they watch this show?

A rusty bike frame! The American Pickers would buy that for $50 bucks and turn around and sell it for $150. I see "The Gang Becomes Pickers" as a future episode. (emailed comment)

Eagles need to sign that guy that tackled Dennis to their "Dream Team," be sure to make air quotes around dream team. (emailed comment)

Gentleman, please: Bring back short cutoffs.

I forgot to get the blanket for Maggie. I'll leave myself this note.

I like how the swimming lanes in the dry pool go across the width rather than length.

Phil brought his own chair!

Everyone has a friend or two like the guys on "always sunny" I might be that friend.... unfortunately.

Oh lordy... JORTS! sexy, sexy, man jorts!

I like that Carmela wants him to ease up on the drinking- so at the last meal he's drinking a half size can of beer

Next year: TV Fest at Aaron & Alex's lake house.

is her tit-too a mouth with a tongue sticking out?

I like how hat #1 applies to show #1 AND show #3.

that kid is WAY too old for a pacifier

Directed by Tim Van patten AKA "salami" from "White Shadow" I miss the Sopranos

Advance to St. Charles Avenue- If you pass Go, collect $200

We should all get bikes.

The Sopranos is the funniest non-comedy ever.

Guy taking a shit in the background is a TV Festival first.

Discussion about why hired shooters drop their gun at the crime scene.

"Free Parking" is a dumb rule- Bobby is right.

Bobby's right- Free parking rule is low class

Tony the morning after the fight looks like me the morning after the TV fest.

I like Janice's Rolling Stones tattoo on the top of her left bosom. Aaron, how are you enjoying your Rolling Stones beer glasses from your wedding registry.

Hat #3: Chicago Cubs. This episode aired in 2007- the Cubs won the division in 2007. Plus, somebody from this show has probably sung "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at Wrigley.

The Monopoy House that Carmela flicks off of Tony's cheek is a metaphor for the broken family - but it looked like a hotel painted green.

The guy who plays Silvio is in the band Bon Jovi.

I was expecting a seal to come bite Larry's hand off in that opening sequence.

I'm kicking myself for not preparing the Larry David sandwich for TV Fest.

Aaron has a sandwich named after him @ work. The Moellerbear

Group discussion: Is intercourse sacred?

The best thing about Larry David has got to be his feuds with children.

Notice how all the Jews are honoring hat day.

Most sex in a tv fest episode ever?

Is it really something to even think twice about? of course you don't pick up the phone during sex

Hat #4: Dub's Dread visor. In honor of Larry David, who obsesses about being bald, I am wearing a hat with nothing on top.

You win 2nd prize in a beauty contest Collect $10

When does the hat parade begin?

Group discussion: What tickles your fancy?

What time does the hat parade begin?

The Larry David discussion about picking up the phone during sex could be called "The Big Bang Theory"

Did a bottle just fall and not break?

No Star Wars or Star Trek costumes for these nerds? CBS must not have been able to secure the rights. (emailed comment)

If you look closely, they change out the contents of the shelves to include different pieces of nerd paraphernalia.

I love how Terra is legitimately afraid to speak during the show.

Hat #5: Springfield Isotopes. Tie-in should be obvious.

Not even the nerdiest nerds put Feynman diagrams on their walls.

Aaron you're so great. Glad you're the only one. Limited edition I feel special.

to the right now stomp
to the left now stomp
two hops this time
now Charlie Brown
Everybody clap your hands.

Linus DID NOT wash that apple before eating it! And why the hell did Lucy bother to put down paper?

Lucy really is a bitch.

Fun fact: In 1983, for one year only, Charlie Brown kicked the football.

Linus and Lucy remind me of Tony and Jan Soprano

Linus needs to borrow Aaron's emergency hair scissors

Dear Great Pumpkin- You were delicious with whipped cream- Linus

Emily, do you remember when I went as Charlie Brown Halloween costume to your party 5-6 years ago?

What a bunch of unsupervised little a-holes

How old are these characters? Are they old enough to know what a notary is?

Linus with his blanket looked like Indiana Jones with his whip getting that mailbox open.

I bet Maggie is having dreams about shooting down the Red Baron too!

