The Chris Moeller Archives

Christmas mittens

Here's a real-life holiday story to rival O Henry's "Gift of the Magi."

My girlfriend plans to shop for me on Wednesday. On my way to work that day, I notice a new tear in one of my winter gloves. They're already in bad shape and so late in the morning, I text her this gift idea in case she needs one. She responds "haha ok." About an hour later, as I leave work for lunch, I stop to use the bathroom. I place my gloves under my arm and see a man about a horse, as it were.  After washing my hands, I exit the door and reach for my gloves. They aren't there.

My first thought: check my desk. Did I even bring them with me? But the search there proves fruitless. Then I walk back into the bathroom and witness the unpleasant scene. One glove is lying on the floor next to the urinal. I move closer, and yep... there's the other one floating in the urinal. It turns out I don't have as much armpit adroitness as I thought. I gently (and sanitarily) discard both gloves in the trash bin, but not before I briefly consider keeping possession of the one glove that fell to the floor. You see, a blizzard is due in that night, and the snow will have started flying by the time I leave the office at six. I dread the idea of brushing and scraping without hand protection. Even one glove would be handy to have. But I also know that I plan to tell my girlfriend this story one day soon, and I know that if I keep even that one glove, that's the only thing she'll take away from the story when I tell it.

This was three days ago. The blizzard has come and gone, leaving 10 inches of snow in its wake. Christmas is still two days away. Getting new winter gloves has turned from a desperation gift idea into an emergency situation. This story does not yet have an ending. How will it conclude when we gather at the Christmas tree?

The end(?)

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In other news, one day soon we’re going to all be ankle-deep in glitter. It’s slipping out of greeting cards, from wrapping paper, out of scrapbooks, falling off of ladies' faces. It's just too bad it doesn't have a practical purpose like de-icing the roads and sidewalks.

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It’s a valid point that Adam Lanza also could have committed murder with a knife. That’s why I’m also supporting a ban on semi-automatic, self-loading knives with 30 round clips.

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I'm on my way to Moeller Manor for the weekend, then it's off to Texas for four days and four nights.  This will likely conclude my blogging for the calendar year, my eighth in this modest little space. It might seem like I'm stopping early, but I actually considered 2012 to be over the moment my fantasy football team was eliminated from championship contention. Have a jolly Christmas and a bitchin' new year.

posted by CM @ 11:49 AM