The Chris Moeller Archives

The 80th Annual Academy Awards

We're getting closer to live blogging with our coverage of the event this year. I'm typing away as the show progresses, but the posting won't come until the very end. Who would interrupt such a pleasurable television viewing experience to surf on-line anyway. To quote Ken Levine, the Oscars are the Super Bowl of entertainment except that when your favorite football team wins there's a big parade in your city, and when your favorite movie wins there's a big party that you're not invited to.

7:00 The pre-show opens. Wow-- my TV reception really sucks. I wish I could watch online actually. Regis Philbin's crow's feet would be undetectable to me even without the Botox.

7:21 I love the Oscar ceremony itself. It could stretch for six hours for all I care, but the red carpet stuff is interminable. Maybe the writers are still polishing off the opening monologue.

7:41 Jon Stewart wraps up said monologue. One joke made me chuckle out loud. Paraphrasing: "Juno" writer Diablo Cody used to be an exotic dancer. She's had no trouble adjusting to a Hollywood screenwriter except for the paycut. Stewart's open was not edgy or threatening, like Chris Rock's from two years previous, and it was entirely forgettable. I'm sure he'll be invited back.

7:56 Ingenue Katherine Heigl introduces the award for makeup and she's so visibly nervous that she can hardly speak. That's one of the fun things about the Oscars, but I'll bet if she ever wins, she'll become insufferable.

8:05 The entire first hour of the telecast is really dulls-ville. Art direction, visual effects, makeup, etc. It dawns on me that the director of the awards show should find a way to tell the story in inverted order and give the best picture award first. That's what all the clever movies are doing nowadays.

8:08 The first hour is to the Academy Awards telecast what the last hour is to a porno.

8:15 Jennifer Hudson presents the best supporting actor award to Javier Bardem (but Hal Holbrooke gets to go home with Dixie Carter.) Bardem was scary as hell, but how is his role in "No Country For Old Men" a supporting role? That's silly.

8:31 The bee from "B-Movie" (Jerry Seinfeld) presents the award for animated short. Has a movie ever been more shamelessly-promoted than "B-Movie"?

8:35 Tilda Swinton wins best supporting actress for "Michael Clayton." She did wonders with what could have been a nothing part, and gives a fine acceptance speech also You're on your own to find it on Youtube.

8:48 Best adapted screenplay goes to the adaptation of Faulkner's "Rush Hour 3." No, that's wrong. It's the Coen Brothers for Cormac McCarthy's "No Country For Old Men," and brother Joel gets to go home with Frances McDormand.

9:09 In the best actress history montage, we see Helen Mirren from last year, without context, hoisting her trophy on stage and proclaiming, "I give you The Queen." This statement would make more sense if Oscar was actually a girl. Is she implying that the statue is gay? A really beautiful woman, Marion Cotillard, wins this year's prize. She's unrecognizable in reality from her performance as Edith Piaf in "La Vie En Rose," a decent flick and a spectacular performance I saw courtesy of my Netflix subscription. That makes a French woman, a Brit, and a Spaniard so far in the four acting categories. With all the other problems facing the Oscars telecast this year, it's a good thing none of these winners faced the same passport problems Amy Winehouse had two weeks ago.

9:22 Jack Nicholson, star of many a classic film and Oscar's front row, introduces the historical montage of best picture winners. There sure are a lot of duds in the group.

9:35 Robert Boyle, the production designer for "North By Northwest," "In Cold Blood," and other memorable Hollywood films gets an honorary Oscar at the age of 98. He looks and sounds as young and vigorous as the man who gave him his first job in the business, Regis Philbin.

9:44 Austria wins for best foreign language film, and I'm pleased that the winning director references my favorite director of all-time-- from his homeland, Billy Wilder. When they called the country as winner, Wilder was the first person I thought of, and then the man acknowledged it immediately. That makes me feel smart.

9:45-10:23 I play computer solitaire. I think there's a rain delay or something.

10:24 Harrison Ford presents the best original screenplay Oscar to Diablo Cody, a student for four years at our own University of Iowa (from 1996 to 2000), who gives an emotional, heartfelt, and genuine speech.

10:36 And then Daniel Day-Lewis does the same. The latter two are moments that make an entire Oscars telecast worth watching, despite the duration, the ridiculous amount of commercials one has to endure, and the inane dance of the annual red carpet. Daniel Day-Lewis is a force of discipline, strength, and courage in his acting, and performances like his in "There Will Be Blood" make the whole endeavor of his profession worthwhile. He blows me away.

10:43 It's the Coen Brothers for shared best director, and then their "No Country For Old Men" tops off a spectacular night for the pair by being named best picture as well. Between the Coens' six combined trophies and Diablo Cody, what a night for our neighbors to the north in Minnesota and the Twin Cities.

10:47 Jon Stewart says goodnight. See you all at the customer service counter of our local Netflix distribution center.

posted by CM @ 7:17 PM