These kids all have huge heads. They're like the Anti-Rob and Terra

The problem with this year's TV Festival is that there's a tiny bit of hypocrisy.

Poor martyr Charlie Brown and his t-shirt of thorns.

People expect more from you when you have naturally curly hair.

This CGI is not impressive.

The 2011 Worlds Record for largest pumpkin was 1818.5 pounds, that is truly a Great Pumpkin (emailed comment)

Hat #6: Iowa Hawkeyes. It's usually around Halloween when the proverbial football gets pulled away from the Hawks having a truly great season. Also, Charlie Brown seems to be a Hawkeye fan the way he always wears a black & gold shirt.

Turkey on your head? THAT'S an original hat idea.

Does Chris have the only DVD movie collection in the world that's displayed in the order the movies were released?

Maggie paid attention to the whole thing. It's like she recognizes Alex's DVD.

Hat #7: Cubs 1998 Wild Card Champions. This episode aired in 1998, when the Cubs won the wild card. Plus, I think David Schwimmer has sung "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at Wrigley

Could this be considered a "TV focus group"

Seat warmer. don't you mow your lawn in the summer?

Congratulations to the 2011 World Champion Dallas Mavericks

Why doesn't Alex have a hat on? (I wrote this during 'Friends' but then she put one on)

Besides me, who is STOKED that Beavis and Butthead are back on TV?

All things MASON rock!!

Hat #8: '98 Wild Card again. Another 1998 episode. Not-so-fun-fact: I've worn 2 Cubs hats to mark 2 playoff appearances. The Cubs won the same number of games in both of those playoffs- 0.

RIP Phil Hartman. oh shit... Tone Loc!?!

Yes, black security guard is Tone Loc.

Wasn't that one guy on Fear factor?

There was something like 5 Newsradio episodes in the first 3 years of the TV Fest. Remember when they used to be 2 days long?

My guess is the security guard doesn't drink Egg Nog at Christmas, but instead enjoys some "Funky Cold Medina" while doing the "Wild thing". (emailed comment)

Wonder when Fibber McGee copyright runs out?

I have a photo of the Newradio building in New York City.

Moeller TV fest co-ed softball team? anyone??? anyone???

Santa Claus is from Des Moines

Cotton Hill & the security guard on Newsradio are played by Toby Huss, an Iowan and a bad ass

Hat #9: Moeller TV Fest X - Still the best TV Fest in the world!

thanks for the presents Dave! A donation has been made in your name to the Moeller Foundation

I miss Kids in the Hall a lot.

Sometime check out how large the wikipedia page for Festivus is

Next TV Festival we need to find that old episode of the Dean Martin Show with Harry Blackstone and the goats

Check out the birds out the window

Hat #10: Titleist x2. I'm a two face! Also reminds me of my favorite Seinfeld moment- "The sea was angry that day my friend..." "What, is that a Titleist?" "Well, a hole in one."

The narrator of the radio show looks a little like Larry "Bud" Melman.

Your birthday is technically the first day of your New Year.

He kind of looks like Kevin Spacey

if you wanna get lucky, gimme that toasted tobackey!!!

The Kids in the Hall name comes from Jack Benny.

1956 is gonna be the best year ever!

That Lucky Strike commercial is some classic Mad Men shit

Was that Mel Blanc or Michael Winslow?

Because of people like Rob we will never see great commercials like Lucky Strike. Thanks Asshole!!

Shores of Getchagumee = Shores of Lake Superior (Thank you Gordon Lightfoot)

I wanted Bugs Bunny to be in the radio program

Tom Moeller's Duffy Daugherty anecdote

50 years from now do you think people will be having TV Festivals watching shows that are 100 years old?

How embarrassing both coaches wore the same color suit as Jack Benny.

Did everyone smoke in the 50s? dayum.

Did Jamie telegram any comments about that episode?

No comment.

I'm not impressed by the CGI in this one either

Jack Benny's old high school in Waukegan, Illinois is name the '39ers.'

Biggest problem with TV Fest 10 Part 2? Finding a parking space

Hat #11: Dolphins stocking cap. New Year's Show- come on, it's cold outside.

Discussion: What are your ideas for the next TV Fest? How often is too many TV Festivals in a year?

Hey Kids! It's light up time!