Thursday, July 27, 2006

Road hazards

Steroid scandals don't hurt any sport. Latest case in point: today's revelation that Tour de France winner Floyd Landis tested positive for elevated testosterone levels. If not for this story, there would be no bicycling headlines at all today, or any day for the next 11 1/2 months for that matter. "Bicyclist tests positive," "Robert Downey, Jr. tests positive," I'm not sure why people care one way or the other, but they do. And the sport is bigger than ever.

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We're hearing about nothing but Lance Armstrong in our state this week. He's riding in RAGBRAI, or "(the Des Moines) Register's Great Bike Ride Across Iowa." His official mission is to help raise cancer awareness, but what is really being accomplished? Do we really need to have more awareness about the disease? I think we all get it. What we need are more celebrities of his stature tackling the tough issues of medical research-- namely, stem cell research. Some people are going to have to get offended before any progress is made.

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The New York Yankees are looking to become "the New York Yankees" of public stadium fleecings with their current effort to have a new ballpark constructed in the Bronx. Taxpayers in NYC even foot the bill for the team's lobbying effort. Amazing.

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This could have been written about me.

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This too.

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It's so hot this week, here and across the U.S., I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.

They were walking, people!

It's so hot, I saw a squirrel with a sunburn on his nuts.

On his nuts!

It's so hot, tourists in Washington D.C. have been trying to stand next to Hillary Clinton just for the chill.

For the chill! Am I right, gang?!

It was so hot today, a flasher on the street asked me to imagine a rain coat.

Imagine a rain coat!

That's all I've got.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The 9th Annual Chris Moeller Film Awards

Bring up the houselights. It's once again time to reflect upon the year in film now past. Half of the next year has now gone since even the most recent releases, but the studios and press agents sent the tapes to the old address again this year so it's taken me this long to cobble together the succeeding tripe.

2005 was a year of great performances on camera, but of precious little to praise behind it. Having to single out the wonderful performances caused me enough nervous pacing that a four-inch trench now winds its way through my living room's stylish shag carpeting, yet I nearly had to replace the annual Top 5 Film & Directors' list with awards for gold, silver, and bronze. Is it just me or are directors making features for DVD and video now rather than for that "old-timey" theater magic? Movies today are, by and large, too cluttered. It seems they're increasingly made to require multiple viewings, or even a DVD audio commentary, to fully appreciate, and story conclusions are becoming so ambiguous and utterly in-conclusive that a movie like "Syriana" makes "Apocalypse Now" look like "Rudy."

My movies? I like 'em spare and I like 'em tight-- imaginative stories, simply told. I finally settled on five flicks that I believe will satisfy the test of time. Excepting one, they average 92 minutes in length, and all five bring freshness to the screen. Two were nominated for Best Picture by the Motion Picture Academy-- an overlap somewhat typical, and they each have the proverbial balls, by either their subject matter, their narrative originality, or both.

They include: a clean and dramatic, if not overlong, western of shocking courage; a most cunning and bizarre character study of a man alternately hero and baffoon; a pleasureful and one-of-a-kind living comedy with performance artist as writer/director/star; and a portrait of a broken family so polished and expert that it avoids nearly every trait the modern Academy voter is looking for. Finally, the CM Film of the Year is brisk, topical, convincing, and beautifully photographed. May it be viewed often and by many.

CMFA Top 5 2005

Brokeback Mountain
Ang Lee, dir

Grizzly Man
Werner Herzog, dir

Me and You and Everyone We Know
Miranda July, dir

The Squid and the Whale
Noah Baumbach, dir

And the 2005 Best Picture/Director
Good Night and Good Luck
George Clooney, dir

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Best Actress
Laura Linney, The Squid and the Whale

Best Actor
Jeff Daniels, The Squid and the Whale

Best Supporting Actress
Maggie Gyllenhaal, Happy Endings

Best Supporting Actor
Ben McKenzie, Junebug

Best Adapted Screenplay
Dan Futterman, Capote

Best Original Screenplay
Miranda July, Me and You and Everyone We Know


Explanations (i.e. the aftermath): There continues to be a dearth of great parts for women in films. I feel lucky to have had two worthy options in Linney and Gyllenhaal. Reese Witherspoon in "Walk the Line" and the jilted women of "Brokeback Mountain" were also strong contenders in films whose stories threatened to keep them restrained to the background. Amy Adams and Embeth Davidtz were noteworthy in "Junebug." Linney is now a 2-time CMFA winner as actor (a first), and the real accomplishment, it now dawns on me, is that both times she won alongside her co-star.

The choice for Best Actor may have been the toughest I've had to make in any category since passing over Naomi Watts ("Mulholland Drive") in favor of Halle Berry ("Monsters Ball") in 2001. How do you shun David Strathairn in "Good Night and Good Luck," Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Capote," Anthony Hopkins in "The World's Fastest Indian," Joaquin Phoenix in "Walk the Line," Heath Ledger in "Brokeback Mountain," or Eric Bana's hair in "Munich"? The answer is Jeff Daniels in "The Squid and the Whale." His characterization is authentic to the word-- I loved how his literature professor eludes to F. Scott Fitzgerald, not as "an influence," but as "a predecessor." Cheers to Noah Baumbach's script, I guess, as well. Great character.

I picked "Junebug's" McKenzie as the top male supporter for his spot-on reveal of Red State melancholy and resentment. I'm still trying to figure out why Jake Gyllenhaal's performance in "Brokeback Mountain" wound up classified as a supporting one while Ledger's was a lead. The only reason I can come up with was that he was the catcher, and Ledger, the pitcher.


Other 2005 thoughts:
I've told you already that I didn't care for War of the Worlds, Munich, or Batman Begins, and that Elizabethtown blew chunks. You know that I was slightly charmed by the second coming of The Bad News Bears and completely charmed by The Producers.

I thought Wedding Crashers had two great performances at its center, but was suffocated by a script and director that didn't know what it had, not the least of which else was Christopher Walken. The Aristocrats was filthy fun, but Sarah Silverman's Jesus is Magic could have done with a little more pep and fewer musical numbers. And looking back on it now, it's hard to believe I ever saw Four Brothers.

Walk the Line avoided most of the pitfalls of the "Great Man" bio-epic, mostly thanks to Reese Witherspoon keeping the focus on the June-and-Johnny Cash relationship. Shopgirl was the sort of tedious self-indulgence I fear we'll be stuck with from Steve Martin for the rest of his career. I regret that it will forever be the first movie I ever saw in the theater with the love of my life, but at least the distinction won't belong to Elizabethtown.

