This is only a test
The Cincinnati Reds are giving their fans a unique opportunity to score free tickets to a ballgame at Great American Ballpark next year. On September 30th of this year, U.S. Homeland Security and Cincinnati area disaster response teams will conduct a full-scale simulated terrorist attack training exercise inside the stadium, and they're asking volunteers to come act as fans and be evacuated from the building. Each participant in the simulation will receive a voucher for two tickets to a 2007 Reds game.... That's your setup for the CM Blog's first-ever "Write your own Reds joke" contest. The joke could be something along the lines of "Simulation? Don't Reds fans already evacuate in mass every night after the fifth inning?" Something like that. Punch lines might incorporate such elements as: the team's fading 2006 pennant chances, Pete Rose, Marge Schott, or Marge Schott's dogs. Submit your entries in the comment link below. No limit per person. The man or woman with the best joke submission this week will get zero tickets to a 2007 Reds game. Losers will receive a voucher for two. See, that's another joke.
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Are you like me? Can you never get enough of that geneology fun? If so, then you'll enjoy this updated account of Annie Moore, the first ever immigrant through Ellis Island back in 1892. Her true story is finally being told.
Another true story: my grandfather's grandfather, Johannes Georg Moeller (Moller), was processed into America through New York City's preceeding immigration structure in Battery Park-- Castle Garden, during the time of the Civil War. Georg left Lohlbach, Hessen, Germany as a widower with four young children on November 12, 1861. The family arrived at Atkins, Iowa and the farm of Georg's brother, John, on February 1, 1862. (Like his great-great grandsons a century and a half later, Georg was a twin, though his brother, Johannes Heinrich, died at birth, July 18, 1820.) In the new world, Georg would re-marry and sire six more children (Boo-yah!), the youngest of which was my great-grandfather, Peter. In 1881, upon the death of James Garfield, Georg was inaugurated as the 21st President of the United States.
posted by CM @ 8:32 PM
4 Comments:
Disaster preparedness and evacuation planning is nothing to joke about....
Pete Rose has set the over/under on evacuation time at 14 minutes. Place your bets with him before entering the park.
While they will not be serving alcohol to participants, Ryan Freel has agreed to play the part of the drunk patron.
Unaware of the planned evacuation, Griffey Jr. will be trampled and badly injured as he waits outside the stadium for Pete Rose Jr. to bring him some GBL (steroid alternative).
And finally...
Rose (Sr.) again makes headlines as he refuses to acknowledge the true evacuation and instead holds his own drill in front of a memorabilia store down the street.
Chris's geneology lesson finally explains, once and for all, why Moellers don't have to pay taxes.
Here are my Reds jokes:
1908.
1982.
Also:
Any fans participating in the event get a steroid (NOT an alternative, the real deal) shot in the ass from Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa.
The losers of Chris' joke contest get to become Cards and Cubs fans for the rest of their pathetic lifetimes, allowing them to enjoy a bunch of phony homerun records and hollow memories. Then they get to wait even longer than Pete Rose for their zit-covered, testicle-shrunken heroes to get into the Hall of Fame. Then they burn in hell.
During the next 4-game series vs. the Cubs, Reds fans are being bribed with chances to win a $250,000 prize per game, just to get them to actually come to the ballpark. The real joke is that a Cubs fan will probably win it. Why? Even with this bribe, the Cubs have the only fans loyal (crazy?...drunk?) enough to show up in Cincinnati and watch when their team is all but done for the season.
That said, the evacuation might be a problem. They can’t get Reds fans into Great American Ballpark when the game’s at home… How are they going to get them in on Sept. 30th when the team’s in Pittsburgh?
And here’s a story you might already know: There was this die-hard Reds fan who, while retaliating to a few harmless stings from his brother (a Cardinals fan), and a friend (a Cubs fan) he delivered insults to fans of the Cards and also the Cubs. In doing this, he forgot that he was (up until that point) dating a Cubs fan, and thus, insulted her as well. And for this, he will have only the Reds for the rest of his pathetic lifetime… Then he burns in hell.
~BS~
Did I mention that the Cubs and Cardinals fans would ENJOY burning in hell because it would at least be a welcome diversion from having been Cubs and Cardinals fans in their previous life?
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