The Chris Moeller Archives

Hey asshole!

The most interesting act at the Iowa State Fair that gets no newspaper, radio, or television publicity is the dunk tank in the Midway. It's been a couple years since I witnessed it firsthand but my co-workers were discussing it this afternoon, and their descriptions brought my vague memories flooding back.

The principal character at the dunk tank-- the dunk-ee, if you will-- is "Snaps" the Clown, but he's not "Snaps," as in snaps and buttons, or an equally innocuous, say, Snap, Crackle, and Pop. He's "Snaps," as in "Yo mama... Snap. Oh no, you di'nt." If you venture to the north edge of the Midway, especially during the evening hours of the fair, you'll witness a very vulgar, mean-spirited show.

A colleague heard him shout at a very obese woman something along the lines of "Did the elephants escape from the zoo?" Just unbelievably nasty things. My instinct would have been to doubt her account, but I immediately remembered being blown away by the carnie's audacity when I witnessed the late night version of the act myself. I recall little other than that, in general, "Snaps" was making Mel Gibson look like Leo Buscaglia, hurling vicious insults against the masculinity of various boyfriends at the carnival, the physical appearance of their girlfriends, and advising the boys on what he might do with said girlfriends if given a window of opportunity. I remember asking myself-- Does the fair's Blue Ribbon Foundation know about this guy? The puffed-up studs were fighting to take their tosses at the bulls-eye.

Anybody who watches "Carnivale" or a particular episode of "The Simpsons" knows about "the Carnie Code"-- the unwritten, universal law that all carnies look out for each other. And they'd better if one of their own is throwing that much manure at the local clientele. It may be the reason they're always getting chased out of your town and mine.

If you find yourself at the fair during one of these remaining evenings, and your sensibilities aren't feeling particularly delicate, check out this sour, but authentic taste of old-fashioned rural Americana.

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HBO subscribers and thieves, don't miss Spike Lee's two-part cinematic account of Hurricane Katrina's devastation upon New Orleans. "When the Levees Broke" airs Monday and Tuesday nights.

posted by CM @ 9:13 PM