I was drawn deeply into Capote, and it competed for a spot on the Top 5 list, along with Happy Endings. (I would watch an entire series of films featuring the unlikely pair of Maggie Gyllenhaal and Tom Arnold.) Syriana left me scratching my head-- not because of its convoluted story, though it indeed had that to spare, but because of my lingering anger that it let too many of its principals off the hook.

Not many will wind up seeing The World's Fastest Indian, but Sir Anthony H as the real-life 70-something codger who travels from New Zealand to the Utah salt flats to race his motorcycle in the 1960s has three terrific elements-- a great central performance, old-fashioned road-picture cred, and a love for sports through racing that I had previously found quite foreign. It's the best family movie of the year.

On the documentary front, there was much to chew on in Why We Fight, though it has a rather disingenuous title seeing as how a small percentage of Americans actually do the fighting. I caught Bukowski- Born Into This, a profile of eccentric and oft-drunk poet Charles Bukowski, on a notably bad day and fell asleep half way through. What I saw, though, I liked.

The three most inexplicably popular films of the year were The 40 Year Old Virgin, which I didn't get around to seeing until last week, and about which I will probably be able to remember nothing by October; A History of Violence, which I thoughtlessly expected to be about something other than film studio marketing and audience pandering; and finally, Oscar's favorite, Crash, the worst kind of movie, one that pretends to be serious while, in fact, is nothing more than manipulation and melodrama, in love with its own high-mindedness. We're all guilty, it preaches. So sorry I made the mistake of driving my car or getting out of bed this morning. It lacked all of the intelligence of the year's top movie. Half of the film's cast is still trying to get paid, but I want my money back first.

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2004's CM Film Awards were posted last July, and here you have the list of all the previous winners.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The desperate hours

Now that Bill Clinton has traveled to Connecticut to campaign for George Bush's favorite Democrat, Joe Lieberman, in the senator's primary race, it sets up a potentially interesting scenario a short distance down the road. Will Clinton and "GOP Joe's" other backers join him in his race as an Independent if Ned Lamont wins the Democratic nomination? Are Ralph Nader's sharpest critics in the Republican wing of the party really supporting a candidate who has vowed to jump ship if he's rejected by primary voters rather than honoring their decision, and what does that say about the Democratic Leadership Conference's rhetoric about "a big tent?"

The DLC is meeting in Denver this week-- Hillary Clinton, Evan Bayh, Tom Vilsack, and company-- to map out their vision for America and avoid saying as much as possible about a war in Iraq that they supported and/or authorized, and that 60 percent of Americans now say was a mistake. You can bet that the few statements made in reference to the war will be along the lines of how we can't leave the country and allow it to descend into civil war when, in fact, it should be evident to all impartial observers that it already has. Two dozen protestors gathered outside the convention hall today chanting "DLC/where've you been? You're acting like/Republicans."

Right-centrist Democrats claim opponents of Lieberman and the Clintons are simply web-based fringe activists and point to the fact that Hillary far outpolls any of the war critics like Russ Feingold or Wesley Clark as possible Democratic nominees for president, but unlike Hillary, neither of those potential candidates also have polls indicating the overwhelming disapproval numbers of overall voters, and I think it's also safe to assume that much of Clinton's support is based on name recognition.

The New York Senator has admirably stated that she will support the Democratic nominee in the Connecticut senate race, but many other high-profile politicos and intrenched incumbents would be likely to walk out the door with a rejected Lieberman. Says Joe: "If people question whether I'm a Democrat, the Democratic party is in trouble." Says me: "The party is long past trouble-- of their doing. It finally seems as if it's on the way back. And blood will get spilled."

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I almost called Ned Lamont "Gene Lamont," but that was the old Pirates' manager.

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A hardcore Madonna fan has started in on-line petition to address what he believes is a boycott of the pop singer's music by radio behemoth Clear Channel resulting from the Material Girl's anti-Bush public rhetoric. New singles from her album "Confessions on a Dance Floor" have risen to #1 on world music charts, but have performed badly in the U.S., and Ron Jacobs believes lack of radio play is the culprit.

Tonight I called my man on the inside-- a local FM programmer with Clear Channel-- and he has received no internal memos or e-mails with instructions to the effect of silencing Madonna. No one has contacted him at all about her music. Ever, as it turns out.

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I'm really taking to my job at Iowa Student Loan. There have been some unfortunate repercussions, such as my new tendency to say "Thank you for calling" at the end of personal phone transmissions, but overall, it's been really enjoyable. It's actually a little unsettling to go through life for once without daily animosity towards one's employer. Maybe there's been a teddy bear inside of me all the time.

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I found an indispensable website for our perusal until baseball's trade deadline passes on Monday. Fox Sports' www.benmaller.com has all the unsubstantiated and downright fraudulent trade rumors any fan could want or need.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Off on the wrong foot

How do Iowa Democrats continue to keep their stranglehold on the quadrennial first-in-the-nation caucus? The electoral results for the party do nothing to support their efforts. The most common case made for Iowa's unbalanced power around these parts has always been naked provincialism, which is hard to dispute, but I refuse to obey the alternative notion that Iowa voters are-- by nature of the system that's been in place-- more qualified or educated to cherry-pick the frontrunners in the presidential nomination process. Our voters seem just as gullible to the baffoons and cheats of the stump as those in the next state.

A party rules committee recommended Saturday that Iowa's top spot on the calendar be preserved for 2008, but it wedged the caucus of the Senate Minority Leader's home state of Nevada into the number 2 slot, ahead of the New Hampshire primary, and moved South Carolina's primary date up to just a week following the Granite State's. The argument being that minorities would be better represented by early voting in Nevada and South Carolina. But what it's really designed to do is give the "Blue Dog" or right-centrist Democrats more sway. (Only idiots would look to South Carolina to empower minorities, even to its Democrats.)

If you're not going to employ the fairest system, which is rotating all 50 states at the top of the political calendar, then use the most sensible system, that is, give the most power to the states most evenly divided between Democrats and Republicans or the most heavily populated. If the general election is going to be determined by the voters of Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Florida, let them also select the Democratic candidates that appeal most to them.

Democrats should also stop taking advice from Clinton strategists/apologists like Harold Ickes and Donna Brazile.

Republicans, I give you no advice. You're on your own.

