The Chris Moeller Archives

Pollish jokes

I have more problems voting. I tipped the damn booth over again today. I just can't get out from behind the curtain without getting my clothes stuck on something or the like.
I'm just kidding. I cast my ballot without incident after work and enjoyed the ritual of democratic participation as much as I always do. I bounced in with eye shades drawn, hair unkempt, and sporting that blue jeans-with-scandals look that I've been pulling off all summer. I filled in four ovals in assorted races, staying mostly within the boxes, and then with great a plumb, cut loose with my standard voting gag. In it, I slip my completed ballot into the server and it makes that zipping noise. The digital counter-- in this case-- goes from 77 to 78, and I shoot a bewildered look at the old ladies working the polls, saying "It counted mine twice. Is that OK?"

They fell for it hard tonight. I immediately let them know I was kidding and did that Fozzie the Bear/Ralph Malph "Hah?... hah?" thing where I smile wide and wait for the laughter to come rolling in. Their reaction this time was pretty muted. The "T through Z" voter roll lady simply said exasperatedly, "No, we don't need any problems like that today." It's a funnier joke at 7am.

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Party primaries are really just depressing. Two-thirds of the races have candidates running unopposed within the party, either because the candidate carries the stench of rank incumbency and entitlement or because party leaders have already made the big decisions on behalf of the rank and file-- in the case of my party, usually leaving us with either a horsethief, dilettante, or shit-for-brains.

As promised, I cast my gubernatorial vote for one of the Last Honest Men, although he disappointed me in the latter days of the race by campaigning as a fringe candidate (when his positions and experience make him thoroughly mainstream,) and refusing to loudly and publicly scold The Des Moines Register newspaper, which single-handedly wrecked his campaign by refusing to treat him as an electorally-viable candidate.

Running unopposed-- and exactly why that is I have no idea, U.S. Representative Leonard Boswell refused to get my vote, and he won't get it in November, either. He's been one of President Bush's Democratic lapdogs, damn near death-- literally-- and AWOL from Congress most of the year. (Is this the best the party can do when the opposition party is trying to give you back the Congress?) Likewise, State Senator Jack Hatch felt my wrath tonight as fallout from his role as top henchman in the John Kerry for President Iowa Caucus fiasco.

I was proud to give my vote for Agriculture Secretary candidate to western Iowa organic farmer Denise O'Brien over Governor Vilsack's lacky, Dusky Terry; and in the battle to replace Ed Fallon in the statehouse from the most-heavily Democratic district in the state (The Fighting 66th!), Tre Wilson-- a Les Nessman look-alike-- took my vote from Ako Abdul-Samad at the 24th hour with a well-timed mailing endorsing Voter-owned Election laws. Power to the people!

Democracy-themed blogging continues tomorrow--- uncensored and not for sale, as always!

posted by CM @ 7:13 PM