The Chris Moeller Archives

On the road again

It's high time I told you about my car. It's a 1995 Pontiac Grand Prix purchased "used" two days after Mark McGwire hit his 70th home run in '98. (Like Sammy Sosa, somebody else had already been there.) It's tricked-out in green paint (some say blue,) a metal-like grill, and round, rubber tires. The salesman had dialed the odometer back to 60,000 miles when I purchased it, and I've piled on another 100,000 miles myself-- most of them between here and the Missouri border on trips for fireworks.

The front passenger side panel is dented and misshapen, and can't be fixed for less than $600. It has a slow oil leak. (The engine, not the front passenger side panel.) The hood frequently won't open. There's a short in the starter, leaving me periodically stranded for 10 minutes-at-a-time. The driver's door won't lock and you have to lift violently on the handle to get it to open from the outside. The front passenger's door won't open at all from the outside. The A/C compressor conked out this spring, and can't be fixed for less than $800. If the car is being driven between 20 and 40 mph, the shocks make it sound as if a child, or a Mickey Rooney-sized adult, is being held captive in the trunk. The knob on the radio is broken off, and as of just last weekend, the tape player won't play either regular cassettes or the tape for the CD player. The windshield wipers-- like my emotions-- too easily come unfastened, and the wiper fluid pump is broken, leaving the reservoir terminally untapped.

And still she looks pretty good, and keeps pedaling down the highway. It goes to show that, like elderly humans, a lot of pieces can break off on the exterior, but that doesn't mean the engine has to stop pumping. Plus, it has a secret cupholder.

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Today, I saw a state of Iowa license plate in the black and gold colors of the University of Iowa. Not uncommon, but the always distinct number on the plate of this particular dark pickup read "ALUMNI." My first thought was-- Wow, this guy must have really had to hustle to get what I think would be a very frequently requested vanity ID. But then my second thought was-- who is the other person in the family who graduated from Iowa? This pickup doesn't look like "the family vehicle." Did he really mean to say "ALUM-NUS," implying only himself as a U of I grad? Are you the person who owns this license plate? If so, let me know your original intent. Meet me at the west Younkers entrance of Valley West Mall Saturday morning at 10.

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Today, LA Times columnist Patt Morrison (the extra 't' is for thought-provoking) laments the destruction done to America's automotive pop culture by outrageous gas prices. It's simply another reminder that nothing lasts forever. What will happen to institutions like NASCAR and... um... the other race car leagues... when that last gallon of gasoline finally burns into the atmosphere. I'll tell you what-- the guys in the pit crew will finally be allowed to prove their athleticism by helping to push.

posted by CM @ 7:36 PM