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Sunday is Bruce Sutter's big day. You won't want to miss it. I presume the big event is being televised by ESPN Classic this year.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

The Ice Capades

If you're like me, you were blown away back in 1989 by the unexpected death of Eddie LeBec, second husband of waitress Carla Tortelli on television's hit comedy "Cheers." Finally the real story of the death of the Boston Bruins' greatest fictional goalie is being revealed at writer Ken Levine's blogspot.

P.S. -- I also enjoyed the Pam Dawber line.

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If you're in the Des Moines area this weekend, make time for the Clear Channel Radio-sponsored "Taste of Des Moines" at Blank Park Zoo. Clear Channel employees happily staff the event for free, and where else on the planet can you sample the exotic menu items of Red Lobster?

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"Taste of Des Moines" has been overpriced every year anyway, but moving the event from the downtown bridges to the zoo won't help boost proceeds. Animals don't have pockets.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

A violent storm

A rather violent tornado has swept through St. Louis tonight, causing some unprecendented damage to Busch Stadium. The Cardinals were scheduled to take on Atlanta tonight, but the game is currently in delay at the start, perhaps soon to be cancelled.

I was driving home from work and-- for the first time-- forced to listen to the studio crew from this new Cardinals radio network, and I must tell you the broadcast product is abysmal. A couple of bonehead sportsjocks are trying to describe the scene and blathering on about how extraordinary the whole scene is, but providing few details. The worst is suspected to have passed, but concession stands were overturned, and the field tarp pulled up, causing the homeplate area to be flooded with water. Reports are that very few fans had left the park, though obviously many people were on downtown streets when during the threat.

By the time you read this, we'll know a lot more about the damage, and it may turn out that the whole thing is being overblown, but information has been hard to find on-line, the TV broadcast of the game has switched to alternate programming, and I just wanted to take this opportunity to single out some unqualified broadcasting baffoons-- reason #819 why the Cardinals should have never been pulled off of St. Louis heritage news station 1120 KMOX.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Bush sends more Americans to Jesus

It looks as if we're finally going to see that long-awaited first Bush veto. The Senate today voted to expand federal support for embryonic stem cell research, and the President has already made abundantly clear his intention to wield the executive pen on this issue. What's ironic is that the Senate bill in question-- already passed by the House-- didn't do enough to begin with to help find cures for some of the world's most devastating diseases. Thousands of surplus embryos in fertility clinics would be made available for federally-funded research with this measure, but nothing was included in the bill to boost what's referred to as "therapeutic cloning," or the creation of embryos genetically matched to patients with specific diseases so that their stem cells can be extracted and used towards the restoration of damaged tissue. The potential of that research is mind-blowing.

Still, Wednesday's anticipated veto will have devastating repercussions for disease sufferers such as those with diabetes, and it will weaken America's competitiveness in the field of research. "There has been an upsurge in demand," said Senator Hillary Clinton, speaking for the base of her party on an issue with 70 percent public support. Backers of the legislation "(have) crossed every line we could imagine, certainly partisan lines, ethnic, racial, geographic lines."

I hope Bush's children get Parkinson's Disease. I'm not sure what else it would take for the President to get behind this. Do you think Nancy Reagan would be making private calls to GOP Senators on behalf of this research if her husband had never been diagnosed with Alzheimer's? Of course she wouldn't. That's how the Republicans dance-- ignore it, condemn it, and/or politicize it until it reaches into their own backyard.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Even more random lists

Top 1 Lists


My Favorite Novel

1. The Shroud of the Twacker, Chris Elliott


1 Great Short Story

1. The Shroud of the Twacker- Abridged, Chris Elliott


1 Great Driving Song

1. Sunday Kind of Love, Etta James


1 Cheesy '70s-'80s Song That for Some Reason I Don't Turn Off When It's on the Radio

1. Baby, I'm-a-Want You, Bread


1 Great Live Album

1. Frank Sinatra with the Red Norvo Quintet, Live in Australia


1 Great Guitar Solo I Heard in My Car This Week

1. You've Got a Friend, some hitchhiker


1 Great Story Song

1. Artificial Flowers, Bobby Darin


1 Great Story Song by Bruce Springsteen

1. Blind Terry & his Brothers Racing Under the 57th Street Bridge


1 Nevada City/Town I Can Not Name Off the Top of My Head

1. Bunkerville


1 Immensely Satisfying Food Order at US Chain Restaurants and Fast Food

1. Chicken Bacon 'n Swiss (Arbys)


1 Thing to See at the George Eastman House International Museum of Photography and Film in Rochester, New York

1. George's high school wrestling athletic supporter


1 Best List on this Blog Posting So Far

1. Arguably this one


1 Underrated Sitcom

1. Newhart


1 Great Recurring TV Character

1. MacGillicudy, Detective Agency worker-bee (Moonlighting, Jack Blessing)


1 Favorite Relative

1. My brother. Thanks for the week off.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Let's Class Up The Joint - by Aaron Moeller

Chris usually only gives flowery, obligatory lip service to the arts on this blog, so I thought I'd include a link today to engage our appreciation for some of the finer things. Pay particular attention not just to the delicacy and visual expansiveness of some of the art work in the collection, but to some of the descriptions as well. In particular, I loved The Athlete, one of the most remarkable Crayon on canvas works in all of Christendom. Also, pay attention to Think Again and it's comment on how our society has numbed itself to violence. Lucy in the Field with Flowers is, deservedly, a classic. (Hey, I think Chris once dated that lady. Haha.)

The mysterious beauty of these works derives especially, I believe, from special acknowledgment of the most represented artist therein - that artist with the most complex and elusive of artistic psyches: Unknown.

When you arrive there, click on "the collection".


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Chris isn't here, but this is something he would link to. I rarely "mix it up", as they say, when it comes to political discourse, but Iowa congressman Steve King is a nut. It's even reached the national music media.


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Looks like the media is finally acknowledging something about the Cubs that baseball fans have been slowly figuring out for years. If I was a Cub fan I wouldn't be blaming a curse, but the Cubs' own media: the Tribune Company.


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Here's a joke, then I'm outta here:

On a hot July day, in the none too specific future, a terrible, unnamed calamity wipes out the city of Cooperstown, New York, on the very weekend of that summer's annual Hall of Fame induction. All of baseball's surviving Hall of Famers in attendance are killed...and Pete Rose, who's also in town to sign autographs. (Per usual, his line of fans is the longest.)

