The Chris Moeller Archives

A St. Louis Rams fan answers your questions

I don't speak for all of us, but I probably do for a couple. Have it at.

First one, how are you feeling now, four days after the non-anesthetized incision performed by Dr. Hairpiece?
Better. Reality is starting to set in. The team is really not any good, and it has been difficult to get excited about it for some time. The Rams' 7-9 record this year is deceiving. They were basically eliminated from playoff contention in November, and at one time had a record of 4 wins and 8 losses. I'm ready for pitchers and catchers to report this year effective Martin Luther King Jr. Day, but a little Blues hockey on FOX Sports Midwest tonight, instead of watching the NFL playoffs, helped to repair my wounded civic pride. (A come-from-behind 4-3 overtime winner against the Canadians!) As the days turn to nights, I find myself increasingly annoyed not at the departure of the Rams, but at the departure of Georgia Frontiere's 1999 Super Bowl trophy. The Los Angeles Rams don't have a Lombardi Trophy of their own, and the idea that St. Louis' rightful-hardware will be on display in Inglewood, California, rather than, say, encased in glass attached to a pendulum swinging between the two elephant legs of the Gateway Arch is aggravating.

What else sticks in your craw?
ESPN and Sports Center. Nobody considers these guys actual journalists, but they don't need to be in the business of organizing pep rallies either. The set of "Sports Center Los Angeles" (that's what the late night national telecast is called) on Tuesday was decorated with Ram emblems and electronic banners that read "I Love LA," and featured an in-studio visit from Los Angeles Eric Garcetti. I'm not sure what that cameo-- or the team name, for that matter-- is even about. The team is moving to Inglewood, not Los Angeles, and Kroenke appeared with Inglewood mayor James Butts Jr. during a press conference on Friday in which Hizzoner basically claimed possession of the team, Kroenke almost started crying, and fans in attendance booed mention of the plan to share their new dream house with the Chargers.

It also sticks in my craw that people say St. Louis didn't support this team. The Rams sold out every home game from the team's inception in 1995 through 2006, and then the team embarked on the worst five-season stretch that any team in the NFL has ever experienced at any time going back to 1920. Support for pro football in St. Louis has been off-the-charts remarkable. This past year it far exceeded what it had been the last year the Rams were in Los Angeles in 1994.

What are you going to do now with your Rams stuff?
A lot of it is already in boxes-- mementos from a brighter football era. On a day-to-day level, the working keepsake is my St. Louis Rams checkbook cover. I guess I'm in the market for a new one, but the lady at the bank gives me a funny look now even when I order a new box of checks. The Isaac Bruce replica jersey is still hanging in the closet, and for cold beverages at home, I routinely use a plastic stadium cup featuring an image of current linebacker James Laurinaitis. I have a sentimental attachment to it because it reminds me of the time I came down with a painful case of Laurinaitis.

How do you think the city of St. Louis will fare?
Let's be honest. This minor evacuation of what basically amounts to a handful of part-time jobs is not a monetary loss for the city of St. Louis. A virtually undetectable decline commenced when the football Cardinals left for Arizona in 1988, and the proposed riverfront stadium would have been the big financial loser. The act of proposing that plan alone-- the architects, surveyors, attorneys, advisors, and engineers-- cost the city $16 million. The loss of an NFL franchise, is a loss of fun, not a loss in capital. In St. Louis, nobody came from out of town for the games, the people in town will spend their entertainment dollars elsewhere, and it was only spending that took place eight days out of the year anyway.

What should be the city's new priority?
The economic priority should be adequately funding the public schools. That was also the case on Monday when an entity still existed that called itself the St. Louis Rams. The Gateway City should also concern itself with, after more than a century, merging the city of St. Louis with St. Louis County, along with eliminating the dozens of little suburban municipal fiefdoms that exist throughout the metropolitan area, and ridding itself of its county prosecutor and what are surely dozens of still-employed racist police officers, but you were probably referring to new sports priorities. Well, I spent a half-hour yesterday on Major League Soccer's Wikipedia page. They have 20 teams currently and say they plan to increase to 24. A trimmed-down, soccer-purposed version of the riverfront project might be a big winner.

Do you wish the Rams well in Los Angeles?
I do not. I hope that they have so little water in Southern California by the end of next summer that Kroenke has to wash his toupee with toilet water and baking soda.


What will you do with your NFL Sundays?
This is going to be easier for me than you might think. The NFL, while in impressive partnership with all four broadcast television networks, has actually not been very accommodating to this fan. In Des Moines, Iowa, I'm lucky if I get to see a Rams game on TV once a year. The team hasn't been marquee enough to be scheduled for a Sunday or Monday night tilt (although I'm sure they will be now), and for a typical noon game on Sunday, I've had my choice between a Chiefs or Broncos game on CBS and a matchup in the NFC North on FOX. The St. Louis Cardinals tend to oblige the fans with a trip deep into the National League baseball playoffs each year, and if they get as far as the League Championship Series, it's already Week 8 of the NFL season. Any time I have left over on Sundays next fall I'll probably spend blogging about the latest off-the-field scandal involving the National Football League.

Who will you root for now, or whom will you root for now?
Um, that's a nobody. And don't think about proposing your team to me as a viable option. Yes, this epic betrayal of a great city is largely the work of just three men-- Stan Kroenke, Roger Goodell, and that "ghastly skin mask" Jerry Jones (fake hair, fake heart, and fake face), but in a secret vote, 28 of the 30 teams approved it, and we can pretty safely assume the two that didn't are the Raiders and Chargers, who were also angling to betray their home cities with a relocation to LaLaWood. (They are rich men, but they are NFL poor.) I get that your Packers are "owned by the fans," and not by one of these soulless corporate leeches, but I don't even want to hear it. Again, I draw your attention back to that relocation vote. Hypocrites.

I do not plan on watching the NFL anymore. Any American with a conscience has already spent some time considering the abandonment of this particular pastime, and that's even if you've never given a hoot about the city of St. Louis. I just have a great new excuse now to follow through with it. I'm still going to watch when the Bengals play the Steelers, however. That shit is insane.

posted by CM @ 8:21 PM