Saturday, October 23, 2010

Who is Ted L. Nancy?

For years I've stored a charming little book on my shelf called "Letters from a Nut." I pick it up and re-read it every year or so. It's a collection of bizarre letters written to various organizations and businesses by a gentleman named Ted L. Nancy and the mostly-sincere responses Nancy received in return. (I don't know how he picks his targets-- The University of Texas at San Antonio, The Woodmark Hotel in Kirkland, Washington, Vice President Al Gore-- it seems quite random.) Nancy's comments, complaints, and requests in his correspondence always rest firmly within the theater of the absurd. My favorite entry each time I read through the book is his letter to the Debbie Reynolds Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas.

Here's an excerpt from that one if you don't already know what Ted L. Nancy is all about...

I am interested in staying at your hotel for one week starting February 21, 1996... I have a dilemma. I look exactly like Abraham Lincoln. How can I be safeguarded so that others don't come up to me and pester me for autographs and pictures with them?... I have tried to alter my appearance- I've had the mole removed- but it is still a nuisance. I have dyed my hair and beard red but no avail. I have even taken the hat off. I still am bothered. People love Lincoln! One guy tried to give me his Lincoln car once, that's how impressed he was. I did not take it, of course. But I have been in the tunnel.

The hotel's chief of operations writes back to say that there should be no problems as the resort is well-accustomed to celebrity guests, then he lists such luminaries as Rip Taylor, June Allyson, Ann Miller, and Donald O'Connor. But in one of his occasional follow-up letters, Ted Nancy expresses disdain for Lincoln ("I am the 16th president of the United States") having been compared to Rip Taylor, though he postures that Taylor "is a terrific entertainer, and (he) has even been sprinkled by his confetti."

Sometimes Ted L. Nancy is wildly misinformed. He writes to boxing promoter Bob Arum:

I was just appalled at the recent news that a planned Schmeling-Holmes fight is in the works. What is going on here? I deplore you, Mr. Arum, do not let this happen. Max Schmeling has to be 85 years old. Has everyone gone insane?... I beg you, Sir, do not allow this fight. Max Schmeling should lead a dignified life as a Coca-Cola executive in Germany. Not a heavyweight contender. Do you think Coca cola should still advertise? Don't you think everyone has heard of this product?

Arum's written response, on "Top Rank Inc." stationary, is priceless.

Jerry Seinfeld wrote the introduction to "Letters from a Nut," explaining that he first came upon a collection of the actual letters on a coffee table at a dinner party. He subsequently came to believe that "Jack L. Nancy," a man otherwise unknown, was at that same party, the only person not laughing him or herself silly and also donning a look of "detached pride," according to Seinfeld's description.

The first book was published in 1997, and three others followed-- "More Letters from a Nut" in '98, "Extra Nutty! Even More Letters from a Nut" in 2000, and now, "All New Letters from a Nut: Includes Lunatic Email Exchanges" from just last month. Through the years, many have believed Seinfeld himself to be the author of these comedic gems, but the truth was revealed by the comedian on "Larry King Live" September 23rd. The writer, Seinfeld says, is actually Barry Marder, who, according to IMDb, is one of the voices on Seinfeld's animated film "Bee Movie" and also appeared as "Man at Bar" during the memorable "Seinfeld" episode "The Invitations." Consult your DVD collection. Yet another comic, Bruce Baum, claims he co-wrote the letters in the first three books with Marder, and Seinfeld, having come to the book only at the time of publishing, is mistaken. As I read more about this online, it seems that the mystery hasn't really been solved at all.

Research it for yourself, and thank you in advance. I remain...
Ted L. Nancy

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