The Chris Moeller Archives

The cycle ends

You might recall from a previous post that I've been having washing machine problems. When the rotation begins, the unit shakes violently and the emanating noise measures in pitch and volume nearly equal to that of a space shuttle launch.

The repairman was out to the house Friday, and his professional prognosis was a dire one. Let's see if I can relate accurately what he told me, a mere layman: the clothes bin rests on three hydraulic shock supports that balance it and give it the spin and centrifugal force needed to keep my clothes sudsy clean and help keep the general odor of my person passable for discerning members of the opposite sex. One of the three supports came unhinged, causing both a wildly uneven spin and the hideous noise. During the ensuing melee, a second support had been busted and the third one bent. To repair the machine, the labor cost alone would be upwards of $800. After I quickly agreed with the repairman's inference that such an investment would be unwise, he counseled that the best course of action would be to keep the machine in as comfortable a position as possible, confine visits of friends to a precious few, and pre-order the funeral arrangements.

Because I'm thrifty, my immediate thoughts drifted to any and all alternatives to buying a new machine, which previous research suggested might run in the neighborhood of $1200. You see, a major issue with the price tag is that my current arrangement and the allowable space is for a stackable washer/dryer combo. The dryer still spins like a dream and evaporates moisture like a motherfucker, but since its conjoined sibling is a terminal case, that seemingly makes it a terminal determination for both.

Or is it? I have a clothes washing problem only. If I can just get them wet, I can easily get them dry. I do have options. First, there's the public laundromat, site of so many past visits, but I hate to go back. Leaving public machines behind was my personal triumph of 2007, and also I parted with them under harsh words. There's the local dry cleaner, and I've heard tell of a newfangled process called Martinizing, but this still results in the away-from-home inconvenience, and I'm not sure I can envision my socks and my oh-so-delicates in one of those plastic bags. No, the only alternative is some old-fashioned bathtub washin'.

The repairman wasn't gone three minutes before I was searching online for 'how-to's and helpful hints on hand-washing clothes. The web experts all seemed to agree this was a feasible option. It won't hurt your tub. It's a very "green" alternative actually. (In fact, I could probably organize a Des Moines eco-laundry cooperative.) The use of rubber gloves would probably be a good strategy, they say, to protect my hands, and that's no problem. I've got hundreds of those. And the machine impact on your clothes can be closely replicated by hand. It just requires more time and a lot more effort.

When I was a kid, the family kitchen was decorated with old-fashioned bath and kitchen devices. An old churn of some kind sat high upon the shelf. I think there was a small handsaw hanging from the wall, and I know for sure there was a washboard hanging next to the "old-timey" telephone. I should investigate the current whereabouts of that washboard as I'm not sure how easy a new one would be to find in stores. If you look up the Wikipedia page for washboards-- and this is true- here, I'll show you-- there's just a one-paragraph description under the heading "The washboard used for laundry." Then there's nine paragraphs for "The washboard used as a music instrument." The washboard is just about the most anachronistic musical instrument that one can name, yet how sad is it that the device is even more anachronistic when used for its original purpose? Very, I guess.

Oh well, I've rarely been described as "cutting edge." Or am I actually right at the very tip of the sharp precipice? After all, the eco-laundry in Portland, Maine calls itself "The Washboard," and you know how cool people in Portland, Maine are. My summer loads are light anyway, and I'm committing to at least giving this the old college try. As a modern appliance, the washing machine has to be considered a luxury of the Western world, right? Not a necessity. Now I'm gonna prove it. This is not a tragedy, it's an opportunity. I mean it's a washing machine, right? It's not a television.

posted by CM @ 6:49 PM