The Chris Moeller Archives

The dark days of the National League

That's eight in a row for the Junior Circuit in the All-Star Game. (Plus the tie in Milwaukee, which is starting to look more and more like a National League victory.) I think you could see it tonight in the lineups. The Seniors just don't have much to draw on. There are some underachieving clubs in the National League's East and Central Divisions, but the West has simply collapsed. It hurts also that the Los Angeles Angels of Lower Fullerton and Orange County have joined the Red Sox and Yankees in the mega-spending for free agents.

But, alas, here are some of my notes from Tuesday night's game...

The pregame- FOX has done so much to ruin baseball broadcasting I don't know where to begin. Jeanie Zelasko butchered a fine tribute to Tigers' Hall of Fame broadcaster Ernie Harwell by cutting off his final poetic comments to bland commentator Kevin Kennedy. The network wastes 15 minutes of valuable time before each game with the "Century 21 FOX Pre-game show," which, it turns out, is no better than the apparently now-cancelled "Ameritech FOX Pre-game show." The one thing the two shows have in common is that the highlight packages are always destroyed by extra voice-overs and distracting, misplaced sound effects.
FOX play-by-play man Joe Buck begins the real broadcast by saying what a great host the city of Detroit has been over the last couple of days. Any athletic event in Detroit that doesn't culminate in violence is considered a rousing success.

Starting lineups- What a dull baseball town. I realize during player introductions that the Tigers have no great rivals. There are very few big names in the game, anyway, thanks to a predominant voting strategy that rewards the best first-half statistics. The only players booed are the Yankees and current "bad-boy" Kenny Rogers. And the booings are not inspired. Couldn't they bring in Ron Artest, just for the evening?
And when did they stop introducing trainers and team coaches? Apparently after Mel Stottlemyre and Don Zimmer, but before Dave Duncan and Jose Oquendo. Also, to save time, FOX continues its now four-year tradition of taking a commercial break during the playing of the Canadian anthem. Take that, Windsor, Ontario! Brian McKnight gets the duties on the U.S. anthem. I think it would have been cool if he had just sung harmony.

1st inning- Carlos Beltran grounds into the first of three NL double plays. When did these leagues switch identities? "Phat" Albert Pujols singles on a tough 0-2 pitch away. Derrek Lee fans, shortly after Cardinals' employee Buck introduces him as Carlos Lee. Bottom one, David Eckstein makes a slick play to his right on his first fielding chance. Chris Carpenter pitches out of trouble for a scoreless bottom of the first. I realize the only time I get nervous during an All-Star Game is when a Cardinal is pitching. Carp's day is done after one inning. Tied 0-0.

2nd inning- Jim Edmonds pops out. Aramis Ramirez drops in a single with a good approach to right field. He's stranded. Miguel Tejada greets John Smoltz with a monster home run to give the AL a lead they will never relinquish. I curse LaRussa for pulling his own pitcher after just one inning. AL 1-0.

3rd inning- Color man Tim McCarver paints an interesting picture of an infield hit by Carlos Beltran. He calls it "an All-Star play all the way around," when Beltran hits a tough pitch out to second, the Orioles' Brian Roberts makes a diving stop, but Beltran is too fast to be thrown out at first. Pitcher Bartolo Colon follows this comment by throwing the ball into right field on a pick-off attempt. Houston's Roy Oswalt breaks two AL bats, but coughs up two runs in the bottom frame. AL 3-0.

4th inning- Derrek Lee smokes a pitch to left for a lead-off double. I admit, out loud, in my apartment, that he frequently hits the ball very hard. Luckily, no one is around to hear me. Edmonds follows with a walk, but Ramirez grounds into a double play. Edmonds does no one any favors by bailing out on the slide at second. This includes SS Tejada, who assumed Edmonds would go hard into the bag. His return throw almost sails away.
The Americans tack on two more in the 4th. A pivotal hit is a double by B. Roberts down the right field line. Some bored Red Wings fan picks up the live ball. Fortunately, it doesn't affect the outcome of the play, but the fan looks angry, bewildered-- and drunk as the usher takes the ball from him. AL 5-0.

