The Chris Moeller Archives

What's in a (TV) name?

Run out of blog ideas? Never. How about six of the greatest TV names ever? How did I arrive at the magic number of six? That's all I could think of.

Rule 1) These are all character names that help to define the person. They're all quite colorful, but there are no "nicknames." There's no "Hawkeye," no "Gomer" or "Goober," no "Paulie Walnuts" or "Big Pussy," no "Dot Com."

Rule 2) Many TV names are very distinctive, but excluded here because I find them to be rather pandering to their audience. "Thomas Magnum"-- here's a tough guy private eye named after a gun. I get it. It's no reflection on the show, but that's too easy. Why not just call him "Peter Gunn"? Aha, because that was already taken. "Mork from Ork"? Cute, but "Mork" shares alliteration with "Mindy," and "Ork" simply rhymes with "Mork." I was 15 hundred miles away and two years old at the time, but I feel like I was at the pitch meeting. And "Ralph Malph"? Come on. Another rhymer. Nobody's last name is really "Malph." I'm serious. Google it. Nobody.

Rule 3) I tried to strain out the great names that became great simply because the characters or the actor portrayals were so wonderful. "Archie Bunker" is now an actual type of person. "Ralph Kramden" now seems like a terrific name for a guy with great ambition stuck in the lower middle of American social life. We all know what a bonehead a real-life "Clavin" can be, but nobody walked out of the first filming of a John Ratzenberger "Cheers" episode and said-- "That character "Cliff Clavin" has a great name."

There you have it. Only I fully understand the rules. Most TV character names are just afterthoughts. They're designed to fit snugly, but not get in the way. These six go the furthest above and beyond, says me.

LES NESSMAN: Good ole' WKRP-AM in Cincinnati, Ohio. "With More Music and Les Nessman." "Les Lessman" would have been too cute. "Les Nessman" is just slightly off. The bow-tied, balding radio newsman was rarely seen without a Band-Aid somewhere on his person, and he was probably not a great journalist despite the seeming respect of the agriculture industry. When the Shah of Iran was overthrown, as just one example, he missed the story completely. His lead story that day was about a pig that could do addition and subtraction. As his name suggests, he was a slight man, and often-poignantly inconsequential. In the series' 27th episode, Nessman strikes up a conversation with a co-worker's blonde, hunky beau named Steel Hawthorne. Says Steel: "I like to think that a man's name says a lot about the kind of person he is. What's your name?" Les: "Les." You can't write dialogue that good.

JACK TRIPPER: The history is entirely undocumented, as far as I know, and call me naive, but I choose to believe that the creators of "Three's Company" already had the name of their lead male character picked out when they cast John Ritter in the role. The series was based on the British series "Man About the House," in which the lead character was named Robin Tripp. But there's no evidence (on Wikipedia) that the original character, with two female roommates, was a "klutz," yet with the brilliant Ritter on "Three's Company," the stateside version of the show had itself one of the brilliant comic pratfall artists of all time. For seven seasons, Ritter "tripped" through every swinging door and over every living room couch that ABC set designers could put in front of him.

BEAVIS: When considering the names of the two principals of MTV's "Beavis and Butt-head," one's mind tends to first consider why some parent, or set of parents, would endeavor to name their child "Butt-head." But as far as we know as viewers, this dysfunctional child had no other Christian name. Yet there could have been no "Butt-head" without the perfect name to balance it. I simply love the name "Beavis," which was drawn from the last name of one of creator Mike Judge's college friends. I love the way it rolls off the tongue, its complete lack of sophistication, and most of all, the way it holds up the more outrageous, showy name without drawing attention to itself.

OPRAH WINFREY: In the mid-1970s, an ambitious but unassuming young local news reporter in Nashville, Tennessee named Gail Robinson made the professional decision to change her on-air moniker, and the rest, as they say, is broadcasting history. While watching a re-run of the Marx Brothers' film "Go West" early one morning dressing for work, Gail decided to take the name of her favorite Marx family funnyman, Harpo, spell it backwards, and begin her television ascent armed with the most bizarre, unforgettable name possible. She imagined news directors all across the country leafing through piles of reporter headshots, wondering to themselves, or out-loud, "Let's see here, should I hire this smiling lady named Jessica Payne or this one named Oprah?" The now-legendary TV talker cunningly anticipated the day when all afternoon talk shows would be given one-word titles named after their host.

MEADOW SOPRANO: This is the first one I thought of for this list. I like it not for what it says or means about the character, but what it says about the character's parents that gave her the name. In the first episode of "The Sopranos," we see mafia boss Anthony (Tony) enamored of wild ducks that have taken up residence in his swimming pool. It becomes a running theme of the series to show Tony's spiritually empty life contrasted with his ideals about where he would prefer to fit in the world. We also come to find Meadow's mother Carmela obsessed with classic literature, and intellectually-curious far beyond the stereotype of her social position. It's never referenced or even exactly alluded to, but it's so perfect that two decades before the series begins, Tony and Carmela, probably only subconsciously, gave their daughter not a traditionally-Italian or Roman Catholic name, but instead a rather "pagan" one that could help potentially separate her from her family heritage of criminal activity and the accompanying psychological burden. She was given a slightly-improved chance of escape. Of course by contrast-- and this is no accident-- her younger brother is Anthony Jr.

GOB BLUTH: On "Arrested Development," George and Lucille Bluth's oldest son is a failed magician and ventriloquist, an inveterate liar, a selfish conniver, and his parents' least favorite of their four children. He wants nothing more than the love and respect of his father, but never achieves it. He is officially "George Oscar Bluth II" and so I should probably identify him as "G.O.B." with the periods added, but acquaintances refer to him as GOB, pronounced like the biblical character of Job. The name is constantly being fouled up by others however. Is the 'o' long or short? Does the 'g' make the 'juh' sound or the 'guh' sound? Even GOB himself gets a little fuzzy on which of each it should be. When he forms a business partnership with his brother-in-law Tobias, they name the new venture "Gobias," pronounced, we're told, like "'go buy us' some coffee." Um yeah, like the guy with the $6000 suit wouldn't land on the list of the best TV names by the blogger who doesn't make that much in three months. Come on!

posted by CM @ 4:52 PM