The Chris Moeller Archives

"Lies My Blogger Told Me" -- The last cut

Comes word that HBO has finally green-lit a movie from genius writer and producer David Milch that will serve as the two-hour story conclusion to the Peabody-winning series Deadwood, that ran from 2004 to 2006. Milch has a script completed and he has re-assembled the cast to put the finishing touches to a story that ended abruptly more than a decade ago. This is going to be way better than the Will & Grace re-boot.

Deadwood was an obsession of mine at the time it aired, and I wrote quite a lot about it. I helped direct a Moeller Family Reunion to the Black Hills in 2007 because of this series. The original manuscript of Lies My Blogger Told Me contained the following creative writing piece, but removing it was one of the last editing decisions I made. When you read it, you'll see why it was nixed-- I was trying to avoid the dreaded NC-17 rating...


'Cocksucker' University: The Deadwood-to-English dictionary
2/24/06

It took some digging and the further-fostering of a now-bordering-on-dangerous program obsession, but I've pinpointed from on-line sources the tentative DVD release date of HBO's "Deadwood- Season 2." Having been delayed, due to the re-scheduling of Season 3 on the pay-cable network, the discs are now expected to be released May 23rd, just in time for Memorial Day and the debut of the show's new season. 

In advance of your purchase, here's a handy language translation guide so that you might better determine just what in the hell these strange-speaking David Milch creations on "Deadwood" are actually saying... 

Episode 1 excerpt-- 

GOLD PROSPECTOR ELLSWORTH: Now, with that limey damn accent of yours, are these rumors true that you're descended from the British nobility? 
SALOON OWNER AL SWEARINGEN: I'm descended from all those cocksuckers. 
ELLSWORTH: Well, here's to you your majesty. I'll tell you what, I may have fucked my life up harder than hammered shit, but I stand before you today beholden to no human cocksucker, and workin' a payin', fuckin' gold claim. Not the U.S. government sayin' I'm trespassin', or the savage fuckin' red man himself, or any of these limber-dicked cocksuckers passin' themselves off as prospectors had better try to stop me. 
SWEARINGEN: They'd better not try it in here. 
ELLSWORTH: Goddamn it, Swearingen. I don't trust you as far as I could tho you, but I enjoy the way you lie. 
SWEARINGEN: Thank you, my good man. 

Translation: 

ELLSWORTH: Are you descended from British royalty, Al? 
SWEARINGEN: Yes. 
ELLSWORTH: I come from humble stock myself, but I've worked pretty hard to get what I have.
SWEARINGEN: I know that's true.
ELLSWORTH: Here's to you, Al. 
SWEARINGEN: Cheers. 

--- 
Episode 13 excerpt-- 

SWEARINGEN (gesturing to the construction of telegraph poles): Messages from invisible sources. Or what some people think of as progress. 
HIS 'MUSCLE', DAN DOHERTY: Well, ain't the heathens use smoke signals all the way through recorded history? 
SWEARINGEN: How's that a fucking recommendation? 
DOHERTY: Well, it seems to me like a letter posted to another person's just a slower version of the same general idea. 
SWEARINGEN: When's the last time you got a fucking letter from a stranger? 
DOHERTY: Bad news about Pa. 
SWEARINGEN: Bad news. Tries against our interest is our sole communications from strangers, so by all means, let's.. let's plant poles all across the country, festoon the cocksucker with wires to hurry the sorry word, and blinker our judgments and motive, huh? 
DOHERTY: You've given it more thought than me. 
SWEARINGEN: Ain't the state of things cloudy enough? Don't we face enough fucking imponderables? 
DOHERTY: Well, by God, Al, you give the word-- them fucking poles will be kindling. 

Translation: 

SWEARINGEN: I despise the fact that telecommunications technology has arrived in town. Major changes in the community are a disconcerting reminder that my lucrative gambling and prostitution operations won't last forever. 
DOHERTY: I didn't mean to anger you by speaking up. Do you want me to sabotage the construction process? 

--- 
Episode 11 excerpt-- 

HOTELIER E.B. FARNUM (spying through a peephole at a newcomer to town): The man's a charlatan, Richardson. A cheat. A broadtosser, and a clip. I only wonder if the daughter's been in it with him. Or she's his pigeon? 
HIS ASSISTANT, RICHARDSON: May I look, Mr. Farnum? 
FARNUM: Yes. When you've grown a full head of hair. 

Translation: 

FARNUM: I don't trust this visitor, Richardson. 
RICHARDSON: May I look through the keyhole at the man? 
FARNUM: No. 

--- 
Episode 15 excerpt-- 

SHERIFF BULLOCK (to his dead brother's son): Good morning, William. 
WILLIAM: Good morning, Mr. Bullock. You got your gun and badge back. 
BULLOCK: I did. I put them in that basket for you to see. 
WILLIAM: Did you fight that man again? 
BULLOCK: No. We didn't have to fight. 
WILLIAM (gesturing to an acquaintance on the street): That boy's going to Oregon. 
Pause.

BULLOCK: There's a trout. Loiters just downstream there. 
WILLIAM: Boy called him 'Jumbo.' 
BULLOCK: Maybe after work, we can make him pay for his slothful ways. 

Translation: 

BULLOCK: Good morning. 
WILLIAM: Good morning, Seth. I see that you got your gun and badge back. 
BULLOCK: Yes. Notice how I followed through on an earlier promise in an effort to be a positive influence on your life. 
WILLIAM: I'm lonely. There are no other boys to play with in this town. 
BULLOCK: Let's go fishing when I get home from work. 

--- 
Episode 9 excerpt-- 

THE WIDOW ALMA GARRETT: I'm certain Mr. Ellsworth's in very capable hands but I hope you're not disassociating yourself from my affairs. 
BULLOCK: I already got my impression of this fellow, Mrs. Garrett. This meeting is how you form yours. 
GARRETT: I see. 
BULLOCK: Then we'll compare notes and decide how you proceed. 
GARRETT: Fine. 
BULLOCK: For the future point, when you tell me my thinking's so consistently wrong-headed, it's a waste of your valuable time having to deal with me. 
GARRETT (smiles): In any case, I know you have many claims on your attention. 
BULLOCK: A couple. 
GARRETT: Thank you very much. 
BULLOCK: I'd lean more on what I felt about this fellow than what I saw. 

Translation: 

GARRETT: I want to have sex with you, Mr. Bullock. 
BULLOCK: And I want to have sex with you. 
GARRETT: Very good then. 
BULLOCK: I'll clear my schedule, and we'll meet soon in your room.

posted by CM @ 1:25 PM