The Chris Moeller Archives

Semelroth loses again

When our friend, Keystone, IA native Rob Semelroth, is not boring us with dull public health statistics, he can be found running lengthy foot races. (But what is he running from? Am I right, people?) While finishing fifth in the Des Moines Marathon last fall, Rob's time qualified him for the Boston Marathon, the oldest and most prestigious annual distance race in the world. Today, he ran that race.

Rob signed me up for a slick e-mail service that would deliver race updates to my computer. I was to receive four updates this morning and afternoon. As it turned out it was too slick to be true, as I received only one e-mail. At the 10 kilometer mark though, Rob-- or "Bib 1183," was on a pace just off 6 minutes per mile, with a projected finish time of 2:41:34.
On-line this afternoon, I found his official finish time of 2:41:31-- and you can drop 21 ticks off that time factoring in the staggered start. That's five minutes shorter than the run time of "Pulp Fiction," good for 110th place overall, and a standing in the top 100 for his gender at #99. You can search Rob's numbers on this page.

Among the many other things implied by these race results (such as Rob's fondness for carbohydrates,) I believe we can now make the case, definitively, that Rob-- one of the 100 greatest athletes in the world in his sport at this moment-- has established himself as the most accomplished athlete in the history of Benton Community (IA) High School. Outland Trophy winner Chad Hennings was a great college football player, but never one of the top 100 professional players, and the sport of American football is played almost no where else on the globe. I welcome your comments on this hypothesis, keeping in mind that Rob reads this.

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The "Deadwood" news keeps on a-coming. The West Virginia Surf Report, an amateur website, has calculated the total number of 'fucks' uttered in the HBO series. Season One contained 831 'fucks,' or an average of 69.3 per episode (1.23 per minute.) Season Two, excluding last night's episode for now, has seen a greatly increased rate of 'fucks,' with 688 through the first six episodes , 98.3 per episode (1.84 per minute.) That's a grand total thus far of 1519 'fucks,' or a "cumulative series 'fucks'-per-minute" of 1.45. And a Peabody.

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I keep seeing it in the paper, but I still can't figure it out-- why are they allowing the '84 Cardinals to pick the next pope? No doubt, Ozzie Smith and Bruce Sutter are Hall of Fame ballplayers, but I don't think they're even Catholic. Tito Landrum? Andy Van Slyke? Maybe, I guess, but even the Hispanic guy has a Jewish last name-- David "Green." Tommy Lasorda must be spinning in his grave.

posted by CM @ 6:55 PM