Upon arriving in Heaven, each deceased baseball great is reintroduced to their already dead loved ones and then directed to their individual residences of Eternal Contentment and Rest, where for eternity every pitch shall be a strikeout, every homerun a titanic blast, and every steroid test negative.

Soon the recently deceased Hall of Famers are grandly introduced to those greats who had already been immortalized in the Great American Ballpark in the Sky (as opposed to the equally hallowed Great American Ballpark in Cincinnati, Ohio). Except for Tommy Lasorda - who went to Hell - they're all there. The angelic Roberto Clemente shakes hands with Reggie Jackson and Ozzie Smith. Even the dastardly Ty Cobb is introduced to Paul Molitor and Mike Schmidt. Babe Ruth, Stan Musial and Willie Mays compare notes, etc. etc.

After a chance to get acquainted, St. Peter shows up to give them a tour of the grounds and upon doing so the baseball legends come upon an immaculate mansion of gold with a spectacular view of far-off mountains and a gorgeous lake outlying the immense property. The trim of the house is in bright red and in the front yard flies two prominent banners, one is a Cincinnati Reds pennent, the other has Hit King:4256 emblazoned on it. A large batting cage stands adjacent to the house. From where they're standing, the Hall of Famers can see a small figure taking cuts in the cage. The figure is alternating swings from both sides of the plate, rising repeatedly from a familiar, crouched batting stance to spray line drives all over the field.

The Hall of Famers look at each other in shock. Warren Spahn is dumbfounded.

"What is he doing here?!" Bob Feller asks St. Peter, in a rage.

"That's not who you think it is," St. Peter assures them. "That's only God. He thinks he's Pete Rose!"

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Lists! Lists! And More Random Lists! by Aaron Moeller

My 6 Favorite Novels

1. Breakfast of Champions, Kurt Vonnegut
2. Lonesome Dove, Larry McMurtry
3. Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, Tom Robbins
4. One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
5. A Confederacy of Dunces, John Kennedy Toole
6. Dharma Bums, Jack Kerouac


5 Great Short Stories

1. "Work", Denis Johnson
2. "1/3, 1/3, 1/3", Richard Brautigan
3. "Tracy's Tiger", William Saroyan
4. "Cathedral", Raymond Carver
5. "Rock Springs", Richard Ford


10 Great Driving Songs

1. "Money for Nothing", Dire Straits
2. "Telephone Road", Steve Earle
3. "Golden", My Morning Jacket
4. "Working on the Highway", Bruce Springsteen
5. "A Thousand Miles from Nowhere", Dwight Yoakum
6. "Give Back the Key to My Heart", Uncle Tupelo with Doug Sahm
7. "Police and Thieves", The Clash
8. "No Business", Bonnie Raitt
9. "Yer So Bad", Tom Petty
10. "My Heart is the Bums on the Street", Marah


5 Cheesy '70s-'80s Songs That for Some Reason I Don't Turn Off When They're on the Radio

1. "Biggest Part of Me", Ambrosia
2. "Against All Odds", Phil Collins
3. "On and On", Stephen Bishop
4. "Lost in Love", Air Supply
5. "Lady in Red", Chris DeBurgh


5 Great Live Albums

1. Live 1966, Bob Dylan (with the Hawks)
2. Live in New York City, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band
3. Live at the Harlem Square Club, Sam Cooke
4. Live at the Apollo, James Brown and His Famous Flames
5. It's Too Late To Stop Now, Van Morrison


6 Great Guitar Solos I Heard On My Car Stereo This Week

1. "King Harvest (Has Surely Come)", The Band (Robbie Robertson)
2. "Reelin' in the Years", Steely Dan (Walter Becker)
3. "Sultans of Swing", Dire Straits (Mark Knopfler)
4. "Let's Go Crazy", Prince
5. "Ramblin' Man", The Allman Brothers Band (Dickie Betts, I think)
6. "Hotel California", The Eagles (Don Felder or Joe Walsh - I don't know)


6 Great Story Songs

1. "Romeo is Bleeding" - Tom Waits
2. "Pancho and Lefty" - Townes Van Zandt
3. "Let it Roll" - Guy Clark
4. "Gallo del Cielo" - Tom Russell
5. "My Ride's Here" - Warren Zevon
6. "Tecumseh Valley" - Townes Van Zandt


10 Great Story Songs by Bruce Springsteen

1. "Racing in the Street"
2. "Incident on 57th Street"
3. "Nothing Man"
4. "Brothers Under the Bridge"
5. "The River"
6. "Jungleland"
7. "Zero and Blind Terry"
8. "Highway Patrolman"
9. "The Promise"
10. "Cautious Man"


4 Nevada Cities/Towns I Can Name Off the Top of My Head

1. Reno
2. Las Vegas
3. Carson City
4. Reno


5 Immensely Satisfying Food Orders at US Chain Restaurants and Fast Food

1. Crispy Orange Chicken Bowl (Applebee's)
2. Chicken Tender Melt with Ranch (Perkins)
3. 1/3 lb. Frisco Burger (Hardee's)
4. Beef and Chedder Melt (Arby's)
5. Big Bacon Classic (Wendy's)


5 Things to See at the George Eastman House International Museum of Photography and Film in Rochester, New York

1. An eighteenth-century camera obscura
2. One of two Giroux daguerreotype cameras in North America, produced in 1839
3. A lunar orbiter camera developed for NASA
4. Speed Graphic camera used for the '45 photograph of the Iwo Jima flag raising
5. One of the largest collections of American cameras in the world


4 Best Lists on this Blog Posting So Far

1. 5 Great Short Stories
2. 5 Immensely Satisfying Food Orders at US Chain Restaurants and Fast Food
3. 10 Great Driving Songs
4. 5 Things to See at the George Eastman House International Museum of Photography and Film in Rochester, New York


5 Underrated Sitcoms

1. WKRP in Cincinnati
2. Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist
3. King of the Hill (As underrated, that is, as a show can be that's been on for 11 years)
4. Strangers with Candy
5. Taxi (the Andy Kauffman aspect isn't underrated, but the rest of the show is)


10 Great Recurring TV Characters
(Note: these aren't supporting characters, but rather occasional characters. If you come across any of these characters while flipping through the channels, quickly hit record on your TiVo or VCR, it's a guaranteed great episode.):

1. Nick Tortelli (Cheers, as played by the insanely underrated Dan Hedaya)
2. Adam (Northern Exposure, Adam Arkin)
3. Richard Lewis (Curb Your Enthusiasm, as himself)
4. Col. Flagg (M*A*S*H*, Edward Winter)
5. Miss Goddard, the sex-crazed town librarian (Newhart, Kathy Kinney)
6. J. Peterman (Seinfeld, John O'Hurley)
7. Newman (Seinfeld, Wayne Knight)
8. Ernest T. Bass (The Andy Griffith Show, Howard Morris)
9. Ralph Wiggum (The Simpsons)
10. Officer Shiflett, (Newhart, Todd Susman)


I'll be back soon with more, including the lists of my 5 best friends and my 10 favorite/least favorite relatives.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Moeller TV Listings 7/12/06 - by Aaron Moeller

Really short notice here, but: Tune in to ESPN right now (7ish CST) if you're already missing basketball (or All Star games). They're airing the WNBA All Star game. This is, no doubt, exciting basketball, the prime showcase for the league, and perfect if you want to watch sports on TV without all the commercials for male sexual dysfunction.

