The Chris Moeller Archives

Shameless Desperate Housewives in a Full House

Ah, the children of the wealthy.

Sorry, I should open the lament this way instead: ah, the wealthy.. and their children…

In one of the biggest and the most peculiar story of March 12, 2019, Hollywood actresses Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin are among the fifty or so “who’s who” that have been charged by federal authorities with racketeering and conspiracy in an alleged bribery scam involving college admissions. A rep for Huffman confirmed that the Desperate Housewives star has been arrested.

Prosecutors explained in a news conference today that some of the children of those charged had received letters from therapists explaining that they had learning disabilities and needed additional time granted in order to complete standardized college entrance exams. For others, there were paid observers that would correct the student’s testing errors. According to reports, Loughlin and her husband agreed to pay bribes totaling half a million dollars in order to get their daughters designated as recruits to the University of Southern California crew team, even though the two girls did not participate in sports. The two actresses are just the biggest names in the prosecutorial haul, but those charged also include CEOs, real estate and security investors, a co-chairman of a global law firm, and Loughlin’s husband, Mossimo Giannulli, a famous fashion designer.

One of my favorite Kurt Vonnegut quotes does not come from one of his books, but through the publication of some of his personal correspondence. I’ve quoted it before. I wrote it down after I first read it. The marvelously talented writer is corresponding with a colleague from IUPUI-- which is Indiana University-Purdue University-Indianapolis. He expresses support for that institution "whose diplomas are not famous for being tickets to establishments of the ruling class... Your students are miles ahead of the Ivy League," he writes, "since they feel no obligation to pretend that America is something it obviously isn't."

The ancient schools of the Ivy League, most explicitly, come from the proud European traditions of elevating and accentuating economic status. Huffman and Loughlin, at least, among those charged, do not come from “old money.” Theirs is new, but they recognize-- and value-- what their money can get for them. Take note of the fact that, even with plenty of money in their pockets to put their kids through college, it was important to these presumably bright people to have their kids reside inside the enormous structural advantage of an elite institution.

Eagle-eyed online browsers have uncovered an old tweet from Huffman that reads ironically now, “What are your best ‘hacks’ for the back-to-school season?” Donald Trump, Jr., the son of the President of the United States, had some fun trolling with that today by re-tweeting it and responding to her: “I’m learning some new ones as we speak. Stay tuned.” Don Jr. is proud of his privileged upbringing. So much so he named his fledgling chain of hotels “Scion” in order to commemorate his good fortune as a descendant of a wealthy, aristocratic, and influential family. His father is believed to have donated at least $1.5 million to the University of Pennsylvania prior to Junior’s enrollment there, and Junior-- before that and now long after-- has no notable working experience in his life other than at his father’s knee.

Conservatives have never had any trouble criticizing the work ethic of those at the bottom of the economic ladder. We’re told by them that the welfare state breeds generations of fixed entitlement, but their definition of “welfare” always seems to be only the economic safety net underneath the disenfranchised. Never the corporate welfare that keep an enormous company like, say, Burger King from paying even a cent of annual tax on the company profit. Very rarely do we hear cultural criticism of the idle rich and their lack of work experience and failure of effort. In fact, cuts in social programs for the poor pay to give them greater cuts in their tax rate. The Trump administration has moved to implement work requirements for programs such as housing assistance and medical assistance, and not only is that a double standard for our nation’s financial handouts, but pressuring the poor to work, through formal policy, arrogantly implies that they are not already working.

These spoiled scions of the wealthy are the ones bleeding us dry as a society, and when we try to recoup our nation’s resource upon the deaths of their sometimes-vulgarly-rich parents, legislators chop us down, working at their employ. It’s hard to think of anything good that can result from the children of the wealthy living off that trust-fund wealth they did nothing to earn, and doing so for generation upon generation, frequently resorting only to the (phrase-once-coined) “WASP rot” of drug addiction and dropout. Our government-- yours and mine-- feels the prerogative to tax estates at a lower rate (4% approximately) than it taxes the money people earn from working (about 17%). Correcting that discrepancy is a solution to the problem. The Russian Revolution offered another one.

The Huffman/Macy children and the Loughlin/Giannulli children could work harder instead to get what they want and have not earned. It’s called a meritocracy, and when I type it in simple language, I realize I’m going to be singing to the choir. It’s only in the mud of the details that this concept ever gets lost to anyone. According to documents, most of the students connected to this grift did not know their admission was the result of a bribe-- so in addition to facing indictments, these parents may have an awkward apology ahead of them in having now publicly embarrassed their children. I’m sure most are even shocked that such a thing would ever be investigated by law enforcement. I admit I’m pleasantly shocked. This bizarre scandal reveals that the perpetrators are not as cultured or savvy as they believe themselves to be. Let’s all take a lesson, regardless of our bank balance: membership has its limitations.

Ma Joad gets the last word. In the film version of The Grapes of Wrath (1940), John Ford’s characterization of Ma is heard to say, in her penultimate moment, “Rich fellas… their kids ain’t no good and die out, but we keep a-comin’… We’ll go on forever, Pa, cos we’re the people.”

posted by CM @ 6:12 PM