The Chris Moeller Archives

Psychic Suzy

Psychic Suzy is a woman who comes into the radio building every four to six weeks, always on Friday. She stops by to be a sort of novelty guest on the Jan Mickelson program. Psychic Suzy brings candy for the whole office when she visits. After her on-air appointment, she walks through the office, chatting loudly. "Would you like a Kit Kat or an Almond Joy, young man?" she'll say, or "I'm not going to offer you a Snickers, young lady, because I know you're on a diet." People usually respond enthusiastically. They might say, "I'd like a Kit Kat, please, Psychic Suzy."
A year ago, Psychic Suzy told me I would be married before I was 30. I'm down to the last four months to make her dream for me a reality. Today, she told me she had a dream that I gave my earring to her. I'm not sure what that meant. I think she just picks out characteristics on a person's body. (I should have asked her to confirm my Pigskin Picks for the weekend.)
After leaving my area, she went into the bosses' office. He was talking with one of the young salesmen. I heard her say to the boss, "I know you want some candy. Kit Kat or Almond Joy?" He picked something. Then, to the other guy, "I don't know you. You must be selling something?" He said yes. Then she followed with, "You're not a very good closer. You don't close very well." Silence.
After Psychic Suzy left, I teased the guy. I said, "You know, that's a free evaluation." He responded somewhat seriously, "Christ, did she have to say that in front of the boss?"

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"Psychic Suzy" is actually "Suzanna." Her website is www.mediapsychic.com if you wish to schedule a private consultation.

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Overall, it was a good day at work. I also learned how to catch a polar bear. You take a can of peas and set the peas out, one by one, onto the ice. Then when the polar bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.

posted by CM @ 10:10 PM