5th inning- The NL goes quietly again. Tony LaRussa is interviewed during the bottom of the inning. He seems a bit angry, and none too chatty, as Roger Clemens pitches what I believe is the only 1-2-3 inning by an NL hurler during the evening. AL 5-0.

6th inning- LaRussa's really sucking up to his chief division rivals. He lifts Pujols and Edmonds for pinch-hitters, but Lee and Ramirez each bat once more time in the 6th. In the dugout, we see Ramirez ask LaRussa to autograph his copy of Buzz Bissinger's "Three Nights in August." Before the night is over, LaRussa will also hand over the ball to Astros pitchers for three full innings. I think Skip's trying to shame Bob Brenly and Joe Torre by denying All-Star rewards to his own players. Aramis adds a base-on-balls to his evening's batting total in the 6th, but the NL can't cash in on a brief bout of wildness by the White Sox' Jon Garland. The Rangers' Mark Teixeira cranks a two-run shot off Dontrelle Willis in the bottom frame. AL 7-0.

7th inning- Just as I'm losing interest, the game mildly perks up. Kenny Rogers enters the game to modest booing, and Andruw Jones crushes one of the loudest home runs in All-Star history. It's a two-run shot and that's a start. But that daggum double play ball rears its ugly head again two batters later, off the bat of Paul LoDuca, and that is quickly that. The Winans do a nice job with "God Bless America" during the stretch. It's multi-layered, and moves fast. Slicker than cat shit on a linoleum floor. Hey, there's "Bad News Bears" star Billy Bob Thornton in the seats at Comerica Park! And he's wearing the jersey of his beloved Cardinals. You have to look fast, though. FOX cuts him off at the shoulders with a graphic for the movie. Then we see an incidental shot of Cardinals coach Dave Duncan, trainer Barry Weinberg, and the ancient minor league instructor George Kissell, who's worn a big league uniform for more than 60 seasons. It would have been nice if Buck would have said something about that. Or McCarver, seeing as how Kissell made him into a big leaguer. Oh well, it's Detroit's night. I'm sure we'll get our night. Someday.
AL 7-2.

8th inning- With one on and one out, Reds' shortstop Felipe Lopez, playing tonight at 3rd base, lines a single to center. Buck informs us that Lopez is wearing a "Napoleon Dynamite" Vote for Pedro t-shirt under his jersey. (That's all he gave us. You'll have to research the rest.) An RBI groundball by Miguel Cabrera scores another, and the Nationals' Chad Cordero extinguishes a fire in the bottom frame. Does America know who these guys are? It's now AL 7, NL 3.

9th inning- Bob Wickman on for the American League. I'm impressed to see AL starters, Vladimir Guerrero and Miguel Tejada, still in uniform. Tejada surely assumes he may yet be picking up some hardware, but my point remains the same-- at least they're not in a cab. The remnants of the hurricane start to intrude on the action, just as the NL strings together a two run rally. Luis Gonzalez and Carlos Lee drive in the runs, and McCarver informs us that, before the game, Joe Torre called Boston- and AL- manager Terry Francona, asking him to avoid using Mariano Rivera in the game. I wonder to myself whether Baltimore manager Lee Mazzilli also called Francona with special instructions. Rivera is summoned from the bullpen and punches out Morgan Ensberg to end the game, 7-5. The tying run never comes to the plate. Tigers fans had barely noticed that the National League was down to their final out as they raced into Comerica's tunnels to avoid the rain.
Miguel Tejada is introduced as MVP by a very pregnant Jeanie Zelasko. The struggling General Motors Corporation temporarily improves upon its Employee Discount Sale by rewarding a Chevrolet Corvette to the Baltimore Orioles' shortstop. The Dominican star takes custody of the vehicle- completely free of charge!
Commissioner Bud Selig ambles shiftlessly onto the field, long after there are still fans in the ballpark to boo him, and he rewards Tejada with the Stan Musial All-Star MVP trophy named for Ted Williams. In his finest prose, the majestic former used-car salesman declares the frozen Red Sox slugger, Williams, to be the greatest hitter who ever lived, then nods off to sleep.
Next year in Jerusalem!

posted by CM @ 11:58 PM