Also, Stephen Colbert guests tonight on Late Night with Conan O'Brien (11:35 CST). I don't know if this has ever been specifically mentioned on this blog, but The Colbert Report is the funniest show on TV. It airs Monday through Thursday on Comedy Central at 10:30 CST. Colbert will surely also be pushing his newest film Strangers with Candy, a remake of the classic and underrated Comedy Central sitcom of the same name.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Midsummer Classic '06 - by Aaron Moeller

I caught Bud Selig getting interviewed yesterday morning on Mike and Mike's ESPN Radio show. The baseball commissioner was asked (as always) about the current chances of Pete Rose being reinstated to baseball. His response was actually pretty tempered. Selig used to answer with a generic but definitive "Pete Rose accepted a lifetime ban and I see no reason to change that" line, but this time he acknowledged "there are strong opinions on both sides" and actually gave the impression (to me, at least) that he is softening on the issue.

Of course, I've long maintained now that Pete has admitted his fault, it's only a matter of time before he's reinstated. There was a lot of hullabaloo and mock outrage when Rose first admitted guilt two years ago because people felt that by publishing a book to admit his guilt he was being opportunistic and had "overshadowed" that year's Hall of Fame class. But a few years from now, no one will remember that. Selig's reaction yesterday convinced me it's already happening, the wheels are in motion. Let's remember that Rose's admittance of guilt was largely orchestrated by Rose's former teammates Mike Schmidt and Joe Morgan meeting with Selig and trying to engineer the best way for Rose to bring everything into the open. It doesn't take a genius to see what happened. Public opinion had been suggesting all along that all would be forgiven if Rose came clean, but the way in which he did it ended up causing a firestorm of bad publicity and now Selig has his hands tied. I legitimately believe Selig wants to reinstate Rose but is waiting for public support to come back around, which even a Rose hater must admit will inevitably happen. We are a forgiving people.

What troubles me though is that Selig mentioned that he had met with Bart Giamatti's son and Hollywood actor, Marcus, on Sunday (note: his other son is the more famous actor, Paul) who was in Pittsburgh to play in the Celebrity All Star Softball game. According to Selig, the Giamattis want to make sure their father's legacy is protected by whatever happens in this case. Why is the Giamatti family convinced their father's legacy can only be preserved by Pete Rose staying out of baseball? I can't help but keep feeling that the commissioner's death mere days after Rose's initial suspension is working against Pete. It was suggested at the time that stress over the Rose case helped bring about Giamatti's death, as though somehow it was Pete's fault that Giamatti smoked two packs a day. You'd think it'd be enough they have Fay Vincent arguing against Charlie Hustle. Vincent - who had zero respect as the next baseball commissioner and has no public role now except to show up on TV every six months running down Rose. You'd think that would be enough? But of course it isn't, and so Bud Selig gets asked about it every time a microphone is put in front of him. And Vincent keeps getting his name recycled.

As the steroid issue has muddied our view of baseball greatness, a manager who bet on his team to win 20 years ago looks better by the day, but unfortunately, Pete, who's come clean and lives a dedicated life as a positive baseball ambassador, has only a dead man to argue it with.


***


But while we're on the subject, I can't help but think of where Pete is probably most missing out - the chance to play in the ESPN All Star Celebrity Softball Game with his fellow 60-something former peers, not to mention Dean Cain and Jimmy Kimmel's cousin Sal. What a game it was last night. Did anyone else notice that former Steeler great Franco Harris still looks exactly like Gabe Kaplan?

I have a pitch to make: Because it's hardly more stupid than using the All Star game to determine home field advantage in the World Series, let's have home field determined by the celebrity softball game. And not just because the National League won this year and that's really their only prayer any more.

Anyway, on to my running commentary of the 77th Major League Baseball All Star Game from PNC Park in Pittsburgh...


***


Opening (7:00 CST) - The FOX telecast begins with a montage of various, random Americans seeing shooting stars streak across the sky. "This is the place to see stars shine - Pittsburgh." There was a lot of talk in the All Star buildup about how homeruns are up again in baseball this year and most of the theories out there are the usual suspects - smaller ballparks, tighter baseballs, the Reds bullpen...

I'm a big baseball fan but it actually feels like I've missed a lot of All Star games through the years, whether it was back when we had Little League games on Tuesday nights or when I was working nights. As a Reds fan, I'm excited we're in the hunt this year, but too pessimistic to care about the World Series home field advantage aspect. That being said, there's only one Reds representative, starting pitcher Bronson Arroyo and he started on Sunday, so I don't expect to see him tonight. The Reds had a number of borderline candidates, including Adam Dunn, Ken Griffey Jr., Aaron Harang, David Ross and my new favorite player, Brandon Phillips, but I wasn't shocked, or even too broken up, that none of them made it. It's funny how last year when the Reds were already out of it at the break, I remember being really excited that Felipe Lopez made the team. I guess I wanted to care about something.

Starting lineups - They introduce the players on the field, starting with the reserves, most of whom play for the Chicago White Sox. Robinson Cano? If he's there, Brandon Phillips should be. Scott Kazmir of the Devil Rays looks like an 8th grader. No surprise - the biggest cheers are for hometown players Freddy Sanchez and Jason Bay. I detect a few boos for Derek Jeter and a few more for Alex Rodriguez.

The National Anthem - Carrie Underwood, FOX TV star and one of America's favorite karaoke singers delivers a nice version of the song. Nevertheless, it falls far beneath the new gold standard established by Destiny's Child, who
sang the hell out of it
at the NBA All Star Game last February.

