The gold medalists in the underground luge
Let me be the first to wish you all a very happy new year, and the turning of the calendar can mean only one thing: yes, time to turn in your sheets for the celebrity death pool.A quick Google search reveals a deathlist.net, thedeadpool.com, celebritydeathpool.org, and #1 from your world-renown Google search engine: www.stiffs.com-- the official home of the Lee Atwater Invitational Death Pool. The gang at the Howard Stern Show keep a death pool going, and there was a film in 1988 called "the Dead Pool" starring Clint Eastwood, and some then-unknowns (all still living, incidentally) by the names of Liam Neeson, Jim Carrey, and Patricia Clarkson. Oh yes, the film was practically "It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World", but I'm digressing.
A group of co-workers I once had-- I won't name names. They have families-- participated in an office death pool. A celebrity death pool, that is. They weren't wagering on which people from the office would die, I should make that clear-- although there were always plenty of alcoholics, seniors, and alcoholic seniors milling about as candidates. I never participated in such a contest myself as I had a healthy upbringing that helped me to mark such ventures as crass and inelegant, but I do remember having a chance, on occasion, to see some of the entry sheets. Bob Hope and Ronald Reagan were perennial candidates to kick off during that time in history, and ironically, some of the names I remember seeing those eight and nine years ago are still being listed in articles like the one linked above for the current year. In fact, let's raise a glass to Muhammad Ali, Courtney Love, Fidel Castro, and Kirk Douglas: perhaps the grim reaper doesn't have MapQuest. Celebrity young'ins like Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse weren't on the list in those days. They weren't even celebrities yet. (Jeez, who would think that something like a death pool could make a guy feel old?)
Anyway, I always thought that I could clean up in such a pool by focusing just a little bit of research on some of the lesser-known heroes of baseball's yesteryear. I still feel like that could be my special area of expertise, but we're just talkin' here. It's crass.
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Speaking of crass, the Advertisement/Headline of the Day: "Def Leppard Tribute Band Seeks One-Armed Drummer"
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Oh so timeless: A Johnny Carson joke from 1988 (you'll have to imagine it told with Johnny's on-stage tics and mannerisms): "The circus is in town this week. Did you know that I once went with a circus performer? Yes. I did. It was very strange. Lydia the Tattooed Lady. And she had the entire California freeway system tattooed on her body.. And just my luck: After I sprung for a big dinner, I found out the Baja off-ramp was closed for the night."
posted by CM @ 8:37 PM
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