The Chris Moeller Archives

Jennifer Wilbanks, will you marry me?

There is a collection of much-vilified, slightly off-center people in this country who, entirely inadvertently, have been doing us all a giant favor. They are the fabricators. Several weeks ago, a woman made up a story about finding a finger in her sandwich at the local franchise of a well-known fast-food chain restaurant. Last week, two young men spun a fictional tale for reporters about how they came to find buried treasure. And then, most recently and famously, a woman faked her own kidnapping to escape her wedding day.
After each instance, a herd of lazy journalists raced into action. Each unsubstantiated report was met by an eager audience in the news media, ready to roll with any outlandish claim hurled from the general citizenry, anxious to blow it completely out of proportion in service to the 24 hour-a-day cable news tail now vigorously wagging the nation's dog.
Thank you, Jennifer Wilbanks, for fleeing your fiancee on the eve of your special day, and for making our nation's fourth estate look so foolish yet again. I'm reminded of that classic M*A*S*H exchange--- Frank Burns: "Why did you do that?" Hawkeye: "To help you look foolish." Burns: "I don't need your help."
I'm now rooting for these stories. If I get to watch the talking twats on CNN attempt to explain away their gullibility three days after jumping headfirst into these "human interest" stories, than watching the initial report is worth my time and energy.

I blame Barbara Walters for the train wreck that is modern American journalism. She's the one who taught the audience how to "feel" the news. Now, Walters-style news is all we get-- celebrity and picture-driven stories designed to tug at our heartstrings. We have stories that affect maybe a hundred people being elevated to equal status with news of Congressional action and the Iraqi war.
How bad has it become? This bad.

I've also taken perverse pleasure this week from watching the people of Duluth, GA look so foolish in their desperate grab for national attention. Do you get the sense like I do that their anger at Wilbanks has more to do with the fact that she's still alive? By coming home safe, she's deprived them of a Dixie edition of the Scott Peterson trial. Let me put this succinctly-- if you are at a vigil for a person you've never met, and you were reasonably assured that television cameras would be at that vigil before you left the house, than you are at that vigil in an attempt to justify your own meaningless existence.

But, you ask, what about the $100,000 spent by the city of Duluth in the search for Wilbanks? Well, it turns out the "Runaway Bride" (clever label) bought a Greyhound bus ticket to Las Vegas seven days before leaving. What kind of six-figure missing person investigation doesn't include a visit to the counter of the local bus terminal? It's utter hysteria by all parties involved.

And just why, exactly, was Wilbanks running away? This is the question everyone's trying to answer. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the groom-to-be is the type of guy who would grant his exclusive first interview after the incident to Fox News' Hannity and Colmes.
Keep running, Wilbanks. Keep running.

posted by CM @ 12:01 AM