7:34 - FOX sure does have a lot of new shows premiering this fall. Is there another half hour in the whole of the calendar TV broadcast year that has more commercials than the All-Star pregame show?

7:41 - Game still hasn't started yet. Maybe there's still a chance for Brandon Phillips to be named as an injury replacement.

First pitch - A Brad Penny strike to Ichiro Suzuki. Tim McCarver describes Penny's fastball as being "heavy" and "boring". This is the first time I've heard a fastball described as boring, but sure enough it's boring as hell.

1st inning - Penny is a legitimate revelation. He strikes out the side throwing nothing but 97-99 mph fastballs. The Mets' Carlos Beltran gets the game's first hit in the bottom of the inning, a one out double. The camera catches Bronson Arroyo in the dugout joking around with Nomar Garciaparra and plotting his move to L.A. as a free agent in 2007.

2nd inning - Vladimir Guerrero hits an opposite field solo shot. They shoot off fireworks in Pittsburgh - a National League city. Why not? The Pirates won't be anywhere near the World Series. I still can't believe this game counts for something. In the bottom of the inning, the Mets' David Wright, who's scheduled as a guest on Letterman tomorrow night, ties the game with a line drive homer.

3rd inning - Albert Pujols makes the defensive play of the game, barehanding a hard hit, bad hop groundball. Buck and McCarver cut to their field reporter who tells us that Ichiro should easily get 200 hits again this year. How did televised sports survive before sideline reporters?

In the bottom frame, FOX scores the coup of the night, telecast-wise. Buck and McCarver are interviewing NL manager Phil Garner as Beltran inexplicably swipes third base with two outs and Pujols batting. No manager in the world would send Beltran in that situation, including Garner, who just got done telling us he's not bothering with signs tonight - everybody's on their own. Then Beltran scores on a wild pitch. Classic. This is normally where a broadcaster would have been calling Garner a genius.

4th inning - Nothing of note happens. I check the TV Guide and realize I'm missing Plastic Surgery Nightmares on E!

After the 4th inning, they stop the game for a ceremony on the field honoring Hall of Famer and former Pirate great, the late Roberto Clemente. His family is there and it's a very touching ceremony. AL manager Ozzie Guillen is shown on camera numerous times with tears running down his face. (I can't help but notice Bud Selig does the George W. Bush trick when he's being introduced. In this instance, he's announced with Clemente's widow, Vera, so the crowd won't boo him, just like Bush does with war veterans.

5th inning - Last year, Chris made note on this site that nothing makes him more nervous as a baseball fan than when a guy from his team is pitching in the All Star game. Nobody wants their guy to be the Atlee Hammaker who gets bombed, can't get anybody out and blows it for the whole league. I have the same dire fear as Bronson Arroyo takes the mound. Joe Buck (whose voice I heard is like velvet mixed with peanut butter) tells us about Arroyo's rock and roll ambitions. After a scoreless inning (whew!), FOX cues a video outro of Arroyo playing his guitar, accompanied by a saxophonist, and singing "Wonderwall" by Oasis. This is by far the highlight of the night. Still a 2-1 National League lead.

6th inning - With two outs in the bottom of the inning, following a number of hard hit balls, sharp defensive plays and pitchers throwing nothing but strikes, Albert Pujols flies out to the track. This has been a very crisp, well-played game. The Pittsburgh fans aren't getting any fireworks, but this is great baseball.

7th inning - Buck and McCarver interview Rhon Wright, father of David. Man, does FOX and baseball want this guy to be a star, or what?. You can already tell they're looking ahead, thinking the Mets will be in the World Series. In the bottom of the inning however, the Golden Boy hits into a double play. This game is flying along.

8th inning - Joe Mauer, the rare catcher who's chasing a batting crown, bats for the first time. Buck and McCarver start comparing him to the greatest catchers who ever lived. He promptly strikes out. The pitching staffs are the stars of this game. FOX interviews David Wright himself, who has an irratatingly bright smile. Move over, A-Rod and Jeter, there's a new pretty boy in town. In the bottom frame, BJ Ryan strikes out mosquito-like shortstop David Eckstein.

Let's take a moment here to consider the career of Padres reliever Trevor Hoffman, one time Cincinnati Reds farmhand and as best I can claim, the last remaining big leaguer who played for the Cedar Rapids Reds (not that Buck and McCarver mentioned that). Hoffman has the best save percentage in the history of baseball. He's second all-time in saves, only 18 behind Lee Smith...

9th inning - Hoffman pitching. Two quick outs on dinky comebackers. Then: Paul Konerko singles. Troy Glaus - a ground rule double. Michael Young, Rangers secondbasemen, follows with a triple to right-center and the NL lead is gone. 3-2 AL. The NL gets a baserunner in the bottom of the inning but leave him at 2nd base.

The city of Pittsburgh - all of the National League - is stunned. But I'm a Cincinnati Reds fan, so I'm used to losing like this. This is what happens when you turn it over to the "blowpen". Easy come, easy go. Alright, enough of this interleague garbage, let's get back to our pennant races...

The second half awaits and... can you believe it? Nearly everybody's still in it...

Go Reds!!!

Monday, July 10, 2006

World Cup Fever Finally Breaks - by Aaron Moeller

I can't say I watched it but it appears the World Cup came down to a pretty exciting conclusion with Italy besting France yesterday in Germany. The final score was 5-3, which would normally be like a 31-18 baseball game, but it's misleading in this case because it was a 1-1 tie for most of the game. The final score was inflated because they had a bunch of penalty kicks after someone evidently decided the clock had finally counted up high enough and they should probably start wrapping things up.

The most popular highlight on the news today, however, is a clip of French captain Zinedine Zidane head-butting an Italian player, who it's now reported called Zidane a "dirty terrorist". The Italian player, Marco Materazzi, denies it, saying "It is absolutely not true, I did not call him a terrorist. I'm ignorant. I don't even know what the word means." This is a pretty weak defense, but even so, the comment hardly justifies a head-butt. Judging from the number of articles online today, this is a very big deal in the soccer world. Zidane, the son of Algerian immigrants, is considered a legendary player and this was his final game. I suppose it's akin to if Michael Jordan had been tossed from Game 7 of his last NBA Final.

Despite the head-butt, Zidane was awarded the FIFA Golden Ball Award today as the outstanding player of the World Cup. Materazzi was similarly awarded the FIFA Iron Nuts Award for receiving the head-butt and getting right back up to play without even waiting for the usual stretcher that makes continual appearances during every soccer game.

