The Chris Moeller Archives

By any means and transport necessary

Laws be damned, I just can't stomach the injustice any longer. In the quarter century since it left CBS Television's prime-time schedule, the classic American program "WKRP in Cincinnati" has been systematically destroyed by the Philistines who own the rights to the show. The corporate entity that was once the artful MTM Enterprises, the original developer of the series, has been absorbed through so many soulless corporate mergers through the years that the people's access to the series has disintegrated to almost nothing.

The marvelous music of the series was provided by such great artists as Bruce Springsteen, Steely Dan, Earth, Wind, & Fire, Elton John, and Foreigner. It served as almost a ninth member of the cast (with apologies to part-time actors Carol Bruce, who played "Mama" Carlson, and Bill Dial, who played station engineer Bucky Dornster). But that wonderful music eroded as copyrights gradually expired, and the tight-fisted owners of the show's distribution rights have steadfastly refused to spring for re-ups. As a result, even if reruns of the series can be found on television today, they've likely been butchered almost beyond recognition. (One I flipped past a month ago turned out to be "The Six Million Dollar Man.") The so-called "complete" first season of the show, released on DVD to much public ridicule in 2007, had almost all of the original licensed music removed, replaced with generic, industry music filler, and even some of the original dialogue had to be re-dubbed by two of the series' original players, Tim Reid and Howard Hesseman.

Well, no more. I opened my wallet last night for a product available online that promises to be the complete series (90 episodes) on DVD, 12 discs, commercial-free, unedited, excellent video and audio quality, in 100% chronological order by episode, PRESENTED IN ENGLISH, and including ALL original music. I don't know from where this manna dropped, but I'm positively bursting with anticipation for its arrival by mail in just 7-10 business days. Now, your questions...

Q) Will I share my new discs with all of you?

CM) Absolutely I will. After careful quality inspection, I plan to devote the rest of my life to bringing these classic episodes back to the people by any means and transport necessary.

Q) Will I charge for this service?

CM) Of course not. Can you sell the sun and the moon and the stars? They rightfully belong to all of us.

Q) Are these discs being marketed and sold in violation of our nation's copyright laws?

CM) No. According to "The Berne Act," films unreleased in the United States, including original versions of films altered and/or edited for release in the United States, are NOT protected by the American copyright; and are thus considered in the public domain.

Q) What does all of that mean?

CM) I don't know. I copied it from the distributor's website.

Q) If you had to, though, would you break the law to accomplish your new life's ambition as outlined above?

CM) Yes. First of all, we're only talking about man's law here, not God's law. Secondly, corporate pirates have defiled a work of art, and any means necessary to destroy them as a result can be considered justified. What would be the breadth of the public outcry if someone spray painted over Michelangelo's work on the ceiling of the Sistene Chapel? What if some butcher hacked off the nose of the Mona Lisa at the Musee du Louvre? Our laws in America for protecting an artist's vision are preposterously archaic. Bean-counting barbarians are allowed to tear the heart and soul from an important social and cultural document, yet inexplicably, if I were to kill one of them, (to paraphrase Montgomery Burns) I would go to prison.

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Elsewhere in media format news, VHS tapes appear to have finally gone the way of the dodo. The last major supplier of VHS tapes, located in Palm Harbor, Florida, rolled out its last truck on Friday. Oh, what a merry three decades they were as video gave birth to the concept of the home theater. I once had possession of every video taped-- though often edited-- episode of television programs"Newsradio," "Moonlighting," "Taxi," and "Northern Exposure"-- and yes, I still have each taped episode of "WKRP," at least for another 7-10 business days. This accumulation, acquired with great precision and effort ,and coupled with my brother's collection of programs, gave rise to the original Moeller TV Fest, historians will note.

I've still got a VHS player, but it hasn't been plugged in for six months, and my tape collection has dwindled now to just the mighty 'KRP, the final two seasons of "Taxi" (stalled in DVD release since '05), 9-10 tapes of Letterman-related programming, and some classic St. Louis Cardinals-themed videos ("Ozzie-The Movie," anyone?) that were only released regionally.

It would be inappropriate to depart the legendary era of the video tape without one final acknowledgement.

posted by CM @ 6:21 PM