I don't know much about soccer but Zidane received a red card for the head-butt, which is apparently even worse than getting the Community Chest card in Monopoly that says you have to pay $150 for school tax. There were also reports that Zidane head-butted him because the Italian had - no joke - "tweaked his nipple", which everyone knows is illegal because you're not supposed to use your hands.

By all accounts, this was a gripping, dramatic, memorable World Cup filled with close games and tons of emotion, but after hearing about numerous penalty kicks (and having watched the game in which the U.S. was ousted by Ghana following a controversial penalty kick), I can't help but think that soccer, like French nipples, needs some tweaking. It's simply too hard to score in regulation soccer and too easy to score on penalty kicks.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Another Week at the Helm - by Aaron Moeller

This is Chris' brother Aaron, back again after a few months to once again add some variety and fresh perspective to the Chris Moeller Archives. My first experience here was a good one. We had a lot of fun together, you and me - some laughs, some tears. There were a few regrets and some unusual odors, but mostly it was good - and all good things must end. I think you'd agree that when that week was over, you were as ready as I was to give the reins back to Chris and his romance advice column (or whatever he does when I'm not here.)

It was also, I believe, something of a success, was it not? Once I figured out how to link to other (far more interesting) websites, there was really no way I could fail. This time I plan to add a weekly podcast, just as soon as I find out what a podcast is.

There have been some odd rumors floating around as to why Chris is taking some time off and I want to reassure the friends of this site that I have no idea where my brother is, but I am absolutely positive it has nothing to do with the murders of Virgil Sollozzo nor Police Captain McCluskey that occured last week in a Brooklyn pasta joint. At the request of our father, I have volunteered to take time away from my most recent project - planning the relocation of our family olive oil business to Nevada - so that I can keep the blog ship running smoothly. (Did I mention I was "at the helm"? - just making sure I don't mix metaphors here.) Our brother Fredo was unavailable to fill in as he is busy schmoozing with Moe Green in Las Vegas and securing our gaming licenses.

Let's get crunked up, bloggers!!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

On the road again

It's high time I told you about my car. It's a 1995 Pontiac Grand Prix purchased "used" two days after Mark McGwire hit his 70th home run in '98. (Like Sammy Sosa, somebody else had already been there.) It's tricked-out in green paint (some say blue,) a metal-like grill, and round, rubber tires. The salesman had dialed the odometer back to 60,000 miles when I purchased it, and I've piled on another 100,000 miles myself-- most of them between here and the Missouri border on trips for fireworks.

The front passenger side panel is dented and misshapen, and can't be fixed for less than $600. It has a slow oil leak. (The engine, not the front passenger side panel.) The hood frequently won't open. There's a short in the starter, leaving me periodically stranded for 10 minutes-at-a-time. The driver's door won't lock and you have to lift violently on the handle to get it to open from the outside. The front passenger's door won't open at all from the outside. The A/C compressor conked out this spring, and can't be fixed for less than $800. If the car is being driven between 20 and 40 mph, the shocks make it sound as if a child, or a Mickey Rooney-sized adult, is being held captive in the trunk. The knob on the radio is broken off, and as of just last weekend, the tape player won't play either regular cassettes or the tape for the CD player. The windshield wipers-- like my emotions-- too easily come unfastened, and the wiper fluid pump is broken, leaving the reservoir terminally untapped.

And still she looks pretty good, and keeps pedaling down the highway. It goes to show that, like elderly humans, a lot of pieces can break off on the exterior, but that doesn't mean the engine has to stop pumping. Plus, it has a secret cupholder.

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Today, I saw a state of Iowa license plate in the black and gold colors of the University of Iowa. Not uncommon, but the always distinct number on the plate of this particular dark pickup read "ALUMNI." My first thought was-- Wow, this guy must have really had to hustle to get what I think would be a very frequently requested vanity ID. But then my second thought was-- who is the other person in the family who graduated from Iowa? This pickup doesn't look like "the family vehicle." Did he really mean to say "ALUM-NUS," implying only himself as a U of I grad? Are you the person who owns this license plate? If so, let me know your original intent. Meet me at the west Younkers entrance of Valley West Mall Saturday morning at 10.

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Today, LA Times columnist Patt Morrison (the extra 't' is for thought-provoking) laments the destruction done to America's automotive pop culture by outrageous gas prices. It's simply another reminder that nothing lasts forever. What will happen to institutions like NASCAR and... um... the other race car leagues... when that last gallon of gasoline finally burns into the atmosphere. I'll tell you what-- the guys in the pit crew will finally be allowed to prove their athleticism by helping to push.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

"Ruthlessness, callousness, and arrogance don't belong here"

Ken Lay has left us in a better manner than he deserved, spending his final hours with family at a vacation home in Aspen before he had the opportunity to rot away in federal prison. But the corporate culture he helped to foster-- if not create-- marches on, thanks in part to the indifference-- if not the outright support-- of the huddled masses. Al Swearingen speaks.

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It's rare for Americans to have the opportunity to hear from Hugo Chavez in his own words, but The Progressive has an interview with the populist Venezuelan president in their July issue.

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Five different people at work showed up with severe sunburns today. What could Chavez do to aid this country during our lotion shortage?

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Bookmark Richard Roeper's page at Sun-Times.com this week for excerpts from his forthcoming book, "Sox and the City." It looks like a colorful read.

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Roeper's television meal ticket, Roger Ebert, is in stable condition and improving every day after undergoing emergency surgery, according to a statement issued by his wife, Chaz. She writes also, "I am asking you to pray for Roger during this period of recovery and to visualize him being enveloped in healing light."

"Roger would also want you to go to the movies," her statement continues, "He gives you permission to see even those movies which don't have his personal 'Thumbs up.'"

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On Friday, "Sopranos" cast members Tony Sirico and Steven Van Zandt became the final key actors to come to agreement on contracts for the show's 7th and final season beginning in January, but does that mean that their characters, Paulie Walnuts and Silvio Dante, still won't get whacked?

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The Cardinals sure could use a Matt Morris in their rotation right about now.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

A Very Mencken Fourth

I've begun reading a book entitled "Mencken's America," a collection of writings by early 20th Century journalist and essayist H. L. Mencken.

The son of immigrants, Mencken was, first and foremost, a cultural critic of the United States-- critical of the nation's Puritanism and religious fundamentalism, its prejudice toward baffoons as candidates for public office, and its virtually sacred preoccupation with commerce. His heyday of social influence overlapped the women's suffrage movement, Prohibition, the Scopes Monkey Trial, and the birth of Hollywood, all of which he chronicled at length. And despite his typically vicious verbal assault on his home country, he remained, by his own account, "chauvinist" and "loyal" to this "Eden of clowns," and challenged any and all dissenters to debate there's a better show to be had anywhere in the world.


I offer a few choice Mencken passages on "Eden's" 230th birthday:

On America's prejudice and passion, "No sense of abstract justice seems to reside in the soul of the American. A mob man in his ways of thinking, he shows all of the mob's sentimentality, suggestibility, credulity, irascibility, bad sportsmanship and lust for cruelty. On the one hand, the United States is probably the only country in Christendom in which Christ might reappear and preach to the people without danger from the police; and on the other hand, it is the only country, save perhaps England, in which utter social and political extinction is the portion of the man who departs in the slightest from the current fashions in morals, theology, political theory or dress."


On America's Puritanism, "Every one of (the American's) great political movements has been a moral movement; in almost every line of his literature there is what Nietzsche used to call moralic acid; he never thinks of great men and common men, of valuable men and useless men, but only of good men and bad men. And to this moral way of thinking he adds a moral way of acting. That is to say, he feels that he is bound to make an active war upon whatever is bad, that his silence is equivalent to his consent, that he will be held personally responsible, by a sharp-eyed, long-nosed God, for all the deviltry that goes on around him. The result, on one hand, is a ceaseless buzzing and slobbering over moral issues, many of them wholly artificial and ridiculous, and on the other hand, an incessant snouting into private conduct, in the hope of bringing new issues to light."


On America's sexuality, "His cities reek with prostitution; his newspapers devote enormous space to matters of amour; his one permanent intellectual exercise is the exchange of obscene and witless anecdotes. Recognizing this weakness himself, he makes elaborate efforts to armor himself against it. No other civilized white man is so full of hypocritical pruderies. He is afraid of all 'suggestion,' as he calls it, in books, pictures and plays. He cannot look at a nude statue innocently; he cannot even imagine a nude woman innocently. Words and images that have no more effect upon a German or a Frenchman than the multiplication table are subtly salacious to the American, and lead him into evil. He is forbidden to kiss his girl in the public parks because he cannot be trusted to stop at kissing... The ordinances of all his large cities embody a specific denial that he has kidneys; he is afraid to face squarely the commonplaces of physiology. A man eternally tortured by the animal within him, a man forever yielding to brute passion and instinct, his one abiding fear is that he may be mistaken for a mammal."


On America's evangelical clergy, "What one mainly notices about these ambassadors of Christ, observing them in the mass, is their colossal ignorance. They constitute, perhaps, the most ignorant class of teachers ever set up to lead a civilized people; they are even more ignorant than the county superintendents of schools. Learning, indeed, is not esteemed in the evangelical denominations, and any literate plowhand, if the Holy Spirit inflames him, is thought to be fit to preach... His body of knowledge is that of a street-car motorman or a movie actor. But he has learned the cliches of his craft and he has got him a long-tailed coat, and so he has made his escape from the harsh labors of his ancestors, and is set up as a fountain of light and learning."


On America's pastime, "Baseball escapes from (a) general ban (on sporting immorality) for two reasons: the first is that its essential immorality, as an expression of joy, is covered up by its stimulation of a childish and orgiastic local pride, a typically American weakness, and the second of which, flowing from the first, is that it offers an admirable escape for that bad sportsmanship and savage bloodlust which appear in all the rest of the American's diversions. An American crowd does not go to a baseball game to see a fair and honest contest, but to see the visiting club walloped and humiliated. If the home club can't achieve the walloping unaided, the crowd helps-- usually by means no worse than mocking and reviling, but sometimes with fists and beer bottles. And if, even then, the home club is drubbed, it becomes the butt itself, and is lambasted even more brutally than the visitors. The thirst of the crowd is for victims, and if it can't get them in one way it will get them in another."


On American freedom, "All of (the American's) thinking is done, and most of his acts are done, not as a free individual but as one of a muddled mass of individuals. When the impulse to function seizes him, he does not function and have done, but looks about him for others who yearn to function in the same way. In two words, he is a chronic joiner. He does not stand for something; he belongs to something. And whether that something be a political party, a trades union, a fraternal order or a church, it quickly reduces him to the condition of an automaton, so that in a short while his opinions and acts become nothing more than weak reflections of its opinions and acts... The American's one true exercise of the infinite freedom he boasts of is revealed in his creation of innumerable and complex aristocracies. He must have lords to look up to; he must have bosses to lead him; he must have heroes to admire. The one guide he distrusts eternally is his own unfettered spirit."

Monday, July 03, 2006

Independence Day thoughts

While it's important to take time out on the holiday to rejoice that we still have a Supreme Court willing to limit the executive branch's despicable tendency toward torture, and it's also pleasurable to spend the day mocking hypocritical and drug addicted radio broadcasters for their confiscated bottles of "shock and awe erectile launchers"--- I believe it's equally important that we all take a somber reminder of why Independence Day means so much. Take the time to read.

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It's hard to believe but these two people are made up essentially of the same biological material.

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ESPN baseball analyst Peter Gammons underwent emergency surgery last week at a hospital in Boston. "Peter is resting comfortably after surgical repair of a brain aneurysm," his wife, Gloria, said in a statement, "We appreciate all of your good wishes and ask that you keep Peter in your thoughts and prayers."

If you're like me, you read about Gammons' operation and asked yourself-- Peter Gammons has a wife?

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If Phil Hartman were still around, I believe he would be doing such great projects. He was a gifted performer and he had terrific taste, and those two traits don't always go hand-in-hand. Part of me believes that the "sitcom" died along with him.

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The real winners of last week's NBA draft-- the league itself, its 30 teams, and its cash cow developmental league subsidized in part by American taxpayers-- Division I college basketball. The losers are the legal adults beneath the league's new age minimum requirement that, instead of being drafted and leveraged to earn their fortunes, are granted the alternatives of either relocating to Europe or being enslaved by millionaire collegiate coaches and boosters while receiving neither financial compensation nor a legitimate college education.

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Quote of the day: Blogger Ken Levine-- "If Kevin Spacey really wanted to kill Superman, he would force him to watch 'Beyond the Sea.'"